


Watch Me Die For You

by Kukki90



Series: Crucified Lovers [1]
Category: BUCK-TICK, Dir en grey, Jrock, MUCC, X JAPAN, the GazettE, vamps - Fandom
Genre: Anger, Angst, BSDM Community, Depression, Dominant/Submissive realationships, Grief, International, Jealousy, Loss, Love Confessions, Love Triangles, M/M, Moving On, Multi, New love, Obsession, Past Character Death, Revenge, Suicidal Thoughts, Trust Issues, Unrequited Love, soul searching
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-23
Updated: 2018-06-12
Packaged: 2019-05-09 22:08:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 48,391
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14724470
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kukki90/pseuds/Kukki90
Summary: Davina and Uta move to the Netherlands to fulfill their original plans they made with Teiji.Living in Maastricht, NL...if you call what Uta is doing...living.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> You didn't really think that I was done...did you?

Prologue.

 

                Standing at the gate, Yoshiki’s tears slip past his sunglasses as he hugs Atsushi, the fear buried shallow in the grave of his heart, fearful his lover will not return to him. “If you do not promise to return, I will hunt you down, I’ve done it before and you know I’ll find you” he threatens Atsushi. “You have one month, if I do not get the call I will be on the next flight to Tokyo.” Atsushi rested his forehead against the others. “I promise, I will return at the very latest, one month from today, perhaps sooner if I’m unable to help.”

                “I don’t know what you think you will accomplish, what can you do for them?” Yoshiki had so many doubts about what could help the woman and the boy. “I have to at least reach out to Davina, I have known her far too long not to do at least that. She has been my friend and associate in the community for years. It is heartless and cruel of me not to at least try.” Atsushi was sure that Uta would not want to hear from him, but Davina…she might, without her Teddy…Atsushi knew she will be lost.

                “Sir, you may board now.” A gate agent touched Atsushi on the elbow. “Yo-chan, I promise you…I will return. I won’t throw away our love again, there is too much yet to be said. I love you.” Cupping the other man’s face, Atsushi kissed his lover goodbye. “I will call you when I arrive home” he whispered. “You’d better call…” with a last short kiss, Atsushi pulled away, picking up his bag he walked towards the jetway, he paused once more to look back at Yoshiki…he waved and disappeared. It took everything Yoshiki had not to run down the jetway, he didn’t want to be separated from Acchan again…not now, not ever.

He turned away from the gate, making his way back to the curb side valet, the attendant running to retrieve his car. He took the long way home, going through the winding drive on Pacific Coast Highway, windows open and the night sea air blowing in his face. “You will return to me Acchan…I won’t let you get away this time.”

 

                 

                The flight from Japan to the Netherlands had been long and devoid of anything that resembled the joyful anticipation of a vacation. They were escaping, hoping to leave the pain of Teiji’s murder in Japan, wanting instead to fulfil their dreams the three had made together. Teiji had filled Uta’s mind with scenes of a city that he and Davina had come to love, Maastricht.

                During the long flight, Uta removed Teiji’s ring often, reading the inscription:

                                                To My love Uta, My life is Yours.

            Uta would then return the ring to his finger, holding his hand to his face and whispering Teiji’s name. Davina watched the boy repeat the act several more times during the journey, it tore her heart to see the boy’s tears. My _Teddy, how will we survive without you? Will Uta will himself to die? I will follow him if he does, I can’t bear to be without you both in my life_.

                The flight touched down at the small Maastricht Aachen airport early in the morning, the private jet taxiing to a private hanger, a dark blue Mercedes waiting inside the hanger. “Boh-san, thank you for being here.” Davina greeted her properties manager, as she stepped off the plane. “My Mistress, my deepest sympathies in the loss of Teddy, he was truly a beautiful man.” Turning to Uta, the man bowed, “Master Uta, I am here in whatever capacity you require.” Uta just stared blankly at the man, “Thank you” was all he could say.

                “The flat is prepared, it has been fully stocked and Marcel and his family have been notified, they offer their condolences. The have offered up their services at your disposal” Boh bowed again, leading the way to the Mercedes. Davina and Uta settled themselves in the back of the car, Uta lying his head on Davina’s lap once more, falling asleep in minutes. Pulling away from the airport, Davina checked her phone for any messages, finding many had been sent in the hours since they departed Japan.

 

                “ _Davina, Hide and I want you to contact us whenever you need anything, please give Uta our love and a kiss. We both love you dearly_.”

 

                “ _Davina my dear, I know you will be away from home for some time. Ruimaru said he will go to the manor to check on the Koi, especially Hercules. He is beside himself with sorrow for you and Uta. He has asked me to tell you that he loves you…I do as well. Please contact us when you return_.”

                “ _My dear Davina, please stay in touch with me, I need to know how you and our Uta are faring. If there is anything I can do for you here, do not hesitate to call on me, I am at your disposal. Please kiss that precious boy for me. Ormond sends his love as well._ ”

                “ _Davina, please take care of Uta for me…I feel like a failure as a friend that I couldn’t protect him from tragedy yet again. I love you both_.”

                Davina could see Kyo’s face, tears streaming down and his shoulders shaking trying to contain the sobs.

                There were many more messages to be read, but Davina was exhausted, her heart was still too broken to deal with much more than she already had. She was surprised not to see a message from Sakurai, although she knew he may feel like he was intruding. She gave him pass on this, the man’s heart would be torn several ways over the death of Teiji, perhaps in the future he would contact Davina.

                The drive to Maastricht was short, Boh knowing to not engage his Mistress in conversation, he watched her in the rearview mirror, worried about her appearance. Teddy was dead, all Boh knew was that the man had been murdered, and the suspect had committed suicide after killing Teddy. He was worried how Davina would cope without her personal pet, her friend…her lover. He knew less about the boy Uta, only that he was very close to Teddy.

                “Mistress, we are ten minutes from the flat, is there anything you need before we arrive?” Boh quietly asked. “No, I think we will just go upstairs and go straight to bed, thank you Boh.” Davina quietly instructed. The Mercedes drove through the narrow cobblestone streets of the ancient city, winding its way through the neighborhood of shops and restaurants, moving into the city center, stopping in front of a large pub, In Den Ouden Vogelstruys (In the old Ostrich).

             

                A man in his late fifties, with salt and pepper hair, and a somber look upon his face, met the car at the edge of the patio, his hands clasped behind his back. Davina got out of the car, smiled sadly at the man, who held out his arms to the small woman. “Mistress, het spijt me zeer, come inside.” Davina held her hand up, “Uta, come and meet Marcel.” Uta exited the car, his eyes had a glazed dead look to them. “Welcome to Maastricht” Marcel said in English. Uta nodded, “Arigato” he answered. “Come my love, we will go upstairs and take a long nap, ne?” Uta smiled weakly, taking Davina’s hand as she led them through the door of the pub, to the back and up a flight of stairs. “Davina, do you need anything of me right now? Or should I wait to fix you a meal?” Marcel spoke English, it was much easier than trying to speak Dutch, although Davina understood both. “Thank you, Marcel, I will call down if we need anything.” Davina reached up and kissed the man on the cheek, then disappeared up the stairs with Uta.

                “Do you want to take a hot bath first Uta?” Davina asked as she put the opened her suitcase. “Yes, that would be nice.” Uta grabbed his sleep pants out of the bag and went into the bathroom. The bathtub was large and deep, Uta looked at it, maybe if he would fall asleep, he’d be lucky enough to drown. He stripped off his clothes, turned on the water and stepped in, adjusting the temperature, he laid his head back and closed his eyes.

                Davina heard the water running as she moved around the flat, she hoped Uta was relaxing some, he’d been so tense the entire flight. She walked into the bedroom, noticing that the water was still running, she knocked on the bathroom door. “Uta?” There was no response, she opened the door, “Shit!” The water was nearly to the top of the bathtub, Uta was slowly sinking down into the water. Shutting off the tap, she reached into the tub and grabbed Uta by the hair, slapping him as she brought his head out of the water, “STUPID BOY!” she shouted at him, “You could have drowned!” Uta slowly opened his eyes, looking up at her he frowned “Yes, that’s what I was trying to do. Why did you stop me?” his voice was slurred, his eyes unfocused. “What…what did you say?” Davina was not hearing this! “I was trying to drown, why did you stop me?” Uta sat up in the tub, weakly slapping Davina’s hand out of his hair.

                “Uta…why? Why would you do that?” He struggled to get out of the tub, grabbing a towel to wrap around his waist, he offered her no answer. She followed him out of the bathroom and into the bedroom, where he didn’t bother to dry off completely, instead putting on his pajama pants and climbing into the bed. Before he closed his eyes, he looked over at Davina, “I want to be with Teiji”, then he closed his eyes and was asleep in seconds. The woman sat on the bed next to Uta, “Do not leave me Uta…I can’t lose Teiji and you both, I cannot bear to live if that were to happen. Stay with me…keep Teiji alive for us both” Getting up, Davina went and locked the door, double checked the bathroom, then slid into bed next to Uta, pulling the boy close to her. “I love you, Uta…you’re everything to me right now.” Kissing him on the forehead, Davina closed her eyes…falling into a restless slumber.

                                                           

                Life for Davina and Uta in Maastricht was filled with quiet days and evenings, mornings brought the deep mournful toll of the bell from the Basilica of Sint Servatius, the large church was visible from their terrace, the faithful arriving for the liturgy, people descending on the city center plaza from all ends.  On bright mornings, listening to the ancient hymns played on the great pipe organ in the Basilica, Uta and Davina would have a light breakfast on the terrace, or go downstairs to the pub, taking a table on the patio. Marcel brewing the famous Douwe Egberts coffee, something that Uta had quickly become addicted to.

                Uta would visit the Boekhandel Dominicanen, a 13th century church that had been converted into a bookstore. With it’s fresco paintings still intact on the ceilings, and the altar dais turned into a coffee area, Uta would spend hours wandering the stacks, anything to numb the pain, even if for only an hour, leaving Davina to herself.

 Uta’s nights were filled with nightmares, flashbacks and the horror that was Teiji’s murder. More nights than not, Uta woke screaming or crying out for Teiji, Davina having to talk the boy down, rocking him and whispering soothing words in his ear. After quieting Uta, Davina would often get out of bed to sit alone on the terrace where she could cry without waking Uta.

                Sitting on the patio of the pub, Davina and Uta would have wine with their dinner, this would leave Uta a little more relaxed and loosened his tongue. The conversations they had would often be of Teiji, reminiscing and sharing stories. If there was too much wine in a night, it would end with them both crying in each other’s arms, crying for the pain and the void in their hearts that only Teiji could fill. This is what worried Davina the most when she looked at Uta…the wasting away of the boy’s life and soul.

                The situation came to a rather heated moment one late evening on the patio of the pub, after they had shared a bottle of wine. Davina watched Uta drink more than he could handle since he had eaten little during the day. “Uta my pet, please eat something, I’ll ask Marcel to make you some kroketten and frites, I’ll order some for myself, please just eat.”

                “Stop harassing me Davina…I’ll eat when I’m hungry” snapped Uta. Davina shrunk back slightly, “Uta…” she whispered. He looked at her and shook his head, “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have snapped at you but please…stop asking me to eat every five minutes. I don’t want to eat, there’s no reason to.” Uta slumped in his chair, head back and looking up at the night sky. “What do you mean there’s no reason to eat? You have to eat, you’ve already lost so much weight, you’re fading away to nothing in front of me.”

                He sat up and looked into Davina’s eyes. “I want to die in Maastricht, I want to be with Teiji, please Davina, help me die.” She sat up, reached across the table and slapped the boy hard. The people around them heard the slap and gasped, Marcel had just walked out of the pub with a tray full of drinks, hearing the slap he quickly walked over to their table, “Mistress…Uta?” Placing the tray down, Marcel kneeled next to their table, “Please, let me help you.” He said in English. Davina rose from the table and went into the pub.

                “Uta, what can I do?” Marcel asked the boy, Uta shook his head and got up from the table, he turned and bowed to Marcel before going into the pub. The man stood up, watching Uta’s small shoulders slump, as he walked up the stairs to the flat over the pub.

                Walking in, Uta see’s Davina sitting in front of the large window that overlooked the city plaza. “Why did you slap me?” He asked his Mistress. “Because what you said was a horrible and hurtful thing” Davina answered without turning to face the boy. “How is it hurtful? I want to die Davina…that hurts only me, I can’t stand this existence that is called my life. There’s no reason for me to live any longer if I can’t be with Teiji, you of all people should understand.”

                “I understand that you’re being a selfish child by making that statement” she snapped back. “Fine, then I must die with you, I cannot live without Teiji and you…how do you expect me to continue without both of you?”

                “You can’t do that! I won’t allow it!” Uta protested. “Oh, I can, and I will young man…watch me!” Davina snipped.  “I will die after you, whose there to stop me?” Uta started to say something, then closed his mouth. “Ugh! You’re so fucking difficult! Why can’t you just leave me be!” Davina got up and stood next to Uta, holding him firmly by the shoulders. “Because I love you, and you are my last connection with Teiji. We promised that we would live together, be a happy weird little ménage a` trois, now we are two, we must live for each other as Teiji would want.” Davina clutched Uta to her chest, wrapping her arms around his too slim shoulders. He slowly put his arms around Davina’s waist, his face between her breasts, “Will I ever stop hurting? I don’t know if I can handle the pain, Davina” he murmured.

                “No, my love, it will always hurt, it will just become easier to bear over time. We must try to live a little better each day, love more every minute and breathe deeper every second. Soon it will not be so difficult to do these things, but Teiji will remind us how much we loved each other, how we will continue to live for him. If we do less than that, we have failed, I refuse to fail my Teddy any more than I already have, and I refuse to fail you my sweet Uta.”

                “Can we please go to bed? I don’t feel well, too much wine and not enough food.” Uta dropped his arms and started to turn away…Davina stopped him, cupping his face in her hands she looked into his eyes, “I love you Uta” she kissed the boy sweetly, Uta returning the kiss. “I love you too, Mistress.” They both changed into their pajamas, sliding into bed together. Davina wrapped her arms around the slender boy, who nuzzled her neck, kissing her cheek. “Maybe tomorrow will be better” he whispered to her. She smiled “It will be…I promise.”

                                                                     

                He stood at the curb waiting for a car, the air feeling less than welcoming. He didn’t want to be here…he wanted to be with Yoshiki, being held in his arms. Teddy. He still found it difficult to think of the man as Teiji, having known him for years as Davina’s personal pet. How did it get to this Teddy? A black BMW pulled up to the curb, the driver opening the door for Sakurai. Giving the man his address, he sat deeply into the seat, his head laid back.

                He had looked at the pictures on his phone that he had taken while with Yoshiki; the patio at the restaurant in Santa Barbara, Yoshiki sitting at his piano in the studio, sticking his tongue out while lying in bed after making love. Closing his phone, he knew that he had to get back to the man as soon as possible, he would not waste another chance…there was no other as an obstacle, no one blocking his contact with Yoshiki.

                The car pulled into Sakurai’s drive, the driver helping him with his bags. As he stepped up to the front door he realized he had no keys, “Shit!” He tried the door and found it open, “What the…” Stepping in he heard voices, Hide and Yutaka. “Can I ask why you are in my home without my permission?” He asked as he walked into the kitchen.  “You’re bitching at us because we’re here…not because you didn’t have your keys. Good one Acchan.” Hide said sarcastically. “Welcome home Acchan, I wish it were a more pleasant situation to come home to.” Yutaka’s eyes were red…the man had been crying.

                Atsushi sighed, “What the hell happened Yuta? How did someone kill Teddy?” He put his bag down in the kitchen, Yutaka got up to make them tea, Hide had his head down. “It’s still a little vague, Acchan” Yutaka put a cup of tea in front of Sakurai and started telling him what they knew. “A pet in training did this? How, why?” Yutaka shrugged, “We don’t know everything, Davina and Uta have disappeared, we believe they’ve gone to Europe. The police of course won’t tell us much, the only one’s that know are the head of Security at the manor, and Isshi-san and he’s not talking right now.”

                “Have you been able to talk to Madame F at all? She surely knows what happened.” Hide frowned, “We haven’t spoken to anyone from that community, we understand that some of the clubs have yet to re-open. Information has been very hard to come by. Some of the others may know, the boys from Mucc, maybe Kyo…but we haven’t seen any of them. Everyone is still in shock, it’s just so hard to believe that this would happen to Teiji…Davina and Uta, we’re very worried about them.”

                “You look good, Acchan. Treatment was a success?” Yutaka smiled at his friend. “Yes, it was and yes I’m feeling much better.” Atsushi was hoping that neither of his friends would bring up Yoshiki, but… “How is Yoshiki?” Hide asked, in a snide little voice. “Yoshiki is just fine thank you. And no, I’m not saying any more about him or that.” Atsushi sat back in his chair, arms crossed over his chest. “I don’t think you need to say much…we kinda figured it out.” Yutaka teased. “And we’re happy for you.” Yutaka stood and patted his friend on the shoulder.

                “Let’s go home love, I’m tired and I think Acchan will need to be making a phone call in the next few minutes, or there may be an angry call coming from California” Yutaka grabbed his coat, “Welcome home Acchan…” Hide grinned. “Good night and thank you my friends.” Atsushi walked them to the door. Dragging his bag down to towards his room, he stopped at a closed door in the hall. He reached out for the knob but stopped short at touching it. “You’re not here Uta, you never will be again. Leave things lie, Atsushi” he said to himself.

                Putting his bag in the corner, he took a quick shower. Pulling on his pajama pants, he stepped into his… fuck… Bunny Slippers. “Damn!” he sighed. Shaking his head to clear it, he got into bed and flipped open his phone. It would be late in California, but he had promised.

                “ _I promised I would call when I got home, I’m lying here in bed alone. No, I’m fine, just tired. Yutaka and Hide were here, seems I did not have a set of keys with me. They just left, yes…I miss you too. I’ll be making some calls in the morning, but I have found out that Davina and Uta may be in Europe, but nobody seems to know where. Yes, that will make things difficult, but I did promise that if I could not help, I would return to you. I will talk to the band and management, yes…every day. I love you. I will, good night_.”

                Closing his phone and placing it on the nightstand, he reached over and turned off the light. _Davina and Uta in Europe, there’s nothing I can do for them from here. Make some calls, then see what everyone knows. Then if there is still nothing, I’m going back_.  He closed his eyes, the jet lag weighing him down, and for the first time in months, he fell asleep quickly, albeit alone…and he was fine with that.

 

                On the other side of the world, Yoshiki was standing in his kitchen, having just spoken to Atsushi, he was planning his day. He knew he would have to make a sincere effort to stay busy while Atsushi was gone…it would do neither any good for one to be whining about being lonely every time they spoke on the phone. Yoshiki’s thoughts turned back to a time when he would ignore Atsushi for the favor of another, at times he couldn’t believe he had been that callous and uncaring, but infatuation can cause people to act out of character. After the other’s death, Yoshiki had tried to reconcile with Atsushi, but the damage had been done, although they remained friends and peers, the passion was dead.

                Not this time…he would not walk away from his lover again, there would be no leaving him for another. Grabbing his bag, Yoshiki heads to his garage, climbing into the BMW, he takes the long way to the studio. He is unseen in the sleep sports car, he liked the anonymity that living in Los Angeles afforded him. He could move among the population with nary a glance in his direction. Pulling into the studio parking, Yoshiki takes the long walk up to the second floor. He stops to see if anyone else is working, relieved when he hears nothing.

                Going into his practice room, Yoshiki dumps the bag on the couch and walks towards his piano. Flexing his fingers and rubbing his arms, he touches his fingers to the keys, with no song in mind, his fingers start to move… A Piano String in Es Dur flows from his hands. His eyes closed…he can see Atsushi sitting with him on the patio of the beach side restaurant laughing, his lover lying under him…then the sharp end, Atsushi boarding the plane, waving good bye. He strikes the keys hard…the vibration sending pain shooting up his arms. His head comes to rest on the edge of the fall…tears dripping onto the keys. He remains like that for some time, only moving when his neck could no longer stand the strain. Walking to the couch, he drops on his back, flings his arm over his eyes and sleeps.

 

<https://goo.gl/images/ymoA2V>   Basilica of Sint Servatius                <https://goo.gl/images/qta7qJ> In Den Ouden Vogelstruys (In The Old Ostrich)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The links are to the Basilica of Sint Servatius...which I have been to many times.  
> The other is a picture of In Den Ouden Vogelstruys, (In the Old Ostrich) which I have been to as well.  
> Davina's flat would have been above the pub.  
> This pub faces the city center plaza, which is in full view of St. Servatius.


	2. Chapter 2

                The jet lag caught Atsushi by surprise when he woke the next day, to see it was almost noon. “Crap…half the day wasted.” He reached over to his night table and picked up his phone. “ _Good Morning, Good Night my love_ ” he smiled, “ _I love you_ ” a simple text that said so much. He sighed, getting out of bed he went straight to the bathroom. After a hot shower and getting back into his normal morning routine, he went to the kitchen hoping that Yutaka had gone shopping for him.

                “Thank you, Yuta!” His refrigerator had been stocked, fresh coffee and tea in the cabinets. Making a very quick breakfast and sitting down with a note pad, Sakurai took out his phone, making a list on who he needed to speak to. With a piece of toast in his mouth and a pencil in his hand, he started writing down names

Madame F

Kyo

Isshi

Ojisan

Taka

 

                “Hmm, maybe I’ll kill three birds with one stone.” Eating the last of this breakfast, he took the list and went into his office. Checking the time, he knew Madame F would most likely be awake. She was the first to be called.

 

                “ _Madame F my dear…yes. I’m home now and I need to know what the hell happened. No, I got in late last night, I only spoke briefly to Yutaka and Hide. I know the bare minimum_ ”

                Madame F gave Sakurai the information that she had, obviously nothing more than vague details, but she suggested Sakurai call Isshi next. “ _His new pet Ruimaru, was recruited with Setsuna, and they were trained together by Teddy, both lived in the manor at the time, Isshi may know more than any of us_.”  He thanked her and moved to the next contact.

                “ _Kyo…Sakurai. Yes, just late last night. No that’s not what I want, I want to know the details of what the hell went wrong. No, I’m not going to do that! LISTEN TO ME!_ ” Sakurai screamed into the phone. “ _I am NOT going to try to get Uta back…that’s not why I want to know! I want to help Davina! Fine! Believe what you want…I will be going to Ojisan’s tonight if you’re interested in honestly speaking with me_.”

                “Little fuck…” He muttered as he snapped his phone closed. Looking at the list, Sakurai knew he need to speak with Isshi next.

                “ _Isshi-san…Sakurai. Do you have time to speak to me today? Yes, that would be perfect. Thank you, yes please text them to me_.”

                                                                     

                “Sakurai-sama…I wish it were better circumstances to see you again. This is my angel, Ruimaru.” Sakurai smiled “Isshi-san…he is beautiful, such a cherubic face” Ruimaru blushed, hiding his face in Isshi’s shoulder. “Isshi, what happened? Why is Teddy dead, and where are Davina and Uta?” Isshi smiled sadly. “Come with me, Ruimaru, please make us some tea.” Ruimaru bowed, leaving the room. “He is truly a beautiful boy, this one seems perfect for you. I was told that Ruimaru was recruited the about the same time as Davina’s trainee…Setsuna?”

                Isshi nodded, “Thank you my Angel.” Isshi gave Ruimaru a soft kiss, the boy sat on the floor with his head on his Dominant’s leg. Isshi told the story of Setsuna and to an extent, of Ruimaru, who would occasionally hide his face in Isshi’s leg. The boy’s eyes were red rimmed and swollen. Isshi pet the boy’s hair, his fingers always touching his angel.

                “The incident at Niihara’s club with Davina disciplining Setsuna in public was the catalyst. My angel had also heard Setsuna say some very nasty things about Teddy, vile things about wishing Teddy dead. But of course, Ruimaru thought it was just tough talk from a conceited boy” Sakurai looked down at the boy and smiled. Isshi when on to tell about the last incident at the manor, when Setsuna attacked Teddy and struck Davina.

                “From what Uta said, it was much like what happened at the HBG, a certain incident where Uta had been struck…Davina covered his body…at the manor, it was Uta that covered Davina’s body, while Teddy struggled with Setsuna.” Isshi knew he had struck a sore spot with Sakurai, his eyes flaring at the mention of the HBG, he smartly diverted this gaze down to Ruimaru.

                “How did this boy get Teddy to the point of murdering him?” Sakurai steeled himself for what he knew would be a rough story, both to hear and to tell. Ruimaru looked up at Isshi…his eyes pleading to be dismissed. Isshi bent down and whispered into his ear and kissed the boy. Ruimaru stood up and bowed to Sakurai and left the room.

                “He is distraught over all of this, he loves Davina and Uta, and has a great fondness for Teddy.” Isshi told Sakurai what he knew, the fact that the murder took place at the warehouse that Natsu had held Uta captive in for so many months. “Oh fuck…” Upon hearing this, Sakurai dropped his head into his hands. “Teddy had been strapped to a St. Andrews Cross…Setsuna had pistol whipped him severely, and the boy shot out a window. He was screaming at Davina and Uta…telling Davina that if he couldn’t have her, she couldn’t have Teddy. He wheeled cross back from the window and a shot was heard…then he came to the shattered window…put the gun to his head and pulled the trigger.”

                Isshi was very pale by the end of his story, his eyes also rimmed in red. “Davina and Uta spent a few days in the hospital, Uta was catatonic and Davina on suicide watch. Kyo-san arranged a lovely wake at the restaurant, there was no funeral, just the cremation, Davina and Uta could not say good bye to Teddy…the bullet….” Isshi choked on his words. “The police had found something at the crime scene and had given it to Kyo, who then gave it to Madame F.”

                Isshi had to stop for a moment, handing Sakurai some tissues and taking some for himself. “Apparently Teddy was going to propose to Uta, he had a wedding ring with him.” Sakurai moaned, “Oh shit…Uta…” Sakurai could feel the blood drain from his face, his palms becoming sweaty. “After the memorial service, they’ve disappeared, most likely to Europe…I know Davina has several houses in other countries, but which one…I don’t know.” Isshi stood and left the room for a moment, bringing Ruimaru back with him. “Angel please get us something cold to drink” Ruimaru bowed and moved to the kitchen.

                “Do you have any questions?” Isshi sat back as Ruimaru put ice water down for both, Sakurai taking a long drink. “Do you have an idea of where Davina and Uta may have gone? I know she has a house in Los Angeles and London…do you know of the others?” Isshi hesitated for a moment “The only other one I know of is in Helsinki”, he lied. He knew where the other house was and that it was most likely where they had gone, but he was also certain that Davina would not want to see Sakurai at this time, and definitely not Uta.

                “How ironic that I was just in Los Angeles with Yoshiki…I know her house there is on a beach…but that’s a long coastline to look at.” They talked a little longer, just before Sakurai was going to leave, he remembered one more thing. “Why are the clubs still closed? Niihara has his own club now?” Isshi nodded. “Vinyl Fetish is Niihara’s club, it’s where Davina found Setsuna, Ruimaru was found at Plastic Passion. People are scared right now, Dominants and pets. This type of incident is literally unheard of in our community, no one feels much like dancing or playing out scenes. Teddy’s presence will be greatly missed. I understand Ormond is grieving badly…he and Teddy are the only two to be trained to that level of service, now Ormond is alone.”

                Sakurai hugged his friend, and after getting approval, gave Ruimaru a kiss on the cheek, causing the boy to almost faint. “You’re a lucky boy Ruimaru, you couldn’t have been luckier to have Isshi as your dominant.” Chucking the boy under the chin, Sakurai left the house.

                “Sir?” Ruimaru walked with Isshi back to the living room. “Hmm?” Ruimaru hesitated, “I’m not questioning anything, did…did you lie about where Mistress and Uta are to protect them?” Isshi had always allowed Ruimaru to ask questions, and to be upfront whenever he felt the need. “Yes, my angel…Davina and Uta do not need to see Sakurai-sama right now. There is a long and rough history between Sakurai and Uta, it would be a disaster for them. You’re so observant my pretty boy…and I know you’re worried about both of them as much as I am. We will keep their little secret until we hear something different.” 

 

                “ _That would be wonderful Sato, thank you. Do you think you could call Kyo and ask him to join us? No, he was a bit of an asshole this morning…but I understand. Yes… that’s fine with me. Thank you_.”

               

                Sakurai waited outside of Ojisan’s Ramen hut…wanting to go in as a group. He heard Kyo before he saw him…the man was swearing and Sakurai heard his name. “Great… asshole is here. Why did Sato and Taka have to drag me down here?” Sakurai smiled, “It’s nice to see you as well, Kyo.” Kyo flipped Sakurai off, right before walking into Ojisan’s.

                “Gentlemen, I’ve been expecting you.” Ojisan was standing behind the counter, his arm crossed over his chest, a grim expression on his face. Sakurai looked at Kyo who just shrugged. “Sakurai Atsushi, welcome home…how was your stay? Did it help you recover?” Sakurai’s brow furrowed, “Yes, Old man…it did help me recover.” They all ordered some lunch, Ojisan putting beers in front of everyone but Sakurai, who opted for nothing. “Please Ojisan, tell me what you know” Sakurai asked.

                Ojisan sighed, his body slumping slightly, he suddenly looked very tired and very sad. “I know little more than most of you. I know that they are both physically safe, but not emotionally, I worry for both of them. I told Mistress at the memorial service that my gift is a curse…if I could only have seen further… I also told her to take Uta and leave Japan for the time being, there is nothing here that would help them.”

                Kyo exchanged a look with Taka, “What are your plans, Sakurai? I doubt that even if anyone knew where they were, they would never tell you.” Taka asked, Sakurai looked hurt but resigned to the truth. “I do not want to do anything at the moment, other than offer my assistance to Davina…I do not intend on speaking to Uta…unless the boy approaches me first. I will do no more harm to that boy. Davina has been a friend and an associate for years…I wish only to offer my assistance any way that I can.” Sato patted Sakurai on the shoulder. “No one doubts your intentions, Acchan…it’s just the history you share with Uta that concerns us all.”

                “That’s totally fair…I deserve all the scrutiny that is thrown at me. I do not wish to harm Uta…but if I can help Davina and that in turns helps Uta…then please, tell me what I must do!” Sakurai looked to Ojisan for an answer. The man behind the counter looked in Sakurai’s eyes…his soul, he could see good in Sakurai’s heart…but there was another that was there, filling the void that Uta had left. “You should go back to your gentleman in America, as soon as possible, tonight would be best…no later than three days from now.”

                “Gentleman in America? Who is he talking about Sakurai?” Kyo leaned over his end of the counter. “Ojisan held his hand up at Kyo. “That one needs you more right now than Davina and Uta…he fears he will lose you. He is a fragile man; his strength is physically gone…he has had medical issues that plague him. He needs you… Davina and Uta have others that will help them. Go back to Los Angeles, Sakurai.”

                Atsushi stared at Ojisan, then the man leaned forward and placed his hands over Atsushi’s, “Go now Acchan…Yo-chan needs you right now…today. Do not let him slip away again, your happiness is with him.” Ojisan stood up and walked back to his tiny kitchen, Atsushi staring at the man’s back. “Acchan?” Sato tapped the man on the shoulder, “Hmm…what?” zoning back into reality, Sakurai looked at his friends. “Keep me informed on anything you hear about Davina and Uta…if they need my help, please just call me. I need to leave…I have a flight to catch.” Sakurai stood up, “Ojisan…arigato” He bowed low to the man who knew things he should not, then he turned and walked out the door.

                “What the fuck was that all about? I get dragged down here to help Sakurai and now he’s leaving? Who’s paying for my fucking beer?” Kyo snarled, Sato smacked the man across the arm, “I will, quit being so pissy Kyo.” Ojisan laughed, “The beer is on the house my friend.”  Kyo started to speak, “Wait, you called Sakurai Acchan? Yo-chan? NO! You don’t mean…?” Now it was Sato and Taka’s turn to look confused. “Holy hell, I never thought I’d see that day.” Kyo started to chuckle. “Would you like to tell me what the hell you’re talking about, Kyo?” Taka snapped “Nope, I won’t…not unless Sakurai wants it to be known, let’s just say I’m actually happy for the man.” Kyo winked at Ojisan, who winked back. “Well this isn’t fair!” Taka whined as they left the tiny hut.

                Driving like a mad fiend, Sakurai was on the phone, “ _Yuta, I have to back to Los Angeles… no…Ojisan told me to go now…tonight if possible. I don’t know but he said Yoshiki needs me. Have them call me, we didn’t have anything schedule for a few months, I can always come back to do the lives. NO! Just trust me on this. You still have keys to my house, yes…if I have to I will charter a jet. NO! Just let me do this! Yes, I will, ja ne_ ”

                Rushing into his house, he grabbed his bag, that was still partially packed. He threw in some extra clothes, grabbing anything he could think of that he may need long term. Standing next to the bed, he makes the first call. “ _Hello, yes this is Sakurai Atsushi, I need a flight to LAX, as soon as I can… tomorrow? No…that’s too late I need to go now. Yes, I can share, I don’t mind in the least. 10pm, I’ll be there…what gate? As long as they’re waiting for me curbside, yes…you have all that information…yes thank you_!”

                Hanging up from that call, he took a few deep breaths, then dialed “ _Hello baby…no, nothings wrong…everything is perfect…I need you to meet me curbside at LAX in about 16 hours…I told you I wouldn’t stay if I couldn’t help, not only that but the mystic ramen man Ojisan told me to leave tonight, to go to you as soon as I could. No, I’m sharing a charter jet with someone else, nope have no idea who it is…it doesn’t matter. I will call you when I know the exact time we’re landing. Probably the remote gate on the other side…yes, I know…I love you too._ ”

                What the hell was that? Yoshiki stood in stunned silence and disbelief, Acchan was already on his way back…he had just watched him walk onto an airplane and now, not even twenty-four hours later, he’s coming back and all on the word of the proprietor of a ramen hut? He started to giggle, butterflies dancing in his stomach…his lover was on his way back to him. “Shit…I need to get to the store!” Grabbing his bag, he closed up the studio, and ran down to his car. Before he pulled out of the garage, he took a few deep breaths, the last thing Yoshiki needed was a speeding ticket or get into an accident.

                He guided the sleek BMW through the streets of Hollywood, stopping at Farmers Market to stock up on the basics, he started to reach for the wine, but thought twice about it, instead finding some very good sparkling waters, Yoshiki loved his wine, but he wanted to be thoughtful of Atsushi. Finishing his shopping the man drove quietly home, trying to regulate his breathing and calm the burn that was already forming in his groin…he laughed at himself. “Horny old thing” he murmured.  

                Rushing through his home, Yoshiki did some quick cleaning, changing the sheets on his bed, “Shit! I forgot!” Going into his office, he sat in front of his computer, looking at one of his favorite stores, “ _Hello, yes can I have something delivered to my home? Yes, I need the blue men’s bathrobe, the one without the monogram? Yes, that’s it, in a size large please. Yoshiki, yes you have my information on file. 5pm? Yes, that will be fine. Thank you!_ ”

                He was tempted not to give Atsushi the bathrobe right away, remembering how his own bathrobe looked on his lover, a small problem of his manhood hanging out of the front…something that he definitely didn’t mind seeing. “Hentai” he giggled, now it was just a matter of time…that would feel like it dragged on forever.

                                                                         

                Davina watched as Uta walked across the plaza towards the Boekhandel Dominicanen, she knew he would find peace within its walls for an hour or two, she was happy that he could be distracted for even a moment. She sat on the terrace of her flat, with a cup of tea and a pastry, her mind wandered to Teiji as it often did. As she wiped a tear away, her phone buzzed on the table, opening it she saw Madame F’s number, “ _Madame F, yes thank you for calling. No, he’s down at a bookstore…yes, he finds peace there for even a short while, it keeps him from over thinking. No, he hasn’t really improved, he has good days and bad nights. Oh? What did he want? Well, that I could expect from him, did he mention Uta? That’s a surprise, of course not. Isshi? Well he knows more than anyone other than perhaps Nagaharu. I shall…_

 _Ormond, the sweet man, I’m so sorry he’s suffering. Tell him that I’m thinking of him often. No, I don’t know when we’ll return, there’s really no reason to at this point. Of course, the visas are only good for a year, but we will take it day by day. Thank you for calling me my dear. Yes, I will. Good bye_.”

                “Sakurai Atsushi, what are you looking for?” Davina mumbled, she picked up her phone and paged through the contacts, stopping on the next one on the list, “ _Isshi-san, yes I hope I didn’t wake you? Good, how is your lovely boy? Oh? Yes please._ ” Davina smiled, “ _Ruimaru, how are you my love? Hercules? Well it’s to be expected he is old, good boy, thank you for taking such good care of the Koi, yes, I will. Isshi he is truly delightful, no, it’s not a social call, Madame F called me to tell me that Sakurai has been asking questions_.”

                Davina’s face turned dark “ _You didn’t tell him where we are, did you? No, I knew you wouldn’t betray us. He now knows the story, well it would have come out anyways, and if I had to trust anyone, it would be you. Yes of course… you think so? I’m not so sure, he has no idea where my homes are, other than the city. No, we don’t have a time table…Uta is still barely hanging on, it’s a daily struggle to get the boy to even eat. I do have that…Marcel, the man who owns the pub keeps me well fed and comfortable. No, my dear, you do not have to worry yourself. Alright, I’m considering calling Kyo-san…you do? Well then, I will leave you to your beautiful angel. Kiss him for me please…yes dear, I love you as well_.”

                “Poking your nose into my business, Acchan?” Davina huffed. She dialed the phone one last time. “ _Kyo-san, can you speak to me without Ma-kun hearing? Good. I’ve been informed that Sakurai is poking his nose around, trying to find Uta and I. Oh? Ojisan? NO! Oh my! Yo-chan…well you and I know there is only one that goes by that name. Right then? Well, seems like Sakurai is taking Ojisan’s advice to heart._

 _No, he’s barely hanging on, I’m scared Kyo…that I’m going to lose him…he wants to die, he wants to be with Teiji. I caught him trying to drown himself the night we got here, in the bathtub, I don’t know what to do Kyo! He’s at a bookstore right now, he spends a lot of time at the Basilica, yes…that’s where we are, please don’t tell anyone, I don’t need anyone trying to help us. Thank you Kyo, yes of course I will. Give Mao a hug for us, protect him though, lie to him if you have to, I do not want him to worry. Yes, dear one, I love you as well. Goodbye_.”

 

                    Uta walked among the rows of books, occasionally stopping to stare at the fresco painted ceiling, the columns, the stained glass. He felt lighter as he wandered the stacks, picking up a photo book, looking at the pictures of other churches in the area. He would often get a cup of tea, the Dutch girl working the cart always smiled for him and surprised him one day with speaking a tiny bit of Japanese when he walked up to order his tea in very broken English. “Konnichiwa, Kyō wa ochadesu ka?” Uta smiled, a genuine smile that day, “Hai, arigato gozaimasu!” She bowed to him, he then replied ‘Danke je wel,” she giggled. This small interaction brightened Uta’s day considerably, his heart a little lighter, the pain a little duller…it was a good afternoon.

 

 

Boekhandel Dominicanen, Maastricht, NL  

 

 

 

 

  The coffee area in the Boekhandel. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm leaving links at the end of the chapter, for places that I have been to.  
> The Boekhandel Dominicanen is a 13th century church that has been converted into a  
> bookstore, and it's so beautiful. It sits very close to Sint Servatius.  
> This is one of my favorite sites in Maastricht.


	3. Chapter 3

                 

                “We shall depart in thirty minutes, the others have not all arrived, please take any seat you’d like, sir.” The flight attendant took Sakurai’s bag and stowed it in a small over head compartment, Sakurai making walking mid-way down the aisle and taking a seat. He had a messenger bag with him, some documents dealing with the band, a few magazines and other things to keep him occupied on the long flight. He saw that there was a very young man sitting in the last row, he did not acknowledge Sakurai at all. He was pale and thin, a very feminine soft face and reddish-brown hair, his eyes lined lightly. An attractive boy, one that would make a lovely pet, and had it been earlier in Sakurai’s life, he would have gone and introduced himself. But those days were over for him, he wanted nothing more than to move forward with his life that now included Yoshiki.

                “Sakurai-san, what a pleasant surprise!” Sakurai looked up at the sound of his voice, “Not who I expected to share the flight with Hyde-san, Kaz-san…what takes you to Los Angeles?” Hyde and Kaz sat across from Sakurai, putting their bags in the overhead bin, leaving a bag on the floor between them. “We need to look at some possible locations for a new VAMPS video, but it’s a mini vacation as well.” Kaz nudged Hyde and whispered something.

                “We’ve heard about what happened to Teddy,” Hyde looked down at his hands. “How would you know about…?” Sakurai was astonished, “Sakurai, we also know people in the community, I doubt you know how closely it’s tied to our own special group of freaks.” Kaz snickered at the word ‘freaks’, Hyde growling at the man… who immediately looked down. Sakurai looked at Hyde and Kaz in a new light. “I’m guessing then…?”

                Hyde winked, “Yep” he leaned over and kissed Kaz. “You’re probably one of the last people to know, Acchan… I’m surprised at you.” Kaz giggled, looking over at Sakurai. They talked and laughed about people Sakurai had no idea of, that were in the community, some of them shocking, most of them with Kaz saying “duh”. The pilot came over the intercom, announcing that they were getting ready to taxi and get in the air. Kaz grabbed a pillow, laying his head in Hyde’s lap, his face in the pillow, “It’s okay, I know you hate this part baby,” Sakurai looked over at the couple, “He hates flying, the take offs and the landings are the worst part for him, he’ll be fine once we’re in the air.”

                Sakurai and Hyde chatted a little while longer, until Hyde heard snoring coming from Kaz, “Guess I’ll try to sleep as well…the jetlag is brutal on these trips.” Pulling another blanket over himself, Hyde leaned back and closed his eyes. Sakurai smiled, then turned on his small light and pulled out some paperwork, but soon shoved it back in his bag in frustration, he couldn’t concentrate on anything but Yoshiki. It was pointless to try to think of anything else. Turning off the small light, he joined Hyde and Kaz, as he put his seat back and pulled a blanket over his long legs. “Yo-chan” he whispered softly.

                 

 

                Davina walked into the back of Sint Servatius looking for Uta, Marcel had told her that the boy had left the patio area and walked to the Basilica, “I think he finds peace in the church” he told her. “It is a beautiful place Mistress…a building knows no faith if it stands for healing the soul.” Davina touched Marcel’s cheek softly, “Thank you, Marcel.” Seeing Uta in the middle of the pews, she saw he was leaning his head on an old woman’s shoulder, neither speaking, just sitting quietly.

                Davina walked up the aisle, hoping the echo of her shoes did not disturb them. She entered the pew, sliding down to sit next to Uta, who looked up at her with tears in his eyes. The older woman nodded to Davina, she held Uta’s hand in hers, patting it every few seconds. “Hallo Oma, spreek je Engels?” Davina asked in Dutch. “Ja, a little” The older woman sat back, Uta resting his head on her shoulder. Davina was silent, taking in the magnificence of the Basilica. “My name is Josez” the woman told Davina without looking. “Why is this boy so sad?” Josez asked.

                “His lover died recently, at the hand of another.” Davina was not going to deny Uta’s sadness. Josez held Uta’s hand a little tighter, reaching in her pocket she pulled out a tissue, handing it to Uta. “This is true sadness. Boy…what is your name?”  Uta looked to Davina who translated for him “Uta, Oma” He looked up at Josez as he said his name. “Uta, hil zal altijd van je houden zolang je hem nooit vergeet” Josez kissed Uta on the forehead. Uta looked at Davina, “Josez said that Teddy will always love you as long as you never forget him.”

                Uta sighed, leaned heavily on Josez’s shoulder again. “Uta, come with me” the older woman pulled Uta up from the pew, and lead him to the aisle. She held his hand as they walked to the altar, she then led Uta to one of the small side altars, where she stopped in front of the candles. Davina had followed them, knowing where Josez was taking him. She handed Uta a 5Euro note, “Put it in the slot, then light three candles” Uta did as he was told, he watched Josez also light three candles. “One for you, one for her, one for your lover.” Josez explained. “Every time you visit a church, light a candle for your lover, yourself and your Lady”

                Josez turned to Davina, she picked up her hands, “Take good care of the boy,” She then kissed Davina three times, turning to kiss Uta, “You are still loved, Uta.” Uta and Davina both bowed, “Dank je wel, Oma” Uta said to Josez, then he added, “Arigato gozaimasu” Josez patted Uta on the cheek and walked to the back of the Basilica, leaving through a side door.

                “Is lighting candles in a church the same as we light incense at a temple?” Uta asked as Davina put her arm around the boy. “Yes, it is the Christian way of asking the Gods, or their God, to watch over the loved one who is no longer with you. Josez lit three candles, it is a way of showing that she would like God to watch over us and Teiji too.”

                “I love coming here, it’s so peaceful. You will have to come with me to the museum, it’s interesting, some of the items are ancient.” Uta’s voice held a little excitement when he talked about the Basilica. Davina made a note of this, the peacefulness that Uta’s face revealed when he spoke about the church. “We need a late lunch, what would you like?” Davina hugged the slender man’s shoulders a little tighter as they walked out of the Basilica, crossing the plaza to the flat. Uta giggled a little, he wanted to surprise Davina, “Snoepjes alsjeblieft”

                Davina stopped dead, looking at Uta, “Snoepjes? Where did you learn that word?” she laughed. “The Dutch girl at the coffee cart in the bookstore taught it to me, and alsjeblieft. So, I’d like sweets please” Davina grabbed Uta by the shoulders and hugged him tightly. “I will give you Snoepjes until you’re sick if that’s what you want!” They continued across the plaza back to the Vogelstruys, where Uta once again asked, “Marcel, Snoepjes alsjeblieft” Marcel started to laugh loudly. “Hai!” he replied. Now the three of them were laughing, trading words in three different languages, causing some of the other diners to smile and laugh with them. Finally, a night that Uta did not cry himself to sleep, a night that the horrors weren’t plaguing his dreams, and a night that Davina prayed would continue.

                In the early morning hours before Uta was awake, Davina slipped out of the flat and went to the Basilica and asked to speak to an official. Sitting down with the man, Davina explained the situation and that Uta finds peace in the church, that he loves the museum, visiting it several times a week. Davina wanted to make a donation to the Museum, in Teiji’s name. The church official was stunned at the amount of the donation, “Madame, this is more than generous!” Davina smiled, “Uta is happiest here at the Basilica, if this helps others enjoy the museum as well…” Davina started to choke up. “I’m sorry, the boy is on the verge of giving up, if he finds solace here and he lives one more day, I’m grateful.”

                Davina bowed to the official, telling the man the wire transfer should be concluded by the end of the day. She took a moment on her way out, to stand in front of the altar and gaze upon Christ on the cross that hung over the altar. “Speak to our Gods, help my Uta live” she bowed to the altar. As she walked down the long aisle she saw Josez at one of the candle altars, lighting three candles. Davina sighed, “Teddy my love, are you influencing these kind people for our Uta? Help him to live please.”

 

 

                Landing in Los Angeles, Sakurai had slept for more than half the flight, as did Kaz and Hyde, although Kaz still had his head in the pillow upon landing “It’s done now baby…we’re on the ground.” Kaz raised his head, Hyde reaching down and giving the man a kiss. Gathering their bags, the three of them walked off the plane and towards the private hanger, forgetting about the young man that was sitting in the back. As Hyde and Kaz got into their car, they noticed a black town car stop next to the plane with a driver exiting the car. The young man that flew with them, came down the steps and into the car, he neither looked around or said anything.

                “Who is that kid?” Hyde wondered. Shrugging, he turned back to Sakurai. “Acchan, tell Yoshiki we both said hello, enjoy your stay with him.” Hyde and Kaz both bowed lightly, then walked towards the front of the hanger. Sakurai waited for his larger suitcase, looking at his phone, “ _I’m here…hurry up_!”  Sakurai chuckled “A little anxious, are you Yo-chan?”

                With his suitcase and bag, Sakurai walked towards the entrance of the hanger, opening the door he see’s Yoshiki leaning against his car, wearing a huge smile. “Acchan, finally!” Yoshiki embraced his lover, kissing him like it was the last kiss he’d every give. A shrill wolf whistle sounded from a car as it drove past the couple. Hyde and Kaz giving a thumb’s up out the window, “Those were your ride share? What are they doing here in LA?” Sakurai loaded his bag into the trunk of the BMW, “Scouting locations for a VAMPS video, or so they say. I did learn something interesting about those two.”

                “Oh? What would that be?” Yoshiki knew Hyde rather well, not so much Kaz. “That Hyde is a dominant and Kaz is his pet…and that they knew about Teiji.” Sakurai’s face darkened at the thought of what had happened. “Wait until we get home before you say another word.” The BMW wound through the streets of Los Angeles, Yoshiki taking the quicker way, he wanted to waste no time on driving today.

                They chatted about mundane things, what would they like to do about dinner, how the flight was…until they arrived at Yoshiki’s home. Letting Sakurai put his suitcase in the bedroom, Yoshiki waited for him in the living room.

                “You have a choice, Breakfast or nap first?” Yoshiki was hoping nap, but he knew that Atsushi would be hungry, “Hmm, Breakfast, shower then nap.” Yoshiki already had started cooking up some eggs, the ricer cooker was on as well. Sakurai sat at the table, watching his lover move about the kitchen. Placing a plate full of food for both of them on the table, Yoshiki had to ask. “What happened that made you come back so quickly, besides what the mystic ramen man told you?”

                Atsushi smiled at the reference to Ojisan, “A lot, and nothing.” Sakurai replied as he ate. “I talked to some associates in the community, one who knew just the vague details, and the other who’s personal pet was trained with the boy that killed Teddy.” Yoshiki’s face blanched, “So…” Sakurai finished his meal, then leaned back in his chair. “It was more than horrible…it was inhumane” Atsushi proceeded to tell Yoshiki the story that he had been told. “He rolled that cross backwards away from the window and shot Teiji in the head, then he walked to the window he had shout out, said something to Davina and Uta, then shot himself in the head.”

                Yoshiki didn’t say anything for several minutes. “Nobody knows where they are? Davina and Uta?”  Atsushi shook his head, “Davina has several houses around the world, most in Europe, although she has a beach house here in California, but I have no clue to where.” Atsushi stood up, put his plate in the kitchen, “I need a hot shower, I’ll be done in a few minutes.” Yoshiki watched Atsushi’s back as the man walked away. “Don’t think that way Yo-chan…this doesn’t mean anything.” He muttered to himself. Yoshiki didn’t hear Atsushi as he broke down in the shower, the guilt still plaguing his every thought of Uta…if only he had… It didn’t make a difference now; the damage has been done.

                “I bought you one that fits.” Atsushi didn’t hear Yoshiki come into the bathroom, holding out a blue bath robe. “I thought you enjoyed the peep show I gave you last week?” Yoshiki kissed his lover. “We need to talk this out, Acchan…” Atsushi knew then, that Yoshiki had heard him crying. He nodded at the slender man. “Yes, I think we do.”

                Yoshiki closed the blinds, put on his pajama pants and slid into bed, waiting for Atsushi to come in from the bathroom. He watched the other man as he went through his suitcase, looking for pajama pants, putting on the one’s he found. He stood at the foot of the bed looking down at Yoshiki. “You’re going to make me do this, aren’t you? You’re going to dig into my heart and my head…I’m warning you right now Yo-chan, this is not a pretty story and I play a rather vulgar and vile part in the story, are you still going to insist on it?”

                Yoshiki smiled, “Acchan, don’t you think I know what a vile and vulgar person you _can_ be? We’ve know each for over half our lives, we’ve been lovers and enemies, we’ve fought over the same man, we’ve ruined our friendship for a time over that same man. Unless you’re going to tell me a story of murder or rape…that you’re responsible for? There’s nothing you can tell me now that will me change my love for you…believe me.” Atsushi watched Yoshiki…believing the man would change his mind. “Get in bed Acchan, tell me your story.” Atsushi shook his head, his long hair still wet and flinging water droplets. “Dry your hair a little more first…I don’t want soggy pillows while I sleep!”

                Grabbing the towel, Atsushi roughly dried his hair further, stopping to brush it out before getting into bed with his lover. “When was the first time you saw Uta?” Yoshiki wanted to be the one to start the story, he wanted to know all of it, why his lover had made such huge mistakes in the name of love… and control. “An event at the High Ball Garden, a local spot under Tokyo Tower that a lot of the younger musicians frequent and DCR likes to hold events there. Uta was working behind the counter, I saw a beautiful boy with haunted eyes, one that cringed every time someone looked at him. He was so sad, so beautifully sad, Yo-chan.”

                “I had heard the others speak of him, there were a series of attacks perpetrated by a man named Morrie who was the singer of a band called Creature Creature. He had some vendetta with the boys in MUCC, he attacked and raped Tatsuro’s boyfriend, Koichi, nearly killing him.” Yoshiki knew of the story, but not wanting to interrupt his lover, he said nothing. “Then Morrie attacked Shinya,” Yoshiki’s little protégé, the younger man worshipped Yoshiki, working with him producing a Diru album, he remembered when Kyo called him, the man was crying as he told Yoshiki about Shinya.

                “There were no more attacks for a time, everyone thought it was over, then Morrie attacked and nearly killed Uta…Yo-chan his injuries were so bad, his leg and pelvis were broken, a lung collapsed and he had bruises all over his body…and he was raped as well.” Atsushi put his head on Yoshiki’s chest, the slender man cradling his lover in his arms.

                Atsushi went on to tell Yoshiki about Koichi and Tatsu’s wedding, the second time he had seen Uta, still with the haunted eyes, but now with something more, “Kyo, Tatsu, Koichi, Sato and Taka asked me to stay after the reception was finished. They told me that Uta was in an abusive relationship with a dominant that I knew of, Natsu, they wanted to rescue Uta, before the man killed the boy.  Natsu was a pariah, a failed submissive and a worse dominant, the worst kind. He abused his pets, drugged them into compliance, beating them, raping them and practicing breath play…applying it incorrectly.”

                This part of the story Yoshiki had not heard of, but he understood the life of the scene, this information was completely shocking. Atsushi continued, speaking about the rescue of Uta from Natsu, the boy living with him and eventually they became lovers. “You know the rest of the story…and how I’m to blame for Teddy’s death. If I had only let Uta have his own flat, and not been such a controlling asshole, Teddy would still be alive, and Uta would still be in my arms.”  
                Yoshiki’s heart fluttered with the confession, did it mean that Atsushi wanted to be reunited with Uta? Atsushi could feel the panic rise in Yoshiki’s chest, “I brought nothing but sadness to Uta’s life, I will never speak to the boy again, unless he comes to me specifically, so calm yourself Yo-chan, I’m not going anywhere.” Yoshiki kissed Atsushi’s head, “I wasn’t worried…much.” He confessed. “But you can understand my concern, yes?” Atsushi sat up, looked his lover in the eyes, “Yes, you have that right, all I can do is prove to you, that Uta is no longer in my life. He’s with Davina, somewhere…hopefully healing his heart…both of them. I’m sure Davina is devastated.” He laid back down, his head on Yoshiki’s shoulder.

                “She was truly in love with the man, not just as a pet, ne?” Yoshiki knew it wasn’t unheard of, but… “Yes, Teiji loves Davina… Loved Davina more than a normal pet would be allowed. They were young when he was contracted and collared, he fell in love with Davina, I’m sure it would be easy to do, she’s a beautiful woman. There is only one other relationship… I take that back, now I know of two relationships that are based more on mutual love than of a collared pet.”  
                Atsushi told Yoshiki of Isshi and Ruimaru, “The boy is an angel, lovely cherubic face and a very kind and loving heart, just what Isshi needed. Then there is Madame F and Ormond.” Yoshiki snorted, “Isn’t the name Madame F a bit of a cliché, Acchan?” Atsushi sat up in bed, turning to look at his lover.

                “Yes, there are cliché’s in the community, but she is not one of them. She has a personal reason to be called Madame, F is the initial of her first name and no, I don’t know her real name. She is the highest-ranking dominant female in our community, and one of the top five in the world. She has every right to have the title Madame, and I would never think to question her on it.” Atsushi felt like Yoshiki was mocking his other community, something that he allowed no one to do.

                “This community is a long standing one, not just decades, but hundreds of years of dominants and submissives have come before us. There are books written about the dedication of the community to keeping it pure, one of the reasons that maggot Natsu was banished, he had broken every long-standing rule in the community, you do not rape or beat your pets, you do not drug your pets, you never fail to give them a safe word…that is as unheard of as if we called the Emperor “Aki”, it’s not done.”

                Yoshiki knew he had overstepped his boundaries, Atsushi wasn’t livid, but he was perturbed with his lover’s attitude towards his associates. “Acchan, I’m sorry. I meant no harm, I do not understand the intricacies of your other life, please accept my apologies.” Atsushi relaxed a little, lying back down next to his lover, but the burn was still there. Was it too much to ask that his lover refrain from commenting? Or should he just ignore it?

                They lay there silently, Yoshiki wanting to say something, but not crowd Atsushi. It wasn’t too long until the jet lag caught up with Atsushi, Yoshiki hearing a soft snore from the man that was cuddled next to him. He kissed his Acchan on the forehead, covered them both and closed his eyes. Atsushi had waited for Yoshiki to say something as well, instead closing his eyes, sleep taking him quickly… his last thoughts were of Uta, and not the man next to him.


	4. Visuals for OC's

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Considering how much I write about my main characters that are OC,  
> I'm adding these pictures as a sort of guide to how I envision my four  
> main OC's.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just the usual disclaimer;  
> I don't own these pictures, I don't know these people, these are stock photos.  
> I have no connection to any of these people.

Madame F.                 Davina

 

 

 

 

 

 

Ormond   

 

                                       

Teddy/Teiji

I hesitated on using this picture, although I found it on stock photos.

This is Masaki Koh, (1983-2013) a Japanese porn actor who died at 

the age of 29 from peritonitis. Ever since I saw his picture, he's always 

been MY Teddy. 

 

                          Isshi              Ruimaru


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The V&D (Voorm & Dreesman) was a large department store chain in the Netherlands  
> that carried everything you could imagine and had a wonderful restaurant on the top  
> floor. It was some where that we always visited and went to lunch any time we   
> went home to visit.

 

                The HBG was scheduled to open in two weeks. It had been just over two months since Teiji’s death, enough time to have respectively grieved, but the owner needed to re-open the business. He had called Taka with the news, informing Taka that they would need to hire an additional crew member to replace Uta. Taka hated the word replaced, and voiced his opposition to hiring another person, “Uta will be back, he just needs some time” The owner understood Taka’s position, but also reminded him that DCR holiday events would be starting soon, along with the holiday season for tourists and locals. The owner said he would re-evaluate the situation once Uta returned, but for Taka to start accepting applications and finding a new employee.

               

                DCR was gearing up for the holiday tour season for the various artists they represented. Diru and Mucc were scheduled to do some fan club lives, Gazette was going to do a national tour, and there would be the always popular Halloween live, that had yet to be planned.  Koichi had given Taka a heads up that DCR wanted to do the Christmas part at the HBG, not that it was unusual but it would be different this year without Uta and having to train a new employee instead.

 

                After Teiji’s death at the hands of Setsuna, Niihara decided to move Vinyl Fetish, not wanting to have any memories of what had happened and it did not take long for him to find a suitable space near Plastic Passion, in a small warehouse district. The community was still on edge, dominants and submissives both, cautious about moving forward to a place that they could start to enjoy themselves again. The new normal was not to speak of Teddy and any murder rumors were squashed immediately, with reprimands handed out swiftly. There was a new normal; cautious, thorough pre-screening of new trainees and swift justice for any that step over the line in any manner.

               

Individually, people were still grieving, some more than others. Kyo had become worried about Mao, who seemed to stagnate in his grief. The young man missed his best friend and the fact that no one seemed to know where Davina and Uta were, just added to the misery for Mao. Kyo had gone as far as to contact Dr. Maeta for advice, “What can I do? He just can’t seem to stop crying, I know he misses Uta…but isn’t this a little overboard?”

                Dr. Maeta explained that everyone handled grief differently. “Mao is not only grieving the death of Teiji, but the death of Uta’s future which held so much promise. I’m sure Mao had a set of plans that he believed he and Uta would share; doing couple’s things, Uta and Teiji getting married…so he’s grieving for the loss for all of it.” Kyo sighed, “How do I help him get through this? No one knows where Davina and Ut are, how do I help him?”

                “Talk to him…push if you must. He needs to understand that there will be a new normal once Uta comes back, that Uta will need his best friend to help him to become whole again.” Kyo hated the idea of pushing Mao to do anything, he knew his husband was more fragile than he would admit…still Kyo had to do something. “Thanks Doc, if it backfires…I’m coming to you first.”

 

                Madame F was having her own trouble with a loved one; Ormond. The man was depressed, distracted and often forgot simple tasks that he had performed flawlessly for years prior to Teiji’s death. Ormond now had no peers…he could always rely on Teiji for understanding their commitment to their Mistresses. Now, he struggled to get through each day, Madame F watching the man she loved suffer. “My pet…what can I do for you, to make you happy again?” Ormond fell to his knees in front of his Mistress, “I apologize for being a failure, I will do my best to overcome my weaknesses.”

                “Mistress…may I speak openly?” Ormond looked up at his Lady. “Of course,” Madame F gave her consent. “I’m not sure I can be a successful pet any longer, as I am a complete failure at present. I believe you should look for another pet that will satisfy all of your needs and serve you in the manner that you deserve…you do not deserve to be humiliated by a faulty pet.”  The man looked at the ground, tears dropping to the carpet unseen.

                “Ormond, look at me please.” Madame F lifted the man’s chin. “You are not a faulty pet, you are not a failure. You have experienced something that no one should ever experience, you’ve lost the only peer you have in the community…and I understand your grief, I too am grieving for Teiji. I accept that you are having difficulties serving me, but have I complained or reprimanded you?” Ormond shook his head. “I am not a cruel woman, you know that. We must work through this together…I love you Ormond, as much as Davina loved Teiji…I could not imagine my life without you. In serving me…I ask only that you do your best for the moment. I will not dismiss you…ever. You are to live with me forever or until we come to a mutual agreement to terminate your contract.”

                Madame F had Ormond stand before her, reaching up to the tall man, she drew him into a kiss that was meant to seal his fate with her. “We will survive this, we must. Davina will need you at times, our precious Uta will as well. Live for Teiji’s sake, Teiji would expect you to take care of Davina and of Uta…you would not disappoint him, ne?” Ormond’s jaw dropped, how could he have thought…

                “Mistress, I love you as well, I never want to be parted from you. You have spoken the words I needed to hear, that Teiji would want me to take care of Mistress Davina and take special care with Uta.” The tall man embraced his Mistress, his lover, kissing her in a way that could only be understood as one thing…complete submissiveness to her desires. He would treasure his beautiful Mistress, serving her until the end of his days.

 

 

                “Uta, what would you like to do today? Anything special?” Davina was moving around the flat, randomly touching things as if she were actually cleaning. “We could take the train into Amsterdam, visit the Rijksmuseum or perhaps the Van Gogh museum.” Davina made it her daily routine to suggest to Uta different day trips that could easily be made by train, or she could call Boh and have them taken by car.

                “I’d like to walk to the shops today, can we do that?” Uta rarely wanted to leave the security of the city, he didn’t trust his emotions if he could not see the Basilica or the pub. “Yes… a shopping trip then maybe lunch at the _V &D_?” Uta nodded, not really paying much attention to Davina, as he sat looking out over the square. His attitude and general health were still in decline. Uta did not mention wanting to die to be with Teiji, but Davina got the overall feeling that it was what the boy wanted. The woman had tried time and time again to engage the young man in life by any means necessary, but without success. It was time.

                “Uta my love, what can I do for you, that will make you want to live?” She knew this would tough.

                “Let me die.” Uta stared out the window.

                “I can’t do that…I won’t do it. What else can I do?”

                Uta didn’t answer her.

                “Do you want to go home, Uta?”

                Uta turned and looked at Davina.

                “Can I live with you forever?”

                “Yes, forever. How ever long you wish to remain with me.” Davina’s heart skipped.

                “Will you take care of me? Will you make me work?” Uta’s face gained a little color during the exchange.

                “Yes, I will always take care of you as long as you need me. No, I will not ask you to work if you do not choose to.” Davina’s heart beat a little faster.

                “We can go home if that’s what you’d like, as long as I can stay with you.” Uta turned back to the window, watching the people in the city square.

                “When would you want to leave, Uta? Soon, or should we wait until after Christmas?” The original plan with Teiji is that they would spend Christmas in Europe, Davina believed that would be what Uta would want.

                “Yes, after Christmas is fine.”

                Davina watched Uta for a few minutes, noticing that the boy’s demeanor had not changed during the exchanged, he still looked disinterested in life. The dark circles under his eyes made him appear to be a terminally ill child. His hair had started to fall out, every time he washed it there was a large clump in the bathtub. His eating habits had become almost non-existent. There were two months left until Christmas, Davina was frightened that Uta would not live that long, so she pushed it a little further.

                “Uta, I think perhaps we should go home sooner, you are unwell and the winters here can be brutal. We should do some shopping for our friends, then I think it’s time to go home. Spend some more time at the Basilica while I make the arrangements.” Uta shrugged, “That’s fine, we can leave whenever, it doesn’t matter to me at all.” Davina shook her head, she needed to get Uta home, to be around his friends and to move on. Teiji would be unhappy if she did not try to save the boy, although he had no desire to be saved…and that was the fight that Davina had ahead of her.

 

 

                “ _Isshi-san, yes I know it has been a long time. Oh, we’ve heard about your new angel, Kaz is already drooling over the chance to meet him. No… I won’t let him. Yes, I did, I’d like you to contact Davina…oh please Isshi, you know where she is. Tell her that Sakurai most likely will be a non-threat to her and Uta. Yes, well we shared a charter with him, Los Angeles. You’ll never believe who picked him up almost made out with him on the street…Yoshiki!” I know, right? Well it was just as much of a surprise to us as well. No, he didn’t say…just get this information to Davina, please send her and Uta our love. Yes yes, I promise… I will, ja ne_.”

                “ _I know it’s late my dear but I just had an interesting conversation with our mutual friend Hyde. Oh? Well…you may want to change your mind and come home sooner. It appears that Atsushi is living in Los Angeles with Yoshiki, yes…it is. Oh, it’s been over twenty years since that little incident…I think everyone will be surprised if it gets out, most of all to both bands. I’m hoping that’s the case, Uta needs no more interaction with Atsushi. I just wanted to call and let you know, Hyde and Kaz send their love. I will my dear. Ja ne_.”

                “Out of the picture completely now are we Atsushi? I couldn’t ask for a better Christmas gift for Uta.” Davina chuckled to herself. She knew that Atsushi and Yoshiki had been lover’s years and years ago, before she was even in Japan, but that it ended badly…doubly so when the other man died suddenly. Davina walked into her bedroom, Uta sleeping somewhat peaceful, but with small cries and murmurs of ‘Teiji’. “I just want you to be whole again my precious boy…to learn to live without him as I am learning to live”

 

 

                Taka sighed as he stood at the back door of the HBG, getting ready to open the small stand for the first time since Teiji’s death. He was now charged with finding a new employee to fill for Uta…until the man came back from where ever he and Davina had fled to. The anxiety that his co-workers felt was both serious and distracting, it was hard to move forward when your good friend had suffered such a loss and had disappeared, not to be heard from in months. Sitting down in the office, Taka signed in on the computer and started to print out the applications that had collected.

                “Hey Taka, what’s up?” Koichi walked into the office and sat down. “I have to hire another employee…I can’t wait for Uta, bosses order and I’m really not very happy about it.” Koichi could see the merits and the faults of having to hire a new person, “Better be careful, not that you’re ever not careful, but… well we don’t need any more fucking drama…I’m done with that in my life.” Taka handed Kou a stack of applications, “Can you just go through these real quick and weed out the underage ones please? It will make the paperwork a little less.”

                Koichi looked at applications while Taka printed more out, neither one hearing the back door, “Hey…I’m here.” Mao shuffled in, looking like shit. Koichi had spoken to Kyo who had told him about Mao’s grief. “Hi Mao!” Koichi got up and hugged his friend, who felt a little less substantial than Koichi remembered. “What are you doing?” Mao looked at the pile of paper. “Looking at applications, boss wants me to fill Uta’s position until he gets back. I know, I know, I’m not thrilled about it either, but I have to do it. DCR will want to start having events, Holiday tour season is coming up, Christmas parties, all that shit…we need five people behind the counter, not four.”

                Mao’s face turned red, without another word he turned and walked out of the office, up to the front counters to prepare for opening. Koichi looked over at Taka, “What was that about?” Taka shrugged, “I’ll talk to him after we open. How many applications do you still have?” Koichi counted “five…4 guys and 1 girl” Taka counted his pile, “Six, all guys” Both men grimaced, “Not many to choose from really, you’ll have to look at the work history and decide Taka, I can’t do that for you. But it might be fun to have a girl working with us…instead of all of this testosterone.” Koichi smirked, “Yah, but do we want the other kind of hormones? Like…female problems and all that stuff?” Taka wasn’t sure he wanted to have a female employee. “What about Ruki and Die?” Koichi asked.

                “Uh, what the hell do they have to do…oh, never mind. Ruki I’m not worried about, Die…I think he’s um, well… he goes both ways” Taka was red in the face. “I have no clue, guess we could ask Kyo…if the girls application and interview go well. Might be nice to have Die chase after someone else for a change.” Taka stared at Koichi, “Really Kou? You want for me to hire a girl, just for Die to chase? What the hell is wrong with you?” Koichi stuck out is his tongue and walked away. “Hire who ever you think is right for the job, Taka” he yelled as he walked towards the front counters.

                “Hey Mao, what’s been going on with you lately? I haven’t talked to you in um, a while.” Koichi stepped very lightly, hearing from Kyo that Mao was still overly emotional. “Nothing much, hanging out at home. Kyo’s in the studio a lot right now, so I just stay home.” Mao wasn’t making eye contact, “Oh…” Koichi didn’t know what else to say to the man. “How’s Tatsu?” Mao sensed that Koichi was uncomfortable with his silence, “Good, ready to start practicing for lives, and honestly I can’t wait til he’s gone a little more…he gets so grumpy when he’s bored.” Mao giggled. “Yah, same with Kyo, I’m always asking him if he doesn’t have to be somewhere else other than home.”

                The two started chatting a little easier, Mao staying away from the obvious topic, Koichi did the same. “What do you think about getting a female employee?” Koichi thought this may be a safe topic. “As long as Uta still has a job when he gets back, I don’t care who gets hired, they won’t be here long enough to fit in.” Mao was going to make damned sure the new person understood that he or she would be temporary. “I guess, I think it might be nice to have a girl working with us, different at least.”

                Taka had been sitting just inside the office door, listening to the conversation between the two men. “Hmm, maybe I should hire a girl…” The rest of the shift went by uneventfully, Taka deciding that four of the eleven applications, including the girl, were good enough for interviews. “Koichi, can you and Mao come in here for a minute please?” Taka rolled out into the hall, “I need both of you to look these applications over, see if you believe their suitable for interviews. I always like to get different views, before I call”

                Handing two applications to each of them, Koichi and Mao looked them over, then switched. “Hmm, I don’t see anything obvious other than the girl has better qualifications than some of the guys, I would think she would be the potential new hire,” Koichi handed the applications back to Taka, “I have to agree, this one worries me a bit…his job history is sketchy. Working as a door man for a host club?” Taka looked that application over. “True, but he was there for almost three years…that says something.” Mao shrugged, he didn’t care…whomever was hired would be gone as soon as Uta came home.

                Taka sent the two friends back to work so he could make the phone calls to set up the interviews, secretly hoping that the female applicant would be the best choice for the position, he thought they could use a change from always being a boy’s club, but he wouldn’t just hire her because she was female.

                Just as he was finishing the calls, Aki and Tora arrived for their closing shift, coming through the door boisterous and loud as was the norm for the two. “Hey! Wow… we’re all…” Tora slapped his hand over Aki’s mouth. “Hey Mao…Hi Kou…” Aki said a little less enthusiastic, Mao frowning at them. “Are you guys okay with this? With Uta not being here? I’m not okay with it! I fucking HATE IT! Uta belongs here…with us, and now we have to hire some other asshole to take his place? FUCK THAT!” Mao pushed past Aki and Tora, grabbed his bag out of the back room and left the HBG in a huff.

                “Uh…what the hell was that?” Tora gawked at the closing back door. Koichi went and grabbed his bag from the back, quickly retrieving his phone,

                “ _Watch out for Mao, he’s super upset, just a warning it might be ugly_ ”

                “I just sent a text to Kyo, just giving him the heads up that Mao is upset.” Koichi sighed. “How are we going to be able to work if Mao hates the new person? We all want Uta back, but the fact is…we don’t know when or if he’s coming back.” Nobody spoke for a good few minutes, all of them deep in thought about the whereabouts of Uta and Davina. “Taka could you call Madame F maybe? Do you think she knows where they are?” Aki suggested. “Even if she did know, she wouldn’t tell me if Davina’s asked her not to. We just have to wait it out, we have no other option.”

                               

                Mao hid his face while riding the train, pulling the hood up on his jacket, hot tears burning his eyes. _Why does Taka have to hire someone else…why are they replacing Uta? Don’t they know he’s going to come back…he’s going to come back to work with all of them. A new person won’t fit in…he’ll be… fuck…he WON’T be UTA_!

                Kyo got the text while at the studio, with no chance of leaving anytime soon. “Everything alright, Kyo?” Kaoru noticed the vocalist looking at his phone with a less than pleased expression. “Koichi texted me, Mao’s having a rough day…the HBG opened today…Uta’s not there and he got upset over something.” Kyo’s shoulders slumped, “Take a break, we’ve got other things we can work on for a bit.” Kyo nodded.

                What the hell can he do…Mao doesn’t want to talk about anything regarding Uta, but if anyone brings his best friend name up, he gets angry. “ _I love you_ ” He new the text wouldn’t really mean much at this point, but he felt like he needed to say it. He got a bottle of water and went back into the rehearsal room, leaving his phone on the table.

                “ _I love you_ ” Mao stared at the text, he didn’t care right now if Kyo loved him. He didn’t care about much these days, Uta took up all his energy. “ _I know, I love you too_ ” He knew that if he didn’t respond, Kyo would be more worried than he was already. _I’m fucking things up, but I can’t stop…Uta’s my best friend, his life is in ruins…how can I be happy when he’s got nothing_?

                Kyo had talked to him about maybe going to grief consoling, so he could help Uta when he and Davina came home from where ever they were…if they did come home. Mao didn’t like the suggestion, “Grief counseling? I’m not the one who’s lover was murdered, why would I need to go?” Kyo chose his next words carefully, “No, you’re not, but you’re grieving for the life Uta was promised, that was taken away from him when Teiji died.” “Teiji didn’t die HE WAS FUCKING MURDERED!!” Mao snapped, turning and stomping out of the room.

                “Kyo, what’s wrong?” Shinya sat down next to his friend on the couch. “Mao…he’s just so mad all the time Shin, some days I think he wants to leave me, other days he won’t let me leave the house he’s clinging to me so tightly.” Shinya didn’t have an answer for Kyo, “Have you offered to take him to counseling?” Kyo chuckled, “He told me he didn’t need it because he wasn’t the one who’s lover died… then he screamed that Teiji didn’t die, he was murdered. He locked himself in the bedroom that day, he didn’t come out until sometime past midnight.”

                “How do I help him? I don’t know what to do.” Kyo was on the verge of breaking down, something he hated, “Is there someone he can talk to that he trusts, that’s maybe no so close to the problem? A family member maybe?” Shinya had put his arm around the smaller man’s shoulders, leaning against him lightly.  “Mao’s close to your sister, isn’t he? Maybe you should ask Yume to speak with him…or better yet, send him down to stay with her for a few days.” That had crossed his mind before, but he believed that Mao would resist the idea, at least coming from Kyo. “I’ll text her, let her know what’s going on with Mao. Thanks Shin…you’re always the soul of reason.”

 

                                “ _I need a favor, a big favor. Call me at some point today_.”


	6. Chapter 6

 

               

                “ _Yah, of course I will. I’ll call him and have him come down on the train if you’re too busy to drive down here. No, I know you’re in the studio right now. Don’t worry, I’ll be able to get him down here on his own. I love you too Tooru_ ”

                “Tadaima” Kyo said softly…not knowing of Mao was still awake or not. Slipping off his shoes, dropping his bag on the kitchen table, Kyo grabbed a bottle of water and made his way down the short hall to the bedroom.  “Okaeri…what time is it?” Mao rubbed his eyes. “2:45…sorry I’m so late.” Kyo quickly went into the bathroom, changing into his sleep pants, brushing his teeth, “How was your day?” he hoped Yume had called Mao.

                “Boring, but your sister called today…she wanted me to come down to stay with her for a few days, she knows you’re in the studio, figures I’m bored, which I am. Do you mind if I go down alone?” Mao had accepted Yume’s offer even before speaking with Kyo, he knew his husband wouldn’t care.

                Kyo padded in from the bathroom, “I think it’s a good idea actually. You don’t have much to do here, can you get away from work?” Kyo pulled back the covers and slid into bed. “I called Taka and asked for the middle of the week off, it’s less busy and he’s had to hire someone new, he said yes. I think when I flipped out yesterday, I pissed him off.” Mao cuddled up next to Kyo, laying his head on his husband’s shoulder.

                Kyo played ignorant, “Flipped out? Why…what happened?” Mao sighed, “I acted like a damned fool and screamed at everyone…because we need to hire a new person, it felt like they had all given up on Uta returning…and I screamed and left.” Kyo kissed Mao’s forehead, drawing the man closer, “I’m sure they understand, nobody’s happy about Uta being gone, Taka’s probably not happy with having to fill Uta’s position either, but it’s business baby, it’s not personal.” Mao sniffed, “I know…it just sucks…I hate this.”

                Kyo stroked Mao’s hair, kissing his head every few seconds, until the man fell asleep. “I love you baby…we’ll get through this…everything will be fine once Uta comes home” It took Kyo mere seconds to fall asleep, exhausted from both being at the studio and worrying about Mao.

 

 

                Slowly pulling the sheet back, Yoshiki tried not to jostle the bed as he lay down. “I know you’re home.” Atsushi mumbled. “I’m sorry, I didn’t want to wake you. Go back to sleep.” Yoshiki slid his arm around Atsushi’s waist, nuzzling his hair. It felt good to lie down next to someone, something he had missed for years after… “I’ll let you sleep in, I’ll have brunch ready for you when you wake.” Atsushi pushed his ass back into Yoshiki’s hips…no response but slow steady even breathing. Atsushi cringed inside, hoping that this was not a sign that the honeymoon was over, and they had resorted back to what they were in the past.

                It had become routine for Yoshiki to stay at the studio for days, Atsushi had thought it would be a short-term problem, but it had dragged on for weeks. He was essentially living by himself in a huge house. He didn’t know the area well, too afraid to try to drive in Los Angeles, so he was confined to the house, unless he went for a walk in the neighborhood. The neighbors were friendly enough, at least what passed for friendly in that large anonymous city. Atsushi would nod, even a small wave…sometimes he got a nod or a wave back, most often he was ignored. “Rude assholes.”

                When Yoshiki had started to work at the studio, Atsushi would often accompany him, watching the talented man record, edit and record more. There were other musicians that came through, some he knew by face, but had never been introduced, others complete strangers.  There were two musicians who did visit, coming unannounced one afternoon. Yoshiki got a call from the lobby, asking if they could send the two men up to the studio, he rolled his eyes and said yes.

                “We have visitors” he told Atsushi, just as the door was flung open, “Yo-chan! Acchan! We’ve come to see you!” Hyde announced loudly, as he and Kaz walked in. “Hyde-san…why are you here?” Yoshiki was slightly irritated with the two men. “We’re getting ready to go home, just thought we’d stop by to see if Acchan needed a ride home.” Kaz snickered, making Hyde turn and give him ‘the look’. Kaz looked down, but still grinning.

                “I’m not ready to go home quite yet, Hyde. Buck Tick still has over a month until we start any new projects, which will most likely be something for the Fish Tank for Halloween. But thank you for the offer of a ride” Yoshiki gave the two men a hurried tour of the recording studio…ushering them quickly through each room. “Now you’ve seen the studio you can leave” Yoshiki snipped. “Yo-chan, don’t be so mean…” Kaz pouted. “Kaz…” Hyde gave him the look again. “Yoshiki-san, thank you for the tour, we will take up no more of your time. Acchan, see you when you get home.” Both men bowed deeply, then left the studio.

                “Brats…both of them” Yoshiki muttered. “They’re still fairly young Yo-chan, and excitable in their behaviors.” Atsushi returned to his tablet, not looking at his lover, assuming the man would go back to whatever it was he was doing before being interrupted. “Acchan…are you happy here…with me?” Atsushi cocked his head, “Why would you ask me that? Yes…I am happy here with you…what makes you question that?”

                Yoshiki walked to the couch and straddled Atsushi’s lap, “You look so sad most of the time, like you’re carrying a huge weight, it’s not about the boy is it? You did what you could, there’s nothing else to do for him.” This was a touchy topic that was rarely faced or even discussed, and Yoshiki knew deep in his heart that the boy meant more to Atsushi than the man was willing to admit.

                “No, this is not about Uta…I’m only carrying a weight because I worry about you…you’re working constantly, rarely coming home to eat let alone sleep, I feel you’re working yourself to death Yo-chan and it frightens me.” Yoshiki’s work schedule was a cause for concern, but not at the level of concern Atsushi was trying to project. Yoshiki put his arms around Atsushi’s neck, leaning in to kiss his lover. “Let me wrap things up here… we need to go home.”

                Getting up, Yoshiki quickly saved his work to his computer, grabbing his bag and taking Atsushi by the hand, the couple went down to the garage and got into the car. “Do you want to out to eat? Early dinner perhaps?” Yoshiki suggested, “The Japanese place you took me the first day I was out, unless you have a different suggestion?” Atsushi didn’t like who he had become, he was acting almost submissively which irritated him. He had always been in charge in all of his relationships, after breaking up with Yoshiki the first time. Hide had come in and taken Yoshiki’s heart from him and while it had been difficult to be angry at Hide, Atsushi believed that ultimately Yoshiki probably had more to do with the end of their relationship than Hide.  There was no conversation on the drive to the restaurant, both men deep in thought, struggling to figure out which was at fault.

 

 

                Yume hugged Mao as he came into the house, the kids screaming about “Oji Mao” a name the man had grown to love. After playing with the kids for about an hour, recreating the Oji Poop Head march, Yume shushed the kids with a movie, taking Mao by the hand into the garden. With a glass of cold tea, Yume took a good look at Mao.

                “What?” Mao felt the unnerving gaze of his sister in law.

                “What’s the problem?” Yume was giving no quarter to her questions.

                “Uta.”

                “Why?” She knew a little about the situation with Mao’s best friend, but not enough to have a true opinion, she just had an opinion on how Mao was behaving.

                “I can’t be happy…he lost everything again!”

                “So?”

                “You wouldn’t understand”, Mao sat back in his chair in a huff, crossing his arms over his chest.

                “Tell me any ways.” Yume shot back.

                “No” Mao pouted.

                “Divorce Kyo.”

                “What? Why?” This got Mao’s attention.

                “You want to wallow in misery over something you have no control over. Kyo doesn’t deserve that – divorce him.”

                “How can I be happy when Uta is suffering!” Mao’s eyes started to fill with tears.

                “Uta’s problems can’t be fixed by you.” Yume spoke softly.

                “But…it’s not fair! He’s been through hell three times!” The tears started to spill.

                “Life’s not fair” Yume sat back in her chair.

                “That’s a bullshit reason” Mao snapped.

                “It’s true though”

                “Then what do I do? Ignore him? Pretend his lover wasn’t murdered?” Mao had his head in his hands now.

                “You be there when he calls, when he cries you hold him, you show him you’re still his best friend. You show him that life still matters, that he can live and that Teiji loved him. You do what you can, without hurting your other relationships, without hurting your marriage.”

                “I hate you…” Mao whimpered.

                “I hate you too…” Yume smiled.

                Mao was in the living room lying on the floor with the kids, watching a movie. Yume took the opportunity to call Kyo.

                “ _He’s better, well he just feels helpless…no I think he understands now. I just gave him the ‘life’s not fair’ speech. Yep, pretty much the same one. No, I want to keep him here for a few days…let him get sick and tired of the kids first. You’re welcome Nii-san, yah…I love you too”_

 

 

                “ _That will be fine, yes please Boh. A mid-day departure I think will be good enough. I’d like to give Uta a chance to go to the Basilica one last time, thank you Boh_.” 

                Davina closed her phone and made her way downstairs to the pub, finding Marcel at the bar. “My friend, do you have a moment to speak?” Marcel excused himself from the bar, going into the office area with Davina.

                “We will be leaving you tomorrow.” Davina said. Marcel’s face was crestfallen, “Are you sure Uta is ready to go home?” Davina sadly smiled, “He still no longer cares if he lives or dies. I’m hoping that going home to be surrounded by his friends may help.” Marcel pulled Davina in to a warm embrace, “Whatever you believe will make him happy, help him to live without Teddy…I can only be here if you need me. We are all but a phone call away. I will have the lads close up the flat once again. Please my dear, call me with updates on Uta…I can not bare to think of him dying.”

                Davina made her promise, then walked out of the pub towards the Basilica, in hopes of finding Josez with Uta, so she could explain the boy’s absence to the caring older woman. She walked through the back door of the Basilica, looking down the long line of pews, to see Uta with his head on Josez’s shoulder as the odd pair sat quietly looking at the magnificent altar.

                Davina sat in the pew next to Josez, “Hallo Josez” Josez turned and kissed Davina on the cheek, “Good day Mistress.” She picked up Davina’s hand and held it in hers. “Josez, we gaan naar huis” Josez didn’t look at her, “When do you leave?” Josez asked in English. “Tomorrow… I think Uta may feel better if he is at home with his friends.” Uta looked at Davina when he heard his name. Josez looked at Uta, “Uta my child, you must remember your lover, in order to live. If you die, there will be no one left for his memory” Uta nodded. “Ja Oma” he said to the older woman.

                Josez looked at Davina again, “Vertel Uta dat ik de drie kaarsen elke dag zal aansteken” Davina nodded, “Ja Josez, danke je” Uta looked over at Davina, “What did Oma say?” Davina still held Josez’s hand in hers. “She said that she will light the candles every day for us” Uta looked up at the older lady. “Arigato gozaimasu Oma” Uta then reached up and kissed Josez’s cheek softly. Davina saw a small tear slide from the woman’s eye. The three of them sat in the church a while longer, just looking at the altar and enjoying the peacefulness of the great church.

                As Davina and Uta were getting ready to leave, Davina stopped the woman for a moment, telling her something in Dutch. The older woman hesitated for a moment, then hugged Davina tightly, “Ja,” She kissed Davina three times on the cheek, then did the same to Uta. “Be well and live, Uta.” She said before she walked out of the Basilica. “What did you say to her?” Uta took Davina’s hand into his. “I told her that I would leave messages with Marcel about how we’re doing, she hopes that we will come to visit again.” Uta smiled, “I’d like that… we should come back sometime.” This caught Davina by surprise…the fact that Uta was thinking about something in the future, but she kept calm and said nothing, just squeezed his hand a little tighter.

 

                “Boh will be here tomorrow at around 10am, so you don’t need to get up too early. We can have breakfast down stairs with Marcel and the boys.” Davina tried to keep her tone upbeat, hoping to encourage Uta. “I think we got some lovely gifts for our friends, ne?” Uta stared at her, his eyes filling with tears. “Uta, my love.” Davina knew she had said the wrong thing…there would be no gifts for Teiji, Christmas would be an empty holiday for both of them. She held the boy in her arms, rocking him gently, “We’ll be home and at the manor tomorrow, you can sleep with me in our big bed, you must go visit Hercules, Ruimaru said he seems lonely. Nagaharu will make sure that nobody bothers us, unless we ask for someone specific. I do need to speak to Isshi-san, but I will go to his home if you don’t want him at the manor, although I know Ruimaru wishes to see you.”

                Uta mumbled something into Davina’s breasts that sounded like ‘okay’. He clung to her, not willing to let go of the security. “Let’s go down and have some dinner with Marcel, he’s made your favorite, kroketten and frites. I need a few cups of that coffee, we should take some home, ne?” Uta had a fondness for the strong Dutch coffee, he had bought several pounds when they had gone out shopping.

                Eating dinner on the patio of the pub, Uta stared at the Basilica. It was lit up at night and was a vision of beauty. He knew he would miss living in Maastricht…but he looked forward to going home, where he could be among Teiji’s things. Davina had kept Teiji’s ashes at the manor, wanting to wait until Uta was of a sounder mind before they decided what to do with the them.

                After their meal, they went back to the flat to start packing up most of their belongings. “We can come back here whenever we like, yes?” Uta asked as he was placing his clothing in his suitcase. “Of course, we can come back whenever you’d like, we only need to give a twelve-hour notice to Boh so he can get things ready for us.” Davina reveled in the fact that Uta was thinking of things in the future, instead of how long it would take him to die. If this was an indicator, perhaps going home was indeed the right choice.

 

                The morning arrived early, Davina getting Uta up to shower and pack the rest of his things, both going down to have a small breakfast with Marcel and his boys. Marcel teased Uta that his ‘girlfriend’ would miss him, (the girl that worked at the bookstore) and that he should make sure to come back to visit. Uta turned bright red, hiding his face in Davina’s back. Marcel’s son went up to get the suitcases…leaving them just inside the pub. Boh arrived promptly at 10am, loading the bags and waiting for them to say good bye.

                “Marcel, domo arigato my friend, as usual you took such good care of me and now, Uta. I’m sorry we didn’t come for a happier reason, but this helped us both. I will call you soon and let you know how we are doing, vaarwel my friend.” Davina hugged the man tightly, kissing him on the cheek. Uta stood in front of Marcel and bowed, “Arigato Marcel”, the man patted Uta on the face. “Be well, Uta. Come back to visit us soon.”

                Boh maneuvered the sleek sedan through the streets of Maastricht towards the small airport, Uta with his head in Davina’s lap in the back seat. It took less than fifteen minutes to arrive at the airport, the jet waiting for them just outside the hanger. Boh loaded the bags, gave Uta a pat on the back, then stood before his Mistress.

                “Boh my dear, thank you for taking such good care of us. You know it means the world to me that you are available when ever I call, even at a short notice.” Davina hugged her driver, manager and friend tightly. “I’m so sorry about Teddy, Mistress. I hope you and Uta will find happiness soon, you know all you need to do is call me, I will answer as soon as I can.” They hugged and the pilot helped Davina up the stairs to her jet, he saluted Boh as the stairs retracted up into the plane. He stepped into the cabin, “Mistress, the flight time is approximately eleven hours, we have arranged several small meals for you and Uta. Please let us know if you require anything further.” The man bowed and went into the cockpit.

                Uta sighed, moving the armrest of the seat so he could put his pillow on Davina’s lap. Davina bent down to kiss the boy, then pulled the blanket over him. “Sleep my precious Uta, we will be home late but Nagaharu will be waiting for us to take us to the manor. We will be together for how ever long you choose, you will not work outside the manor for anyone, unless you choose to do so. We will tell no one that we are home, except for Isshi-san and Ruimaru. Isshi has been the only one to know where we have been.” As she spoke, Davina petted Uta’s hair…listening to the small private jet power up for takeoff. She leaned her head back in her seat and closed her eyes, the vision of Teddy before her. “My love, how I miss you…” She whispered.

 

                Isshi looked at the time, calculating when Davina and Uta would land at Narita. He looked over at his sleeping angel, curled up like a kitten in a ball, hugging a pillow to his tummy. “He’s going to need you, my angel. You will be the one to heal Uta’s heart.” He whispered to Ruimaru. “But who will heal Davina’s heart? Is there no one else in this entire world to at least ease her pain?” Isshi wasn’t sure Davina would ever take another pet, doubting that she would ever open her heart as she had with Teddy. No, Davina would be alone for quite some time, her heart would take a special person to heal it.

 

                He stood in a quiet corner of the Fetish club, close to the door…just in case. Dominants were looking at him but none approached the solitary submissive…that was no longer a normal practice of this community and it confused the man. He would have thought that as an uncollared submissive, he would have been approached at least once but this was Tokyo and not Osaka, things may be different here, at least the man hoped so. With no one approaching him, he left the club, walking to the train station. Getting off at his stop, he saw someone standing on another platform, but the man paid no attention to him. He walked quickly to his small dingy flat, that smelled like old people and mold, but it was a roof over his head and that’s what counted. Tomorrow he would go once again to look for a job, the money he had saved would not last much longer. Eating part of a bento, he took a quick shower and readied himself for bed. “It has to be better here than at home, it couldn’t possibly be worse” the young man muttered to no one. Sliding between the comforter and the futon, he pulled the covers up tight and closed his eyes,

 

  The Basilica of Sint Servatuisu at night, Maastricht, Limburg. NL.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the short chapter, too many things going on right now in my life.  
> Hopefully you're not all bored yet...if I promise that something dramatic is  
> coming.... hehehe

                “Mistress? We’re about ten minutes out from landing.” The flight attendant had touched Davina on the shoulder to wake her. “Thank you dear” She put her seat back up, reaching down to wake Uta. “Uta my pet, we’re almost home. You need to sit up for the landing.” Uta lifted his head, his eyes filled with both sleep and sorrow, he sat up and rubbed his eyes, stretching and yawning. “Already?” Davina nodded. “Nagaharu will be waiting for us, we can go straight to the car and then home to the manor.” Uta just shrugged, he didn’t really care at the moment.

                “If you would like something to eat when we arrive home, I can have something waiting for us.” Uta shook his head, “I just want to go to bed…in your bed with you please.” Davina sighed, the boy had slept almost the entirety of the eleven-hour flight, only waking twice to eat a small snack. Having him saying he wanted to go straight to bed upon arriving at home was alarming, she felt like Uta was still slipping away from her.

                Nagaharu met them at the private hanger, embracing Davina tightly before loading their bags in and helping them into the car. Uta repeated the behavior on the flight home, by laying his head in Davina’s lap, asking that she stroke his hair. The drive back to the manor was quick, pulling up to the gates, Uta raised his head. “We’re home my dear, let’s get inside, have a shower before we go back to bed” Uta had stopped in front of the doors, Nagaharu held it open for he and Davina, but Uta couldn’t step over the threshold…if he did…

                “Uta-kun?” Nagaharu looked at the boy, who was by then shaking. “Uta…I’ll take you.” Nagaharu swooped Uta up in his arms, the boy wrapping his arms around the man’s neck, burying his face in Nagaharu’s neck, trying desperately not to look at anything as he was carried to Davina’s room. Nagaharu set the boy down on Davina’s fainting couch. “If you need anything Uta-kun, call me right away. I will put my private number in your phone, promise me you’ll call if you need me?” Uta looked up sadly at the man. “I will, thank you.”

                Davina was walking through her home, making a mental list on what she needed to do. Walking down the long hallway that had bedrooms on each side, she stopped in front of the Gardenia room, her hand caressing the doorknob, “Not tonight” She walked down two more rooms and opened the door. The room was decorated in a beautiful Delft blue, something she thought Uta would like. It had its own private bath with both a bathtub and a shower. A large window that opened up to one of the smaller gardens that were situated in different areas of the manor. “This will work for you.”

                Taking out her phone, she made a note about the Blue room, and the Gardenia room. The Gardenia room was not to be touched, not to be entered. She would make that clear to everyone in the manor. She left the Blue room and went into the kitchen, making sure it had been stocked with fresh food and sundries. Davina had started towards her parlor, stopping before she entered the room. No, this would not be a place she would visit again, Teddy wouldn’t be there to stand behind her and watch over his Mistress. Things were going to have to change, perhaps buy a new home in which to start over, and just close up the manor for good.

                Her mind was flooded with visions of Teddy; standing behind her chair in the parlor, at her feet while she lay on the fainting couch, in her arms in her bed. She had not let herself breakdown since the wake at the restaurant, she could feel the pain welling in her chest and she did not want to hysterically cry in front of Uta, choosing instead to go and visit her Koi pond and her ancient fish Hercules.

                Nagaharu had silently watched his Mistress, his heart breaking for her and the boy. Teddy was everything to both of them, and quite important in his life as well. They were a team, Nagaharu, Teddy and Davina, now the team was minus one player, the most important. He speculated on what Davina might do next, finding a new personal pet was probably not on the list for the time being. But her usual outings to the clubs, her small dinner parties, were those all to be discontinued? The security man didn’t have the answer and he wasn’t about to ask Davina at any point in the near future.

                Davina sat on the stone seat that circled the koi pond, the fish swimming closer to see if the person had food, which of course Davina did. “Hello my beauties, how have you faired since we’ve been gone? Has Ruimaru been visiting?” Davina looked for Hercules among the dozens of fish, finally spotting the huge koi swimming slowly towards her. “Hercules, you old man. Come here and let me pet you” Davina reached down and swished her fingers in the water, the large ancient koi swimming towards her, then nibbling on her fingers as he sidled up against the pond wall. “Oh Hercules…you are looking tired, how long has it been? Thirty years or more at least.”

                Davina stroked the large fish who seemed to lean into her hand, turning slowly to beg for food. “You naughty fat fish, you don’t need more food…but I will not refuse you.” Davina poured some of the pebbled koi food into her hand letting it slide down to Hercules, who did not hesitate to quickly suck the food up. The fish did look like he was dying, his scales were a dull white, he was missing a whisker and he swam much slower than the others in the pond. “Ruimaru will be here tomorrow Hercules, he will spoil you even more.” With one last gentle caress, Davina rose from her spot on the stone wall, wiping her hands on her dress, leaving the garden area.

                “Nagaharu, I’m going to bed now, would you please wake us around 9am? We will need to get back on a normal schedule as quickly as we can.” The security man bowed, “Yes Mistress.”

                Davina opened her bedroom door as quietly as she could, hoping that Uta was asleep. The room was dark and she could make out the small lump in her bed that had burrowed under the covers. Going into the bathroom to change and freshen up, she went to her closet for a nightgown. Her breath caught when she saw a pair of Teiji’s pajama pants, the nightgown sliding through her fingers to the floor, Davina pulled the pajamas to her chest, smothering her face with the scent of her lover. She pulled out a t shirt, and slipped into Teiji’s pajama pants, this is as close to him as she could get.

                Padding into the bedroom, she approached the bed and pulled the covers back. Uta, curled into a ball around a sweat shirt of Teiji’s, was also wearing the man’s pajamas. Davina carefully got into bed, covering them both with the blanket. “Uta, I love you.” She whispered to the boy, kissing him on the head as she drew him to her side, a tiny whimpered ‘Teiji’ was the only sound Davina heard from the boy.

 

 

                “I know it sounds weird, but I’m not lying. Ruki of The Gazette is a demon child at times… but so is Die from Diru. You just have to watch your back when they’re around.” Taka could see that his new employee Tomo, didn’t believe him. “You need to watch your ass more around Ruki” Mao yelled from the front counters. “Um, why do I need to watch my ass?” Tomo was only believing about a quarter of what was said, stuff like this was written in fan fiction, it never really happened…did it? Mao leaned into the office. “I can tell you a story about Ruki and Kanon…remember what he said Taka?” Mao smirked. “Thanks Mao…go back to work” Taka snapped.

                “Who is Kanon?” It was Tomo’s first day on the job, Taka had him in the office doing the necessary paperwork and filling him on his job duties and warning him in advance about their special friends. Mao poked his head back in again. “Kanon worked here for a while. The first night Ruki saw him he fell in love…Ruki does that a lot. Kanon who was out on the patio during a DCR event and well, Ruki came up to say hi…” Mao started to laugh, “And Ruki greeted him by grabbing Kanon’s ass, but that wasn’t the best part! When Taka confronted Kanon about it, Kanon just said “it’s Ruki, Gazette Ruki, if he wants to feel my ass, who am I to deny him?”

                Now Taka was chuckling, “You’re lying! Ruki just randomly grabbed some guy’s ass?” Mao then explained the Ruki Rampage, Die’s falling in love after a few drinks and other extracurricular entertainment that came along with the HBG hosting a DCR event. “Mao, go back to work!” Taka snapped again.

                “There are a few other things I need to explain, that you may not choose to believe, but are in fact the truth.” Taka got up and closed the office door, locking it against another outburst by Mao. “Um, I don’t know what to believe anymore, I wasn’t expecting this from working at a drink stand!” Tomo was wearing a nervous grin.

                “It’s about um…how should I put this?” Taka tapped his chin with a finger, “I’m just going to say it. You know the band MUCC right?” Tomo nodded, “I’ve been to a few of their lives…why?” Tomo drew out the why. “Shit… how can I say this without sounding stupid?” Taka got up and opened the door, “MAO!”

                “What? I’m working…I haven’t done anything else!” the man whined. “Shut up, I need you to tell Tomo about um, the guys…including yours. I can’t just say it…it sounds like I’m bragging or something.” Taka grabbed Mao by the shirt and pulled him into the office, then walked out and closed the door. Mao laughed at the man.

                “Okay, I know this is going to sound fantastical…and you sort of need to keep it to yourself, don’t go bragging about it to your friends…you’ll get fired and probably a few people looking to kick your ass.” Tomo’s face paled.

                Okay, Taka is married…to Satochi the drummer for MUCC, and Koichi’s married to Tatsurou, the vocalist.” Mao paused for a moment. “And I recently married Kyo…yah that Kyo.” Mao watched Tomo’s face, “There’s more” Mao stopped, “Miya is married to Shinya, yes…that Shinya and Yukke and Kai are a couple.” Tomo started to shake his head, he wasn’t hearing this…it was a huge joke because he was the new guy.”

                “How does no one know about this? That they’re gay…let alone married! How is this not public knowledge?” Tomo was sure that Mao was going to say ‘just kidding’ any second but Mao just smiled. “Tatsu and Koichi have been together forever, they met here, well so did Taka and Sato at the same time. It’s common knowledge in the industry just not to the public. It would cause more grief if the fans knew, and honestly what these guys do in their private lives are just that…private.”

                “Are you done?” Taka poked his head into the office door. “Yep, but he doesn’t believe me, not yet at least.” Mao stood to go back to the counters, patting Tomo’s shoulder on the way out. “You’re bound to meet someone today, maybe Kyo will come for my lunch if he’s not too busy in the studio” Taka returned to his desk. “I always feel like I’m bragging when I have to tell new employees about Sato. We’ve been together for along time, you’re the first new hire I’ve had since Aki and Tora, who you’ll meet later. Do you have any questions, or do you want to quit? I won’t be upset if you do, this job is not for everyone and not for the reasons most people would believe.”

                “Is there anything I’m missing? Any other famous people that are involved with you directly?” Tomo was sorting through this in his mind, and it was not an easy task. “He’s not in Japan right now, but Sakurai Atsushi shows up at the DCR events frequently, he and Buck Tick have the right to crash any of DCR’s parties, unwritten rule. But that’s a long story, one that I don’t want to go into right now.” Tomo nodded.

                As Taka went over the paperwork and the job description again with Tomo, Mao had quickly texted Kyo, “ _Are you too busy to come for my lunch? I understand if you can’t make it_ ” 

“Mao, can you start showing Tomo the basics, let’s start him on the register first please. Thanks.” Taka went back into the office, leaving Mao to get Tomo started. The new hire was quick to pick up the register, as he had experience from his former job, so Mao started him on making drinks. Anytime there was a lull in business, Mao showed Tomo where the supplies were, what was to be expected for the patio and other odds and ends that typically Taka forgot.

Tomo had his back to Mao, doing some spot cleaning when he heard a small yelp. Turning around, he almost fainted…Mao, his new co-worker was in the arms of…holy fuck he wasn’t joking…Kyo of Dir En Grey. “Hey baby… come meet the new guy.” Mao led Kyo over to where Tomo was standing and visibly sweating. “Tomo, this is my husband Kyo… Kyo babe, this is Tomo…go easy on him!” Kyo bowed first, then stepped forward to shake Tomo’s hand. “Hi, I hope Mao’s behaving himself, tell me if he’s not… he knows what to expect when he gets home.” Kyo wiggled his eyebrows at Mao, who blushed furiously. “Um, okay…” Tomo almost whispered.

“It’s okay Tomo, you’ll get used to us being around, we’re really not that bad…well Die is and that twit Ruki…but they’re decent people.” Kyo winked at Tomo. “Did you bring me a bento?” Mao leaned on Kyo’s arm. Tomo walked quickly back to the building, muttering to himself. “Tomo? Everything okay?” Taka rolled out in the hall in his office chair. “Um, Mao is with Kyo…and you’re with Sato…and Koichi’s with Tatsu…” Taka nodded, “yep” Tomo didn’t say another word, just turned and walked towards the counters muttering under his breath about weirdness, leaving an amused Taka in his office.

                “Thanks for coming…I know you’re busy but we needed Tomo to believe us.” Mao was sitting on Kyo’s lap, the older man nuzzling his husband’s neck. “Mmm, maybe I can make sure to get out of the studio at a proper time tonight.” Kyo’s hand slid up the inside of Mao’s leg, his hand brushing lightly over Mao’s crotch. “Don’t start! I can’t be all hard and horny at work!” Mao stood up, adjusting his pants and pushing his cock down a little. “Sorry…that’s what happens when you sit on my lap for too long.”

                Kyo hugged and kissed Mao good bye, with a quick squeeze of his husband’s ass, and a promised whispered in his ear, “Don’t be late” Kyo said as he walked away. “Hmph, like I’m ever late for sex…”


	8. Chapter 8

                “Davina, my god is it good to see you again! I thought we had lost you to the Netherlands forever” Isshi gushed as he hugged the woman. “Uta-kun, you precious boy!” Isshi hugged Uta tightly, Ruimaru giggling over the look on Uta’s face. “Uta-kun! I’m glad you’re home, we’ve missed you!” Ruimaru threw his arms around the smaller man. Isshi then whispered something to Ruimaru, who bowed then took Uta by the hand. “Let’s go visit Hercules!” as he dragged Uta away from the two dominants.

                “He doesn’t look very well, Davina, those eyes…he’s haunted by his loss and yours as well, he’s dying Davina, you know that…don’t you?” Isshi asked his friend. “Yes, I believe he is, there are times that he talks of things that we can do in the future… going back to Maastricht, he speaks of wanting to see my other properties, then he falls into his despair and tells me he wants to die.” This was a shock to Isshi, “He actually says he wants to die? Davina, do not wait long, you need to get that boy to a therapist before he loses his life, grief is normal…death from grief is not.”

                Davina knew in her heart that Uta needed therapy, Isshi just confirmed her belief. “I’m not sure where to even start, do you know of a good therapist that can handle issues such as these?” Isshi did not. “What about the therapist that the boy’s friends used when they went through those horrible attacks?”

                “I don’t have a clue to who it is, I’m not sure I can find out without everyone knowing that we have returned. I’m not about to ask Uta who the therapist is, that may keep him from wanting to go.” Isshi shook his head, “I think this is something you’re going to need to force him to do, to confront his feelings…he’s going to need to heal his heart.”

                “Yes, yes, I know, but it will be so very painful for him.” She did not want to subject Uta to more pain. “Let’s see what my angel can do before we move forward, if Ruimaru can get close to Uta, perhaps he can dig a little and come up with a name.”

 

                “Hercules is still alive…it’s amazing! He looks a little ragged don’t you think?” Ruimaru was a little bit of a chatter box, keeping up a constant stream of a one-sided conversation. “How did you like the Netherlands? I’ve never been anywhere before, you’re so lucky to have gone!” Uta’s head snapped around “Lucky? I wasn’t lucky! Teiji died before we could go to Maastricht…I went without him!” Uta snapped. “Yes, you did…” Ruimaru picked up Uta’s hand without turning his eyes away from the fish. “You went to Maastricht with Mistress and without Sensei, but you went as you had all planned. Sensei would have approved of that.”

                Uta gaped at Ruimaru, “How the fuck would you know what Teiji would approve of? You don’t know shit about him!” he snarled. “Uta-kun, I loved Sensei as well…I would have loved to remain with Mistress and Teiji, but I was destined for another. Do not deny my love for the man. Teiji is and was an important part of my life as well.”

                Uta was angry, yet he did not take his hand away from Ruimaru. “The love you feel for Teiji and what I feel are completely different, not even close to being the same.” Uta argued. “You’re right, you loved Teiji as a lover would, I loved him as a sensei and I love you as a kohai, we both love Mistress, and we both mourn. Teiji would not approve of your actions, he would be angry with you.”

                “My what?” Uta asked. “You’re willing yourself to die…do not deny it because I can see it in your eyes. You don’t want to live without Teiji, you want to be with him. You’re being selfish an insensitive. If you were to die, what would that do to Mistress? Do you want to leave Davina alone, with no one to love? Do you want her to follow you?” Ruimaru was being blunt and brutal. “How…wait what? Davina wants to die? How do you…?” Uta faltered, what would Davina do if he died?

                “Davina loves you, she loved Teiji beyond what any dominant normally loves a pet. When you came into the picture, she split her love evenly between Teiji and yourself. That was obvious to me the first day I met you both. If you die, she will follow you. She can’t be alone, Uta. It’s selfish of you, and highly insensitive, that you are discounting her feelings. You’re not the only one that lost the love of their life.” Ruimaru stood up, but before he left, he leaned in and kissed Uta softly on the lips. “I will help you in any way I can to heal your heart. I’m not Teiji, I’m not Davina, but I am your friend and I do love you.” Ruimaru walked away, leaving a confused and slightly hurt Uta to sit with the fish.

 

                “What will you do in regards to the community? I’m going to ask you, but remember I’m asking you as a dear friend that loves you; will you have another pet, or are you done with that part of your life?” Isshi held Davina’s hand as he asked these rather difficult questions. Before she could answer, Ruimaru stood just outside the door of Davina’s private parlor, waiting to be allowed in. “My angel, come and sit beside me. Where you able to talk to Uta?”

                “Yes, although I’m sure he didn’t like what I had to say to him. My apologies Mistress if I’ve over stepped my boundary’s, but he needed to be told that he isn’t the only person that is grief stricken over Teiji’s death.” Ruimaru had his eyes cast down as he spoke. “Ruimaru, come here boy.” Davina ordered. “You’ve said what I cannot. I have not been able to speak to Uta about Teiji, it is too difficult for me to watch him crumble at the mention of his name. I’m not upset with you Ruimaru, I know you cared for Teiji, and as such we are all speaking from the heart.”

                Ruimaru bowed before Davina, then quickly kissed his Mistress on the cheek, Davina smiling at the boy. “As to the question of what I’m going to do, I don’t know yet. I have no plans other than to help Uta heal. I still do not wish anyone to know that we are home, not even Madame F.” This shocked Isshi, “Why not her? Any particular reason, or am I being too noisy?” Davina waved her hand, “No, you’re not being noisy…well yes you are, I am not yet ready to face Ormond.” Davina explained. Isshi nodded, “I can appreciate your reasoning.

                Uta walked into the parlor, sitting on the floor next to Davina, lying his head against her leg. “Uta, how is Hercules?” She cooed to the boy. “He’s old, he looks tired.” Uta replied softly. Isshi and Davina spoke a while longer, then offering their goodbyes, the dominant and his pet left the manor. “I’d like to take a nap please” Uta asked his Mistress. “I think that would be a wonderful idea, I will wake you for dinner” Uta shrugged as he got up and walked to the bedroom.

                Wracking her brain, Davina needed to devise some sort of plan to get Uta into consoling without alerting both communities to the fact that they had returned. She knew Kyo would be able to assist her in finding a therapist, but calling him was out of the question, if he were to slip up and mention that Uta was home, Mao would certainly want to see the boy. “Not a good choice” Hide and Yutaka? She knew they could be trusted but would they have the connections needed? “Nope, try again girl” she muttered to herself. She was running out of options, who would be able to convince Uta

“Shit! Davina you idiot!” She rose from her desk and walked to the foyer of the manor, “Nagaharu, would you come to my parlor please?” she asked her security chief.

                Nagaharu followed Davina into the room, “What can I do for you Mistress?” Davina was writing a note, then an address. “I need you to go to this address and give this to the owner please, you can leave now.” Without another question, Nagaharu took the two pieces of paper, bowed and left the room. “How could you not think of him?”

 

                Nagaharu looked at the address and the name of the establishment, “Ojisan’s Ramen Hut?” He had no idea of the connection between Davina and the small restaurant, but it was not for him to question his Mistress. He stopped in front of the small establishment, then walked in.

                “Irasshai…” A middle-aged rough looking man greeted Nagaharu as he entered. “I have something for you sir…” Nagaharu handed the man the note, waiting while he read it. “Please tell Mistress I will call her this evening. Thank you for bringing this to me.” Nagaharu bowed and walked out. “Mistress…Uta” Ojisan whispered.

                “He informed me that he would call you this evening at some point. May I ask Mistress why a ramen hut?” Nagaharu was baffled with the connection, trying to sort through it on his way back to the manor. “Ojisan is somewhat of a mystic, or…I can’t explain it. But the old man knows things that he should have no knowledge of and at times predicts the future. Ojisan also has a long connection with Uta. He may be the only one to pull Uta back from his depression.” Davina thanked her security chief and left the man standing alone.

 

 

                “Just admit it Acchan…you won’t be coming back! I know this in my heart, you still love that boy!” Yoshiki and Atsushi were arguing loudly, Atsushi storming around the bedroom, throwing his things into a suitcase. “WHY must you say this? Do you not believe that I love you and will return after the concerts?”

                “BECAUSE YOU WON’T BE COMING BACK!” Yoshiki screamed at his lover. “FINE! Then I won’t be coming back, you want me to leave for good… I’m gone! At least call me a damned taxi so I can get to the fucking airport, Hayashi.”

                “What did you just call me?” Yoshiki was stunned that his lover, Acchan…would throw out his last name, something that was rarely done to his face.

                “I call you Hayashi, as you should call me Sakurai, I’m done arguing with you, you obviously have NO place in your heart for me. YOU WILL NOT BELIEVE ME!” Atsushi threw a hair brush across the room, hitting and shattering a lamp. “Oh, I’m sorry, here I’ll write you a check for that!”

                “FUCK THE LAMP! WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?” Yoshiki stomped over to Atsushi, grabbing him by the shirt front. Wrenching away, Atsushi returned to packing. “I’m the same man you fucked last night and the night before. The same man you left for …” he didn’t finish.

                “DON’T YOU DARE BRING HIM INTO THIS! YOU DON’T FUCK WITH HIM EVER!” Yoshiki screamed in Atsushi’s face. “How dare you bring Hide into this… this has nothing to do with him… fuck off Sakurai, get the hell out of my house.” Yoshiki snarled as he turned and left the bedroom as Sakurai continued throwing things into his suitcase.

                Ten minutes later Sakurai pulled his suitcase out of the bedroom and walked to the front of the house, finding a note stuck on the door

                “A taxi will be here in fifteen minutes to take you to the airport”

                Nothing else was written, nothing else needed to be said…it ended just as it had the first time. Screaming and throwing around of names. “Whatever Yo-chan” Sakurai said with spite.

                Sakurai heard the taxi honk out in front of the gate, taking one last look around, Sakurai shook his head and left Yoshiki’s house, “Never again…ever” was the last thing he said as he closed the door.

                Arriving at LAX, Sakurai walked to one of the airport personnel and explained the situation. Personnel made a call and led Sakurai to a private waiting area, “Someone will be with you in a moment sir.” Sakurai thanked the man and sat down, in front of the large windows that faced the tarmac.

                “Sakurai-san?” An employee from the private jet charter approached, sitting down next to him. “I can get you on a plane back to Narita in about two hours, you will be sharing the flight with one other passenger, is that acceptable?” The man spoke perfect Japanese, which was a relief for Sakurai.

                “At such a short notice, I apologize for not booking in advance, but an emergency came up and I need to return, thank you for your swift acceptance of my request. Two hours will be just fine” Sakurai bowed his head and the employee left the seating area. Sakurai felt drained from the argument with Yoshiki, why the man would not accept that he would return as soon as the concerts were over, he couldn’t understand. “Too good to last, as is the norm with you” Sakurai said as he leaned his head back and closed his eyes.

                He heard the door open to the private waiting area, but did not bother to see who it was, he knew he was sharing a flight and he knew it wouldn’t be Hyde and Kaz. The person sat behind Sakurai without saying a word, something that he was thankful for. The last thing he needed was some wealthy fan trying to monopolize his time, eleven hours of chit chat would have been brutal.

                He must have fallen asleep, “Mr. Sakurai…you can board the aircraft now” a gentle touch woke him. “Thank you.” Rubbing his face, trying to smear the sleep out of his eyes, Sakurai stood and stretched. Looking over at the other passenger, Sakurai was surprised to see the same young man that had been on the flight from Japan.

                He tried not to stare at the boy, but his fragile beauty was breathtaking. The young man noticed Sakurai looking at him, he smiled and bowed, walking just ahead of the older man down the jetway to the aircraft. Sakurai would not engage this young man, as it was obvious he enjoyed his solitude.

                The jet was away and in the air in thirty minutes, Sakurai grabbing a pillow and a blanket, pushing his seat back and closing his eyes in hopes of the eleven hours passing quickly while he slept.

 

               

                “I was stunned at your request Mistress, although I’m not sure I can help. Uta is torn, battered and nearly dead with tragedy. This will take him some time to overcome, if we can keep him from dying. That is my main concern…he can not see further than Teiji’s ghost, who is still lurking.” Ojisan sat in front of Davina in her parlor. He had called the woman the night before, agreeing to meet with her at the manor.

                “May I speak to Uta?” Ojisan needed to see the boy face to face. Davina rose from her couch and left the room. Ojisan looked around the room, the luxurious woods, the artwork that hung on the walls. He had suspected that Davina was a woman of some wealth, but this was more than he ever imagined.

                “Ojisan?” At the should of his name, the older man quickly rose from his chair. “Uta-kun” Opening his arms to the young man, Uta nearly ran to him. “Ojisan…” Uta whimpered. “Yes, young one, I know.” The older man stood for several minutes while Uta clung to him, finally prying him out of his arms, and guiding him to a small settee. Davina had left the room, closing the door quietly.

                “Why are you here Ojisan? How did you…?” Uta was confused. “Mistress called for me…she said you needed me.” He answered. “I needed you…for what? I don’t understand.”  Ojisan looked straight into Uta’s eyes… his soul. “I think you do know. Your grief over the loss of your lover is killing you, Uta. You must not let that happen. You can grieve, but you must live. You need to speak to someone that understands, not to an old ramen maker. Your lover would be unhappy with you, Uta. Teiji, Mistress’s personal pet…would be so unhappy to see you like this.”

                “I can’t live without him Ojisan, I need to…” Huge tears welled in Uta’s eyes, “You can live and you must. He did not die through any fault of yours, but at the hands of another. He would be here with you right now, he is here” Ojisan put a finger on Uta’s heart. “ _Teddy will always love you as long as you never forget him_.”  Uta gasped, then both men hearing a low cry from the door to the parlor. “Mistress, join us”

                “What did you just say old man?” Davina was pale. “Teddy will always love you as long as you never forget him.” Ojisan repeated. Davina looked at Uta, “That is what Oma said to you, isn’t it Uta?” the boy nodded. “Her exact words…” Ojisan looked a bit confused. “An older woman we met in a church, said the exact same thing, her exact words are yours.” Uta began to shake, his face pale, his skin clammy. “Uta, look at me young one” Ojisan lifted the boy’s chin with one finger.

                “There would be no benefit for Teiji, for you to die. None. It would leave your Mistress alone. _You’re being selfish an insensitive. If you were to die, what would that do to Mistress.”_ Uta gulped, “That is exactly what Ruimaru told me, he said then Mistress would want to die.” Ojisan nodded. “You have two people, unrelated that have told you what you’re doing is wrong. I am telling you what you are doing is wrong. What about your best friend? How would he deal with your death? The others, the small man with the large presence, Taka, Koichi, the two who are loud together, the one that is joined with Koichi, you three have a special connection, what would that do to them if you were to die? It would leave them with questions for the remainder of their lives.”

                Uta hung his head, ashamed of his selfishness. “I don’t know how to live without him, Ojisan. He was my life…we were going to live with Mistress and travel. Teiji had a ring…we were going to get married. How do I move from that?” Ojisan ran his hand along Uta’s cheek, lifting the boy’s head once again. “You cling to his memory, you honor his life by living, and you move forward. Can you be happy again…of course you can, will you love again? Perhaps, you’re very young Uta. But you must not wallow in this destructive grief, it pains more than just you, it pains everyone around you. I want you to come and sit at my counter until we are both old and gray…well, for me that will be a little sooner.” Ojisan cracked his crooked smile at Uta, then looking up at Davina he added, “Mistress you must stay with this young one, for as long as he needs you, and for as long as you need him. You will both know when the time comes to part, not as friends, but as lovers who have lost their connection.”

                “Old man, I still don’t understand you, perhaps that’s for the best. Thank you Ojisan for coming when I asked, both Uta and I cherish your friendship and your guidance.” Davina pulled Uta up off the couch, they both turned and bowed low to Ojisan. “There is no need for such a thing…I am always here for you, even if you don’t like my advice.” Ojisan winked at Uta. As they walked Ojisan to the front of the manor, Davina had one thing left, “Please Ojisan, would you keep this visit a secret, we are not yet ready to speak to anyone else. We still need time to ourselves, to heal a bit more and to get everything sorted before we start seeing people.”  Ojisan nodded. “I may have to send you a special delivery for dinner, I can call Nagaharu and he will come to pick up the meal.”

                “Thank you.” Uta hugged Davina as they walked back to the bedroom. “I guess I needed to hear that from someone other than Ruimaru. I’m sorry Mistress.” Davina stopped, turning to face Uta. “My love, we are going through something that nobody should have to, the untimely death of a loved one, this is not natural. It is one thing to grieve over the death of a parent or other elder family members, it is something evil to have to deal with the death of a lover by the hands of another. I want you to live Uta, I can not bear to think what life would be without you. You are my pet, you are my lover, you are my friend. You are my last connection to our beloved Teiji, I will go to whatever lengths I must to keep you well and happy.”

 

 

                Three hours out from Narita, Sakurai slowly came back to consciousness, with a stretch and a groan. A water bottle and a hot towel appeared at his side immediately, without having to ask. “A light snack Sakurai-san?” the flight attendant asked.

                Sakurai stood for a few moments, to stretch his long legs, moving about the small cabin without annoying the other passenger, whom he snuck a glance at. _My god he’s pretty…I wonder…_ Sakurai’s thoughts trailed off. The flight attendant returned with a small bento, placing it on his tray. She then moved to the back of the plane, spoke softly to the young man. He wanted to ask who this boy was but respected his privacy.

                Arriving at Narita Sakurai phoned for a taxi, not wanting anyone to know he was home just yet, he needed to figure out what his next steps would be in his life. He knew he didn’t want to see Uta, that would be too stressful for the both of them. He wanted to jump back into being in the studio, not going to the clubs, and working on keep himself on track after the rehab stint. There would be no boys in his bed, there would be no scenes, there would be no drunk dials. It was going to be all about work and health.

                As the Taxi dropped him off, he stood in front of his house and groaned, the lights were on and the front door unlocked, “Fuck…really?” Opening his door, he didn’t even wait, shouting, “GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE YUTAKA AND TAKE HIDE WITH YOU!” He didn’t stop at the kitchen, he went straight to his room, throwing his bag down, shedding his clothes as we walked to the bathroom and into a hot shower. Standing under the stinging hot stream, his shoulders relaxed, his back loosened up and he finally let the tension release from his body.

                After fifteen minutes, his knees started to shake, exhaustion creeping into his entire body. “Food” He muttered as he dried off and put a clean pair of pajama pants on. Walking down the long hall, he stopped at the door…his fingers lingering over the doorknob. He knew he shouldn’t go in there, pushing himself to walk away. “I hope you’re gone…if you’re not you need to leave now!” He said loudly as he walked towards the kitchen. He was genuinely surprised that the kitchen was empty, but there was a large bouquet of white lilies on the kitchen table. He picked through the flowers for a card…smiling when he read it.

                “ _Yoshiki called and said you were coming home…for good. We’re sorry_.”

                “It’s okay, ‘Taka…thank you both.” He murmured. He had hoped that they had been at least watching his house, although his neighborhood was one of the safest in the area. “Please let them have stocked my cabinets” He held his hands together in prayer, looking up at the ceiling. Opening his fridge, he laughed, “Really? Chocolate pudding…Chocolate milk, and what’s this?” He reached in and picked up a small box. “Chocolates for a broken heart” was written in the inside, in Yutaka’s handwriting. “Silly man…I love you too” He smiled at the fact that his friends, his brothers really, were concerned. Digging around again, he found the ingredients for a quick sandwich, with pudding for dessert. Sitting down at the small kitchen table he took out his phone.

                “ _Thank you for everything, I need a few days to myself please, I will call you when I’m ready and I’ll meet you at the studio, I love you guys. Don’t worry…I’m fine_.”

                He closed his phone, quickly ate his sandwich and slowly ate the pudding. Cleaning up a bit more, he locked up the house once again and walked down the hall way, stopping again in front of the door. This time though, he opened it. Looking in at the things Uta left behind strewn all over the floor, Sakurai Atsushi stepped into the room, took a deep breath, “Uta, I can still smell you in here. Where are you my beautiful boy…are you well?” He shook his head, quickly stepping back out of the room before he started to cry. He knew it was torture to stand in the room…he thought about having someone come in and tidy it up. He never went through with it, some small part of his heart thought that Uta may return, his brain told him to stop believing in fairy tales.

                “God this feels fucking fantastic!” He wiggled down into the bed. He knew he should be sad about the breakup with Yoshiki…he wasn’t. It didn’t hurt, there were no tears waiting to fall, there was no feeling for the need to drink and drown his sorrows…over all he wasn’t sorry. “Must not have meant to be, Hide-kun…you’re the only man for him, even in death it’s always has been and ever will be, you alone.” He chuckled to himself, competing with a dead man for the love of another. His last thoughts before he drifted off to sleep were not of Hide or Yoshiki, but of Uta.

                “He’s home, he says thanks for the flowers and the chocolate, that he’ll call us in a few days.” Yutaka and Hide were sitting in the back yard, Rima and Zepp asleep at their feet. “Do you think he’ll try?” Hide asked. “If he does, it won’t be for a while I’m guessing. I honestly believe he does not want to hurt the boy any more than he already has. Uta is in such a fragile state right now, we’re not even sure where he and Davina are. No, I think if they come back, Acchan will stay away.” Hide looked out over the yard, the birds in the shallow end of the pond, splashing around bathing. “He still loves the boy, you realize that don’t you? This thing with Yoshiki, what was it? Fun…sex…hope?” Yutaka leaned his head back against his chair, turned his head to look at his lover. “I think he was using Yoshiki as a distraction, to keep himself from running home to find Uta. Once he knew that Davina and the boy were no longer here, he went back to LA. What happened to make him come home? That I’m not sure of. But I think this is where he belongs, there’s too much left over hurt between Acchan and Yoshiki, Hide is still a ghost living with Yo-chan, everyone that’s ever tried to get close to him has fallen to that ghost.” Hide reached over to hold Yutaka’s hand in his, a gentle I love you squeeze.

 

 

  Master, owner of the Shinya Shokudo. He is my model for Ojisan. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The photo is a screen shot from a TV series called "Shinya Shokudo" or Midnight Restaurant. I highly recommend it.  
> The man in the photo is "Master" the owner of the small restaurant.  
> I modeled my "Ojisan" after Master. That is how I see my character...with a little added flavor. 
> 
> Kudos+ comments = Love and inspiration.


	9. Chapter 9

                Pulling into the parking garage of the studio, Sakurai took a deep breath before getting out of his car. _Just keep it simple, don’t explode, re-direct the conversation_. He knew he would have to use the skills that he learned while at the rehab center, in order speak honestly without losing his temper or reaching for alcohol to hide behind. He had a plan in place on how he was going to deal with the questions he knew his friends would have, hoping to make one or two statements and move on to the work at hand.

                Entering the building he was greeted by the receptionist and told where the other members were. He bowed and thanked the woman as he pushed through the inner door. Walking down the long hallway to the last door, he stopped and breathed deeply, opening the door with a smile in place. “Acchan, good to see you again, are you ready to work?” Imai glanced at the vocalist, not really paying much attention to him, although that was not unusual for Imai.

                Sakurai stood in front of his fellow bandmates, his hands behind his back…his eyes showing no emotion. “Please…let it go, I’m fine and I’d rather not talk about it. Also, please do not speak about the boy, that is no longer a part of my life. I’d rather just focus on moving forward as a band, rehearsing for the lives, and generally focusing on Buck Tick.” He bowed…then clapped his hands together and with a big smile, “What’s on the table for today?” The others looked at Atsushi, “We need to talk set lists for the both lives” Hide had his notebook out on the table and with everyone focused, they started their first pre-live meeting.

 

 

                “Wait… you want me to dress as what? Kou…you’re joking right?” Taka was gawking at his best friend, who just gave him an idea for a costume for the MUCC Halloween live. “What? I think it would be funny, you might have to make some alterations so you can actually walk…so why not?” Koichi laughed. “I’m not wearing the bowling pin outfit Kou, so just drop that idea.” Mao, Tomo, Aki and Tora were all sitting on the patio discussing potential costumes for Koichi and Taka. “Is this live a big deal?” Tomo asked, he had no clue to the extent that fans went for this particular concert.

                “Huge deal really, for the guys and the fans, but this will be the first Halloween live Koichi’s been to since…” Mao trailed off, not finishing his thought, averting looking over at his friend. “Mao, it’s fine…that was years ago.” Koichi reached over and smacked Mao lightly on the leg. Tomo looked at Mao and Koichi, “Um, I don’t get it.” Everyone looked at each other, “When I first started working here, we had a crazed musician attacking people, I was the first one.” Koichi watched Tomo’s face.  

                “Kou was attacked, then the guy didn’t do anything…until the Halloween live. He crept up behind Koichi at the show and said something…so this will be the first Halloween live Kou’s been to since then.” Taka finished.

                Tomo looked horrified, “Koichi…I’m sorr…” Koichi held up his hand, waving off Tomo’s apology. “This was years ago, nothing’s going to happen, I’m good Tomo.” The conversation then turned back to costumes. “What are the guys doing this year?” Aki asked, “I think they’ve decided on Black Butler…it’s more cos-play which will make it easier for the guys to play, no bulky costumes” As opening grew closer, the men moved into the HBG, their ‘official’ meeting was over. Aki, Tora and Mao were closing later that afternoon, leaving Koichi, Tomo and Taka to spend a leisurely morning prepping for the night crew. “WAIT!” Mao stopped just as he was reaching for the door.

                “Bride and Groom… dead ones… Taka you can fit into Tatsu’s white wedding suit and Kou… we need to find you a dress!” Taka and Koichi looked at each other and shrugged, “Wait…why do I have to be the bride?” Koichi whined. “Because you’re shorter than I am…duh Kou. I have to pick you up and carry you over the threshold” Aki stifled a giggle, “Uh, what threshold Taka… or is this just a way for you to be allowed to carry Kou?”

                Tora reached over and smacked Aki in the back of the head. “Stop it!” he hissed at his husband. “Where are we going to find a wedding dress that will fit me? The live is in three days Mao…” Koichi wasn’t denying that the idea was good, just the lack of an available wedding dress. “Let me think about it…I’ll text you if I come up with something, but keep thinking incase I can’t find one!” Mao waved as he headed out the door.  “Sounds like a pretty good idea, as long as we can find a dress.”

 

 

                Standing next to Koichi, Taka felt the familiar twinge in his gut…something he hadn’t felt in years. _Fuck…why now? He looks so…damn it…stop it, you asshole_! Taka and Koichi had walked into the venue with Shinya and Kai, who looked amazing in Shinya’s early VK days dresses. Both had masks on to make sure they weren’t noticed, nothing ruined their night quicker than fans wanting to talk to them when they weren’t actually performing.    

Koichi and Taka went with a very pale white foundation for their faces, heavy eyeliner and very red lips on Koichi, who’s hair was half up and the rest messy around his face. Taka’s hair was half tied back, he used black lipstick instead of the red. He was surprised when Tatsu’s wedding suit fit him almost perfectly, the dress Mao’s sister had given Koichi to wear was also a very good fit, although a bit too long. They looked so perfect together, Taka’s twinge surged into a warmth that pooled in the very pit of his stomach.

                The foursome had gone to the bar early, had a few drinks and then moved inside, people were openly staring at the foursome as they moved towards the center of the room, picking a spot about ten feet from the stage. As with the last Halloween live they all attended, the Mucc boys had no idea what their husbands were wearing, it was too much fun watching them search for their mates. The house lights when down and a loud roar from the crowd signaled the start of the live. Sato was out first, dressed as Grell Sutcliff, Miya came out as the Undertaker, Yukke as Ciel and finally, Tatsuruo as Sebastian, once everyone understood the costumes, another cheer went up.

                The house lights went up so the band could talk with the crowd, all four members searching for their husbands. Yukke and Miya picked out Shinya and Kai right away, but Sato and Tatsu had a harder time, until Sato yelled and pointed at the couple. A huge grin broke out on Tatsu’s face, especially once he recognized his wedding suit on Taka. With a thumb’s up, Tatsu started as MC, pointing out various costumes, the one man who was dressed as Hyde from a few years back, more than a few cosplayers dressed as Hide, a girl dressed as Marilyn Monroe. The band applauded the crowd for their creativity and jumped right into Daikirai… leaving Tatsu another opportunity to point at various people with his infamous ‘Kirai”.

                Taka stood next to Koichi, wanting to desperately hold the smaller man’s hand, the emotions he was feeling were confusing…he had buried that part of him long ago, why was it resurfacing now? He was trying not to stare at his friend, keeping his eyes on the band, or looking at other people in the crowd, but the heat that was coming from Koichi…Taka couldn’t ignore it.

                As the band went through several songs, Taka noticed a young man, tall and lean, dressed completely VK, standing in front of Tatsu, looking up at the vocalist with an eerie stare…it made Taka uncomfortable. The man wasn’t doing anything, just staring, but if Tatsu looked down, the man averted his eyes, looking down immediately. But the minute Tatsu looked away the man started to stare at him again. Taka was watching so intently, he didn’t notice that Koichi had tapped him on the shoulder, trying to figure out what Taka was watching.

                A few more songs in, and the opening riff for _Joker_ starts, a song that gave Koichi a certain type of visceral reaction, warmth spreading to his groin as he watched his husband crawl on his hands and knees, knowing Tatsu was singing to him…and only him. Taka couldn’t watch his best friend, he knew the emotions Koichi was feeling for Tatsu, turning his attention to the young man standing at the front of the state.

                The man was mesmerized by Tatsu, his lips parting as he slowly slid his tongue slowly over his lips. He needed to move closer, to be able to touch the dark persona in front of him…he would belong to that man, that was his master…he could feel it in the slow hardening of his cock. He stepped towards the stage, trying to push past a girl wearing an Alice in Wonderland costume…he put his hand out to push her aside. “Don’t do that” a voice sounded in the man’s ear, a hand on his shoulder. He turned to look at Taka, seeing Koichi standing right behind him, glaring at the man.

                Looking at Taka, then at Koichi…back to Taka, the man’s eyes grew wide, his mouth forming a perfect O. He immediately averted his eyes, looked down and bowed, without looking up, he turned and walked away from the stage. Taka glanced at Koichi, who was still angrily staring the man down as he moved through the crowd, he picked up Koichi’s hand and patted it, but didn’t drop it, instead pulling it close to his chest, forcing Koichi to turn his attention back to the band. Taka held him in place like that until the intermission, he would have held Koichi’s hand for the rest of the night if he could have. He was confused…why are these feelings coming back…after all this time?”

                “What the hell was that all about?” Koichi wrenched his hand away from Taka’s, “who the hell was that guy? He was totally drooling over Tatsu! Asshole…let’s go…” Taka grabbed Koichi’s arm, “Wait… the guy’s a submissive” he explained. “How the hell can you tell that?” Koichi still wanted to go to the bar, he needed a drink at this point. “You glared at him, he saw it as a reprimand, that’s why he bowed and left. You shut him down just looking pissy with him.” Koichi’s shoulders dropped, “Oh…well I guess that makes sense. He wouldn’t know that we were together anyways, right?”

                “Nope, he would have just seen you as another submissive that didn’t like what he was doing, so you reprimanded him. He’s probably still here, do you want to talk to him?” Koichi hesitated for a moment. “No, I’ll go hang out with Shinya and Kai, can you just get me a beer please?” Taka made his way through the crowd to the bar area, where he saw the man standing off to the side. As Taka approached him, the man dropped his eyes to stare at the floor. “I’m not a dominant, you don’t have to do that.” Taka now stood in front of the man, “Hi… my name is Taka, and you’re…?” “Leda…um, my name is Leda, please tell your friend I’m sorry…I didn’t know that the singer was his dominant, I mean…shit…just tell him I’m sorry.”

                “No worries, Tatsu isn’t Koichi’s dominant, they’re married actually. Are you new to the area?” The two men started talking, Leda telling Taka that he was from Osaka and had just moved to Tokyo, hoping to find work and just live a better freer life than in his home town. “You have no dominant then?” Leda shook his head, “No…I don’t even know what the hell to do right now!” Just as Taka was going to speak, Koichi walked up, “Hey…where the hell is my beer?” he snapped. Leda made a small sound, “Please, accept my apologies, I didn’t know that… and you… um…” Leda stammered.

                “Hi, I’m Koichi…” Leda looked up, surprised that Koichi was being kind. “This is Leda…he just moved here from Osaka…he had no way of knowing.” Leda blushed a deep red, “It’s okay…I’m sorry that I gave you a shitty look, it’s not something that the general public knows about.” Koichi finally got his beer, talked to Leda a little more about the local clubs, “I went to the Fetish Club, but it was really weird there…no one approached me at all, they just looked at me weirdly.” Taka and Koichi exchanged a look, Koichi then nodding. “If you have time, come over to the High Ball Garden…it’s under Tokyo Tower. Both Koichi and I work there, if you have time come by one afternoon, we can talk more about the situation at the clubs…it’s probably something you should be aware of anyways.”

                The live had started again, Leda bowing to both Koichi and Taka as he moved away from the bar. “He seems nice…looks a little scared don’t you think?” Koichi noted. “Yah… maybe if he’ll come by, we can at least let him know what’s going on and who to look out for.” By the end of the live, most of the crowd who were in costume had either removed as much as they could, or the makeup had sweated off. Taka and Koichi felt a little grungy as they moved towards the backstage area. Kai and Yukke were in a corner laughing over Kai’s whining about wearing a dress, Shinya was sitting on Miya’s lap, whispering secrets to each other. “Let’s go home, I need to get out of this dress…I don’t understand how Shin could wear these playing drums…they’re impossible to move in!” Kai whined again.

                “Hey Taka…you look pretty damned good in my suit!” Tatsu yelled at him. “Yah, but it’s a little tight in the ass… you never got much of your ass back from when you were sick.” To emphasize the issue, Taka turned around and bent over, showing everyone that the seat of the pants had ripped, which created a storm of laughter and more jokes about who’s ass was nicer. “I still say Uruha has the SEXIST legs in the industry”

That comment started the argument about Reita’s ass and how much Tatsu knew about it. “Are we going to have that argument again? Do you remember where we ended up after that?” Everyone was now looking at Koichi and Tatsu, “What?” Tatsu looked around “Where did you end up Tatsu?? Hmmm????” Kai snickered “None of your damned business Kai…you just do…well you just do whatever you do to Yukke and leave us out of this!”   “You heard him Yu-kun… what is it that I do to you?” After a few moments of everyone making lewd comments, the dressing room cleared out quickly, the couples all wanting to get home to do whatever it was that they did.

“Babe…that was amazing! You looked so fucking hot in that suit I almost jumped down from the stage to kiss you!” Sato was still panting, lying on his back, Taka next to him with his face buried in his husband’s neck. “Mmm, you looked hot what that red wig on, you should leave those glasses on next time we fuck…you looked so fuckable” Taka was trying so hard to be believable, even as he had closed his eyes only to see Koichi’s face. He threw everything he was feeling for Koichi at that moment, into his love making with Sato. Taka was so confused, there was no reason for him to be thinking of his best friend like that…again! He loved Sato more than anything in this world, but Koichi…Kou. Taka looked up when he heard Sato’s snoring, the man was exhausted after a live, then coming home to some pretty damned great sex, had just dragged out the last of his energy reserves.  Getting up to get a bottle of water, Taka padded through his house, the house that Sato bought for him as a wedding gift, the house where they had shared so much, had loved so hard. As he chugged down the entire bottle of water, he thought of his life right now, there was no way he was going to let his sexual fantasies of Koichi ruin his marriage…no he’d already done that…twice. No more, he would love Sato forever. _Kou._

 

 

Davina had not slept through the night since Teiji’s murder, waking several times a night, each time taking longer to fall back asleep. Tonight was no different, Teiji haunted her dreams once again, Davina getting out of bed to wander the large manor house, wrestling with her thoughts. She walked towards the room where her lover last laid, reaching out to open the door she paused. “No, don’t, you’ll regret it.” she whispered to no one. Tonight’s dream had upset her; _She was at the flat…Teiji answered the door, a small hole on the side of his head, blood running down his shirt as he smiled and held his arms out to embrace his Mistress_.

She shivered, the dream felt very real and it frightened her. The one thing in the dream that stayed with her with was the flat…she had not been to Teiji’s flat since his death, she’d been putting it off until… Until when? Uta would have to agree to go with her, it was only fair that the boy be allowed some closure, but would it damage him further? Uta was just coming to terms with his new life without his lover, having him go to the flat they shared could put that recovery in jeopardy. The flat could not be left standing just as a memorial to her lover…and to Uta.

As she wandered through the spacious house, she found herself at the koi pond, sitting on the small rock wall that surrounded the pool. “Hello my beauties, would you help me if you could?” Davina looked for Hercules, hoping that he was not lying dead at the bottom of the pond, she hoped that she wouldn’t be the one to find the old koi when it was his time. Leaning over, Davina splashed the water with her fingers, Hercules knew that sound and soon enough, he swam slowly over to the beautiful woman.

“Hello old man, how do you feel today?” The fish sidled up to the side of the wall, Davina caressing the fish softly.  The other koi somehow knew to give the two privacy, not crowding around and begging for food. Davina watched her koi, slowly swimming in lazy patterns, a relaxing past time that she had grown to love. It was easy to come to the pond and lose yourself in the serenity of the fish.

“Mistress?” Davina turned to see Uta standing near the door, still wearing Teiji’s pajamas. “Uta, sit with me for a moment.” She held her hand out and guided the boy to sit in front of her. “We need to talk about something, it’s going to be painful but it must be done in order for both of us to move forward.” Uta’s brow furrowed, he wasn’t ready for any more pain. “I need to go to the flat…I’m not sure what I’m going to do with the property, I’m leaning towards selling it…it’s too painful for me to keep.”

Uta just nodded, he knew he would never live in the flat again. “Uta, would you like to come with me, we can take all of yours and Teiji’s things out and bring them home if you’d like.” Uta was watching the koi, his heart tearing once again. “May I keep Teiji’s things? All of it?” he asked without looking at Davina. “Yes, there are items there that I’d like to keep as well. Do you want to go with me?” Uta said nothing for a few minutes, his fingers in the water, the koi coming up and nibbling on his fingers. After about ten minutes, he looked up at Davina, “Yes please, I want to go with you. I know it will be hard on both of us, but Ojisan said we need to continue to live.”

“When would you like to go? I think that it would be best to go today, get through this and recover, we both made need a drink and a nap after this.” Davina gently teased Uta. “That’s fine…it’s better to do it now, waiting any later might hurt more.” They left the koi pond and walked to the kitchen, not saying much other than talking about boxes. “Nagaharu will have a truck come and pick up the boxes and bring them here, he was one step ahead of me and had boxes delivered to the flat. All we need to do is box up what we want, then I will contact a cleaning company, have the flats all cleaned and then I will put them up for sale. There are no other tenants so there are no worries about displacing anyone.” Neither one of them were looking forward to going to the flat, but as Ojisan had said, they needed to continue to live…for Teiji and each other.

 

 

Sakurai Atsushi sat down heavily on the couch, sweat running down his face. Rehearsals had proven just how out of shape them man had become during his stint at rehab and prior, due to his destructive behaviors. “Acchan…” Imai held out a bottle of water for his friend. “Thanks…” Imai leaned against a table across from Sakurai, looking at the man, “What? Do I have snot on my shirt or something?” Imai grinned, “I just like seeing you sweat like a pig…it proves my point from six months ago” Sakurai snorted, “And what point may that be?”

“That you were a crazed stalker, out of control alcoholic and general asshole, that point” Imai was never at a loss for words, although he did not speak often when he did it made a definite impact. “Thank you for your observation…I’m done being that person if you haven’t already noticed. I have no intention on doing any of that…ever. That part of my life is over, so can we just move forward and focus on the upcoming lives please?” Sakurai asked. “Fine with me…just don’t fall back into that pattern Acchan…I still have no hesitations in disbanding if you revert to your past behavior.”

 

He was nervous, not completely comfortable in his skin, something he had never really felt before walking on stage to perform. He’d been out of the limelight for a goodly amount of time, had his fans forgotten him? Sakurai refused to look out at the crowd, unwilling to be disappointed if the show had not sold out. He heard the crowd raise their voices, the lights in the venue had gone down…it was time. Toll walked out first, followed by Yutaka and Hide, waving at the crowd as they started calling for Acchan. Imai slapped Sakurai on the back “It’s going to be fine Acchan…just remember it’s Buck Tick” Imai went through the curtain and took his place on the state. Sakurai took a breath, ran his fingers through his hair and took that first step…the first step in journey to complete wholeness.

“Oh fuck! That was fucking AMAZING!” Sakurai dropped into the nearest chair exhausted from the last 3 encores. The man was a sweating mess, his eyeliner dripping down his face. “That was a good live…a very good live.” Imai admitted. “You sounded wonderful Acchan, better than you have in quite some time.” Yutaka gave his friend a playful slap on the back. The concert had exceeded everyone’s expectations, mainly due to the energy and charisma that exuded from Sakurai Atsushi, his interactions with the crowd and his singing were better than anyone had expected.

“You did sound rather good Atsushi, you surprised me.” Toll said quietly. “I felt better than I have in a long time…I had no distractions! It felt so fucking GOOD!” Sakurai felt whole again, as if the past few years had not happened. “Good job Acchan” Hide patted Sakurai on the shoulder. It took them an hour to gather up their belongs and head home, Sakurai wanting nothing more than a hot shower and more water. He had though about a beer or a glass of wine but rejected the idea immediately. He knew if he started now…it would only end badly.

Sitting on his couch after his shower, hair dripping onto the leather, Sakurai replayed the night in his mind thinking of ways that he could improve his performance. He had no thoughts of Uta that night, no thoughts of scenes or clubs…no thought of new pets, he was happily exhausted and drained. Locking up the house Sakurai made his way down the hall to his bedroom, with no thoughts of stopping at Uta’s room. He wanted only to drop dead and fall into a deep refreshing sleep, no dreams, no nightmares.

 

“One more time for Iconoclasm, it didn’t feel right.” Sakurai was pushing himself, perfection had always been a bane in his life, the need to be the absolute perfect vocalist. They had one day between lives, usually spent recovering from the first, they were no longer young men and performing at the level they did, often left everyone a little worse for wear.  “Acchan, we’ve done that song 4 times, lets move on please” Yutaka whined. “Fine, let’s go through the rest of the set list and then call it a day.”

The second live was just as exciting and successful as the first, Acchan was performing as the Dark Prince again, his fans eating up his sexy words and moves. Only one thing differed between the two lives…loneliness. After the concert, everyone went their separate ways, there were no after live drinking parties…they were all too old for those long nights and way too early mornings. Sakurai ended up driving home alone, showering a lone and winding down… alone. He started to reach for an unopened bottle of wine…instead he walked down the hallway, stopping at the door. There was a pain in his chest… his heart really, that allowed him to open the door.

“Uta…my boy…where are you?” He whispered to the dark. Stepping into the room, he closed the door behind him. He didn’t touch nor move anything that had been tossed around when Uta was making his move to Teiji’s, Sakurai was treating the room as a shrine to his love and his stupidity. He sat gingerly on the edge of the bed, picking up a pillow and covering his face, breathing in the slight scent of the boy he loved… Yoshiki was right, he still loved Uta.

“I tried Uta, I tried to leave you behind, I wanted to love him…but you were haunting me.” He placed the pillow down, then leaned over and fell into the bed, the tears starting to flow, the sobs wrenching from his gut. He had no idea how to move forward from what he had done, to what he could do. Uta was lost to him, he would not compete with another dead man, like he had with Hide. It wasn’t fair to either of the other men. _What if I saw you on the streets? I’m afraid to approach you, I don’t want you running away in fear or loathing.  I can not speak to Davina…she wouldn’t believe anything I’d have to say, not that I fault her for it. I deserve all this pain, I deserve to be seen as a pariah in the community_. He closed his eyes, the sobs slowly fading into whimpers, his breath began to even out and he slept.

 

  Tomo                           Leda. Not happy with this choice of pictures. 


	10. Chapter 10

 

 

                “So, what do you think? Are you interested?” Taka was sitting on the patio with Leda, who had shown up at the HBG specifically to speak with Taka about the BSDM community and the issues of the clubs. Leda was an intelligent young man, an art major that after graduation had no prospects in his small town in Osaka, coming to the larger city in hopes of finding decent steady employment, leaving him to rent a single flat with money he had saved while working during school. After speaking with him, Taka thought he might be a good fit for the holiday season.

                “Hell yes I’m interested! What’s the next step?” Taka had to laugh at the boy’s eagerness, but that’s what youth was about. “Let’s go into the office, I have paperwork and all that crap to get you to sign.” Taka and Leda walked to the office, reaching for the door at the same time Mao did, Leda and Mao almost crashed into each other. “Oh shit… sorry Taka! Um,” Mao stuttered. “This is Leda, he’s going to be our seasonal help, Leda this is Mao, he’s… well he’s just Mao” Mao stuck his tongue out at Taka, “Hi Leda, welcome to the hell hole!”

                “MAO!” Taka lunged at the man. “Hahah! Old man…” Mao ducked away, but was hit in the temple by a lemon, “BULLSEYE!” Tora laughed. As this was going down, Leda started to slowly back out of the building, now he was a bit undecided if he wanted to work for Taka. “Leda, stop…come here.” Taka held out his arm, taking Leda by the shoulder. “Guys, for fucks sake…cool it until I can get him to sign the paperwork, please?” Mao and Tora looked remorseful, until Taka had Leda in the office and he had closed the door, then it turned into a lemon vs ice war, with Tora and Mao acting like teenagers.

                “Uh, does his happen a lot here? Throwing lemons?” Leda sat down, peeking through the window at the war between the two men. “Unfortunately, yes…this does happen frequently. But nobody’s being hurt, sometimes we need to do silly things to relieve the stress that comes with our situation here at the HBG.” Taka was still shaking his head as he gathered the paperwork for Leda. “This portion is new, and it’s important, so please read it carefully before you sign.”

                Taka watched for Leda’s reaction as he read the non-disclosure clause, “Any questions?” Taka asked, knowing that there would be some. “This is a joke isn’t it? I have to sign a piece of paper so I don’t talk about people? Wait… I don’t understand.” Taka got up and opened the door, “Mao… in here please”.

                “Again Taka?” Mao huffed. “Just do it Mao” Taka snapped. Mao went through the same speech he had given Tomo just a week or so earlier, receiving the same blank stare from Leda as he had gotten from Tomo. “You’re joking…they’re married… you’re married to…?” The other two men nodded. “Yep, Taka and Sato have been together for ages, they’re old farts now. Not so much fun at parties” Mao slipped his hip away just as Taka reached for him.

                “Okay, so no talking about your husbands, what else?” Mao ran down the list, Ruki and Die, Sakurai and Buck Tick. “What about Uta?” Mao hesitated before continuing, “He’s a sub, Mao. He knows about Uta and the others.” This surprised Mao, “oh…okay. Guess I don’t need to mention that part.” Mao sighed, “Am I done now?” Taka nodded, “Yes, go back to work.” Mao walked out and closed the door, “He’s best friends with Uta, this whole ordeal has been very hard on him, on all of us really. Are you still interested in working here, even with all of the distractions?” Taka hoped they hadn’t scared Leda away with all the nonsense and information. “Yes sir, I accept the offer!” Leda smiled. “Good, one thing though… don’t call me sir, I’m really not that much older than you are and I’m not a dominant, you’re good with just calling me Taka.”

                Taka took Leda on a general tour, “Come in tomorrow morning, you can train with Aki and Koichi.” Leda bowed and thanked them all and left. “He seems nice, a bit shy don’t you think?” Mao watched Leda leave the HBG patio area, waving as he walked out. “I think he’s super submissive, that’s all. He’ll figure out his spot here, I’m just glad I didn’t have to wade through applications and interviews for a seasonal position.

                “Any more news on the DCR party? Do we have a date yet?” Taka shrugged, “Haven’t heard anything from Koichi yet, maybe tomorrow when he opens with me. I’ll let you guys know as soon as I do, hopefully there will be no problems or issues…I’d like to make it through one event, just one with no problems, no Ruki rampages, no Die hitting on the cute boys, no Kyo losing his temper…just a peaceful party.”  Taka knew just as he was speaking the words, that he had just jinxed the party… he just knew it.

 

 

                Davina sat in the Gardenia room with Uta, watching the boy unpack the boxes they had retrieved from Teiji’s flat. The boy paused with every single item, holding it close to this heart, smelling it, kissing it. He then placed each item in it’s spot; Teiji’s cologne went into the bathroom, his clothes were hung in the closet, his laptop on the bedside table. The clothes were the hardest for Uta to let go of, he placed each one on the bed, until it was covered in the dead man’s clothes, then Uta crawled on top of the bed, lying face down so he could breathe in Teiji’s scent.

                Davina held a special shirt in her lap, one that she had given her lover the year before, asking Uta if she could have it. “Davina, you can have anything you want, he was your lover before he was mine. We can share his things, just as we shared him with each other.” Uta put his head in his Mistresses lap, Davina carding through his hair slowly. The pictures were hung in the room, the items from their kitchen, were placed in the large kitchen in the manor.

                Davina left Uta sitting on the bed, holding a stuffed bear that Teiji had bought him when they had gone out on a date, closing the door quietly behind her. She leaned against the wall, sliding down to the floor, her face in her lover’s shirt. “My love…how long can I hold this scent in my heart? How long until Uta recovers…if he does?” She sat on the floor for a good long while, trying to summon the courage to get up and keep living. It would so much easier just to go into the Gardenia room with Uta, wrapped in each other’s arms, to close their eyes and never wake.

                Davina quickly rose from her spot on the floor when she heard the doorknob turn, “Mistress?” Uta peered down at her. “I got a little dizzy, so I just sat down.” Davina lied with relative ease. “Let’s have a cup of tea” Reaching for Uta’s hand, Davina walked with the boy to the kitchen. “I think it’s time to let people know we have are home.” Davina waited for the backlash.

                “I’m fine with that, but no visitors please.” Uta was looking at his tea. “What about Mao, the boys from the HBG, perhaps them at the very least?” She knew she had to pressure the boy, he had to start to be social again.

                “Only Mao…I’m not ready for the others yet, can Kyo bring them here?” He wasn’t worried about Kyo, he knew the man wouldn’t say anything and would also control Mao’s mouth. “When would you like to see them?” Davina wanted to have them sometime in the next few days, the longer Uta kept himself imprisoned in Teiji’s memory, the harder it would be for him to move on.

                “It doesn’t matter, whenever is good for them.” Uta shrugged. “I will call Kyo today to plan a visit. Is there anything you’d like to do today? Perhaps a drive to the beach?” Davina suggested. “Sure…that would be fine. Will Nagaharu drive us?” Davina almost said yes, then abruptly changed her mind. “I think we’ll take the small sedan, I’ll pack some sandwiches, we’ll make it a quick day trip, ne?” She cupped Uta’s chin in her hand, “I want to see that beautiful smile today, I miss your eyes sparkling, my love.” She gently kissed Uta, a small whimper from the boy surprising her. She said nothing.

               

                With the windows down, the radio turned up a little louder than normal, Davina and Uta drove through the city and out to the parkway express towards the beach. Uta had his head back, the wind blowing his hair and with a small sigh, he let his body relax. Davina looked over at him, he did have a small smile on his face. Reaching over she held Uta’s hand, giving it a gentle squeeze as she kept her eyes on the road. It took roughly an hour to get to their destination, a rather quiet inlet with not many people down on the sand.

                “Grab that basket, I’ve got the cooler and the blanket.” Davina was actually smiling with pleasure, something she hadn’t done in months. They found a nice spot on the beach and while Davina unpacked the lunch she prepared, Uta walked down to the water. Davina watched him as the boy waded into the surf, when something flashed in her mind. “Shit!” She dropped what she was doing and quickly walked down to the surf. She waded into the water to stand next to Uta, picking up his hand.

                “It’s beautiful here, I love watching the waves, the surfers and the children. I grew up near a beautiful beach such as this…I was a water baby, always going in too far over my head and my mother having to come to rescue me” Uta turned to look at Davina, she rarely spoke of her childhood and when she did it wasn’t usually a pleasant memory. “Let’s eat! I’m starving.” She firmly held Uta’s hand and dragged him out of the surf, relieved that she had caught him in time.

                The lunch was filling, the conversation light…the topic anything but Teiji. “I think I may invite Madame F and Isshi over for lunch, would you like to see Ruimaru? I should find out what is going on in the community, although I fear I will no longer be a part of it.” She had not decided what she would do in the future. “That would be nice…would Ormond come as well?” Uta wanted desperately to see the man, he was the other last link to Teiji. “I’m sure he would, he hasn’t seen either one of us since…”

                Before she could finish the sentence, Uta reached up and softly kissed his Mistress, not like a friend, but not like a lover. He then lay his head in Davina’s lap, a place that seemed to bring him comfort. Davina carded through Uta’s now very long hair, carefully breaking up the small knots and brushing it out of his eyes. Davina watched the surf, the children playing in the shallows, dogs running up and down the beach. She looked down at the man-child with his head in her lap, an adult with adult responsibilities, but a boy with child like emotions covered in grief. Uta was sleeping, his mouth slightly parted, lost to the world.

                Slowly Davina reached for her phone, quietly texting her friends;

                _Madame F, I would like you to bring Ormond and have lunch at the manor, I’m going to invite Isshi and Ruimaru was well, please let me know an available time_.

                Before she could start texting Isshi, she received a reply from Madame F.               _Davina my dear, you tell me when to be there, and Ormond and I will arrive_

                She smiled, Madame F was one of her closest friends and her ultimate Sensei, the fact that the woman would drop everything to come to lunch, spoke volumes about the woman and her lovely pet.

                _Isshi darling, I’d like to have you and your angel over for lunch, would tomorrow be too soon? Let’s say 11:45_?

                She closed her phone and placed it back in her purse, moving just a bit, Uta woke from his nap. “Have I been sleeping long?” he sat up. “No, only about thirty minutes, I do think it is time we should head back. I need to call Kyo when we return to the manor.”

 

                Uta had the window open again, enjoying the cool wind on his face, blowing his hair back away from his eyes. Davina glanced at the boy every so often, trying to read his face, the incident of him walking into the surf unnerved her. They were at a stop light waiting to turn, Davina and Uta were talking causally, a driver, two lanes over stared at them. It can’t be! Déjà vu flooded the man’s brain…he had seen this almost exact scene before. He almost called out to the boy but something stopped him. He had promised not to interfere with the woman and the boy, but someone had purposely kept the fact that they were home from him. Before he could change his mind and speak out, the light changed and the car turned and went down the street.

                _SHIT_!

 

 

                Uta went to the Gardenia room as soon as they got back to the manor, “I want to take a nap with Teiji.” Is all he said. Davina said nothing, waiting until Uta had closed the door before she took out her phone.

                _Kyo? Yes…we are. No, not really…I have a favor to ask. Would you please bring Mao to the manor? Yes, I’ve convinced him to see just Mao at this point, it’s a step forward. No, I wouldn’t. Wait until he gets here. This afternoon would be fine, do you know the address? Oh yes, I had forgotten that party…it was rather nasty wasn’t it! Thank you, Kyo_.

                Davina went to the Gardenia room and peeked in on Uta. The boy was covered in Teiji’s clothing, sleeping curled up with the stuffed bear. _He looks so happy right now…is he dreaming of leaving me to be with Teiji?_ She quietly closed the door and walked down the long hall to her own bedroom, her thoughts still consumed with Uta and Teiji and what would become of the two left behind.

 

                “Why didn’t you tell me they were back?” Sakurai was standing in front of Yutaka and Hide at their house, he had driven straight there after seeing Davina and Uta in the car on the streets. “We didn’t know they were back! No one has said a word to us! So, stop being an asshole, we’re just as surprised as you are!” Yutaka was indeed as surprised as Sakurai was. “We haven’t heard from her since before she and Uta left for Europe. How do you know that they’re back…did you see them?” Sakurai fell back onto the couch, leaning forward with his head in his hands. “They were both in that little car that Davina has…the one that I’ve seen Uta in before.” Leaning back on the couch, the man raked his hands through his hair.

                “Did they see you?” Hide asked. “No…and no I didn’t say anything to them…but it was tempting to call out to him, I can’t deny that.” Sitting back up, he looked over at his friends, “I’m not going to lie, I’m still in love with Uta.” Yutaka smiled at Sakurai, “Acchan…we know that deep in your heart you love the boy. It was a valiant attempt on your part to go back to Yoshiki, but honestly, we knew that wouldn’t last. Yo-chan sings a pretty song, but there’s no room in his heart for another other than Hide.” Yutaka got up and moved to sit next to his friend. “Uta doesn’t need you right now, he needs time, space and especially Davina. Please Acchan, for everyone’s best interest, don’t approach Uta or Davina unless they call for you. Promise me that?” Sakurai Atsushi nodded to his friend, “I promise I won’t approach Uta or Davina unless they come to me.”

 

 

                “UTA!” Before he could stand up, Mao was on top of him. “Mao! I can’t…breathe!” Uta moaned. “Oh…heh sorry. Oh my god, I’ve missed you so much! I’m so glad you’re finally home!” Mao hugged his friend again. “I’m glad to see you too…I’ve missed you.” Uta answered softly. “Um…” Kyo was standing behind Mao, “I’m glad you’re home Uta.” Uta pushed Mao off of him and stood up, Kyo grabbing him into a bear hug. “I’m so sorry baby…” Kyo sobbed into Uta’s neck. “It’s okay Kyo…thank you.” Uta murmured in his friend’s ear. It took Kyo a few minutes to regain his composure, then he turned to Davina, pulling her into a tight hug. “Mistress, I don’t have the words to tell you how I feel right now” Davina was touched by the man’s compassion, he had been a friend for some time, “Thank you Kyo” She bent down and kissed the man on the cheek.

                “Mistress, I’m going to take Mao to see Hercules” Uta got up and took Mao’s hand, his friend looking puzzled “Who is Hercules?” Uta didn’t answer. “You’ll see…he’s pretty impressive and old.”  Uta was thoroughly confused. As they made their way to the koi pond, Mao was impressed by the size of the manor. “Uta, how do you not get lost in this house…it’s freaking huge!” Uta giggled, “When I first came here I got lost all the time. Once I even had to call Tei…” his voice trailed off. They turned the corner and Uta stopped before a large sliding door…opening it he pulled Mao outside. Mao quickly changed his attention.

                “Wow…nice pond!” Mao said as he sat down on the low rock wall that surrounded the pond. Uta dipped his fingers in and swished them around…watching for the ancient koi to appear. “Holy shit he’s huge!” Mao gawked at Hercules. “Davina says he’s at least forty years old…he belonged to her father and when he died, Davina took Hercules.” Hercules swam over and sidled up to the wall of the pond, Mao reached down and stroked the large fish. “He’s friendly! Like a big water dog!” Uta giggled. “Ruimaru loves him…” he wanted to say more but the pain in his chest forced him to fall silent.

                “When are you coming back to work?” Mao asked. “I don’t know that I ever will, I’m not even sure what I’m doing tonight…I can’t plan that far ahead” Uta knew that answer wouldn’t be enough for Mao, but it was the best Uta could do at the moment. “We’ve hired two new guys, Tomo and Leda. Tomo’s taken your place until you come back. He’s nice enough…but he’s not you. Leda is only there as seasonal help, the DCR parties won’t be the same without you.”  Uta smiled, “I miss you guys, I just can’t see myself working right now…if ever” Uta admitted, “Ojisan came to visit.” Mao’s head snapped up. “What? Why did he come…how?”

                “Mistress must have called him.” Uta didn’t want to explain what Ojisan said to him. Looking at Mao, Uta’s eyes pleaded with the man to let the subject drop, Mao nodded. “I miss Ojisan’s ramen. We should go one night, just you and I” Mao was looking at the fish again. “I’d like that, but you have to promise no surprises! Don’t lie to me, if Koichi or Taka shows up, I’ll hate you forever if you’re the reason.” Uta was serious, he wanted to control this part of his life, letting people in when _he_ decided.  “I promise. When _will_ you let the others know you’re home? You can stay hidden here at the manor forever.”

                “If I chose to never leave this house, that’s my decision. I will not live my life for others, all that gets me is hurt in the end. I’m sorry if isn’t what you want to hear from me, Mao…but I will live my life for myself, no one else not even you.” Uta was on edge, he didn’t believe he needed to justify to anyone on what he was doing. “Let’s go back to the parlor” Uta said to Mao. “I’m hungry, do you want a sandwich?” Mao shrugged and followed Uta back into the manor.

               

                Kyo sat with Davina in the large kitchen with a cup of tea in front of him. “He looks rough Davina…really rough.” Kyo wasn’t happy with Uta’s overall condition, it was frightening to see the young man with dead eyes and very thin. “He looks slightly better than he did when we arrived in Maastricht…” Davina trailed off. “I thought he was going to try to drown himself again yesterday” Davina’s voice was so soft, Kyo almost didn’t hear her. “What do you mean…yesterday?” Kyo knew about the bathtub incident, but this was new information. “We went to the beach yesterday, he waded into the surf almost as soon as we arrived, I don’t know that he was trying to drown himself, but I didn’t take a chance and I went after him, held him by the hand and took him back to our blanket.”

                “Is he that hell bent on dying? Does he not see the light of life in order to move forward?” Kyo was leaning on the counter, searching Davina’s eyes for an answer. “I don’t know anymore Kyo, he flips from wanting to do things in the future, to lying on the bed in the Gardenia room, covered in Teiji’s clothes. I was hoping that you could give me the name and number of the therapist that spent time with the boys from the attacks.” Kyo got out his phone, “I’ll text you Maeta’s number, he truly helped Koichi after the attack, I believe he spoke with Shinya and Uta as well.”

                “Kyo! You should come with me and look at Hercules!” Mao and Uta walked into the kitchen, Uta a little paler than earlier. “Hercules?” Kyo raised an eyebrow. “Hercules is my ancient koi, he’s been with me for a very long time. He’s more dog than fish” Davina watched Uta move about the kitchen, starting to make lunch for them. “Sure, take me away to see this fish”. Mao bowed to Davina, grabbed Kyo by the hand and led him away.

                “Mao seems to like Hercules…how was your visit with Kyo?” Uta put his arm around Davina’s slender shoulders, nuzzling her hair. “It was good to speak to him again, I’ve missed some of my friends from the community. What about you and Mao?” She was going to push this. “He kept asking me when I was coming back to work, he was being pushy and I don’t appreciate that. It’s not his say on when or if I go back to work. He should mind his own business and stop pressuring me. I told him I may never leave the manor and it was my decision, I warned him not to tell anyone…I just hope he listened.”

                “He says he won’t leave the house, that he’s staying inside for good. That’s not healthy for him! How do I convince him to come back to work, to get on with his life?” Mao teared up talking to Kyo about Uta. “Babe, you’re not going to convince him no matter how hard you try. Uta has to do all of this on his own if he wants to live, which frankly after talking to Davina I’m not so sure he wants to.” Kyo explained his conversation with Davina, about the bathtub incident in Maastricht and at the beach. “Why does he want to die? That’s not going to accomplish anything! Doesn’t he understand that we all love him?” Mao whined. “I know he lost Teiji and it’s horrible… he shouldn’t want to die because of it!”

                “Do you remember when Tatsu wanted to die? Do you remember when Taka almost died because of Sakurai? There are a lot of reasons people want to die, not all of them valid, but Uta’s in the same spot as Tatsu and Taka…he can’t face life without Teiji and no one can convince him otherwise. We have to back off and leave Uta alone to make his own decisions and also be there when or if he needs us. Please baby, don’t be pushy with him, it could backfire in your face.” Kyo leaned over and kissed Mao. “I don’t like this! I hate it” Mao whined as Kyo pulled away. “I don’t like it either but it is what it is”

 

                Davina came out to the pond, sitting down next to Mao “What do you think of my beauties, Mao-kun?” She placed her hand on Mao’s shoulder, “Impressive fish, especially the old man.” Kyo took this opportunity to go and talk to Uta alone, leaving Mao to spend time with Davina. Walking into the kitchen, Uta was absent. “Where…?” Kyo remembered Davina telling him about the Gardenia room…Uta’s shrine to Teiji. He walked down the hall until he found the correct room. He knocked before entering, “Uta, can I come in please?” Kyo asked before stepping in. Uta nodded, “Sure.”

                Uta was lying on the bed, Teiji’s clothes surrounding him, he had a stuffed bear clutched in his arms. Kyo sat on the floor, he didn’t want to take any chances with Uta becoming angry over any supposed slight. “Uta, I’m so sorry you’re in this much pain, if I could…I’d suffer for you.” Uta had his eyes closed, not responding. “Mao has been devastated, crying all the time, depressed…he even flipped out at work one day.” This caught Uta’s attention, turning over and resting on his arm. Kyo took a chance, “Everyone is upset, even people you don’t know…industry people that know about Morrie.”

                Uta was shocked but didn’t interrupt Kyo. “The clubs all closed for a bit” Uta was puzzled, “Why would they close?” Kyo smiled, “Nobody felt like dancing or playing out scenes, everyone was on edge…things in the community have changed now. People are wary about who they have as a pet.” Uta laid back down. “I guess I understand that, but the industry people? Why would they care?” Now this shocked Kyo. “Uta, you’re connected to the industry by way of Taka and Koichi, myself and even through…” Kyo didn’t say the man’s name. “He’s here, just to let you know. He went to rehab in California and lived with Yoshiki in Los Angeles after he was released. He did say he would never approach you again although he’s worried about Davina.”

                Uta snorted, “He’s lying, he doesn’t know how to tell the truth. This is all because of him” Uta started to shake, tears flowing down his cheeks, “IT’S BECAUSE OF HIM THAT TEIJI IS DEAD! IT’S HIS FAULT…IF HE WOULD HAVE LET ME HAVE MY OWN FLAT…EVERYTHING WOULD BE FINE!! TEIJI WOULD STILL BE ALIVE! HE’S A FUCKING MONSTER KYO! FUCK SAKURAI I HOPE HE FUCKING DIES!”

Uta turned over, his back to Kyo and started to sob, “I fucking hate him…he killed my Teiji…he killed the only person that has ever loved me for me. He’s killing me now, I want to die, I want my Teiji back…tell him that” Uta rolled back over and stared at Kyo, “Tell Sakurai Atsushi that he’s killing me, just as he killed Teiji…tell him that Kyo. Please take Mao and go home.” Uta turned back over.  Kyo got up from the floor, “I’ll tell him Uta…I still love you. If you need me I’m here, just text me.” He kneeled on the side of the bed and kissed Uta’s head, then left the room.

Opening the door, Davina and Mao were leaning on the opposite wall, “We heard shouting… is he okay?” Mao watched Kyo’s face, “I have a message for Sakurai, I intend on delivering it myself. Davina, thank you for the lunch, call me if you need anything. Come on baby…we’re going home.” Without another word, the couple left the manor, leaving Davina to deal with a devastated Uta sobbing into his dead lover’s clothes.


	11. Chapter 11

 

                An early Sunday meeting at the HBG, had everyone a little less than enthusiastic. “I have the email about the next event, a DCR Christmas party in all it’s glory.” Taka didn’t look up to see who was moaning and griping. “Most of this will be new for Tomo and Leda, and an over view for the rest of you.” They were sitting on the patio, coffee cups in hand and bleary eyes unfocused at their boss. “I will keep this simple and quick, so those of you who are not opening can go home.” Taka hated having morning meetings as the standard, but people were wiped out by the end of the shift which made evening meetings even worse.

                “I’ll have Tomo and Leda working the counters, Kou will back them up Mao, Tora and Aki will be on the patio. I’m going to wait to decide if we’re going to switch people around, until I speak with Ruki and Die.” Aki sniggled, Tora smacking him. “I know the second Ruki see’s Tomo and Leda, he’s going to be in love with one or both of you, Die will get the left overs.”

                “TAKA!” Koichi snapped, “Don’t refer to them as leftovers! That’s fucking rude!” Taka tried to look guilty, epically failing as Tora and Aki were now giggling in the back row. “Left overs in the sense that Ruki will choose, then Die will take the other, I didn’t mean it in a bad way.” Tomo and Leda were looking at each other, a tiny bit of fear in their eyes. “Um…what does this mean, Ruki and Die?” Leda got the courage to ask.

                “Ruki is notorious for falling in love with whomever the newest member of the team is. He went after Tora, he went after Kanon…who else am I missing?” Koichi raised his hand, “Remember Ryo…Girugamesh Ryo? That lasted more than just the one event.” Taka had forgotten that, “Remember ‘drunk ass floozie?” Koichi nodded then laughed. Tomo and Leda where looking at the others. “It’s a long story that involved Ruki and a member from another band, drunken piggy-back ride and the term drunk assed floozie” Koichi explained. “Are you sure we should work here?” Tomo leaned over and asked Leda. “Hmm, let’s see how this party thing goes first…then maybe you and I should look somewhere else?” Tora leaned up between the two men, “Don’t think you’re getting out of working here that easy, boys…you’re stuck with us!”

                Taka went over the rest of the plans for the party, dismissing everyone just thirty minutes before the HBG opened for the day. “You really don’t think they’ll leave do you?” Aki asked Taka. “I think we’re scaring them, maybe you should talk to them?” Taka looked out at the two men who were opening with him that day, they were standing rather close together, talking. “Tomo, Leda can I see you in the office please?” Aki volunteered to watch the counters while the other two went to speak to Taka.

                “Are you guys bothered by what was said at the meeting? Are you scared to work here?” Taka was being serious. “I don’t think scared is the right word, Taka. Concerned, apprehensive maybe. The way you and the others described past events it sounds like a huge drunk fest with rowdy horny musicians chasing after innocent boys.” Tomo was first to express his side of the issue. “You know how I am Taka…what if some dominant comes up and tries to… I don’t know…talk to me or something?” Leda was from a smaller city in Osaka, this event sounded dangerous to him.

                Taka sighed, thinking back to the very first event he worked. “It can be a little rowdy…we all like to drink. Horny musicians really only applies to Ruki and Die, everyone else is rather laid back. Die is not dangerous, especially if you initially ignore him…he’s a big shy puppy and always has to have someone talk to whomever he’s interested in first. Ask Mao about Die…” Both of the men still looked worried. “Ruki is … he’s special in a lot of ways. If you are in a relationship with him, he’ll love you to the moon and back, but there is the problem of him being Gazette Ruki and everything that goes along with it. The other thing about that little man, is he is fiercely loyal. He’s attacked several different men that were more than twice his size, in defense of his friends.

                Taka told Tomo and Leda about Masa, Natsu and Sakurai, and the events that surrounded them. “He did some major damage to Masa, which that asshole deserved, he tried to kill Natsu because he was hurting Uta. Ruki loves hard and he loves long, he’s got the biggest heart in the industry next to Kyo.” Taka thought for a moment, “If you want to witness an interesting dynamic, watch Ruki and Kyo interact. I planned on both of you staying at the counters for this so you’re not subjected to anything Ruki or Die may throw at you. If after the event is over and you’re still uncomfortable, we can talk further about things.”   Taka sent them both back to work. “Why me?”

                “Why you what babe?” Sato had his head poking into the office door. “What the hell are you doing here in the middle of the day? Don’t you have rehearsal or something?” Sato’s appearance caught Taka totally by surprise. “We postponed it for later this afternoon, do you have time for a quick snack?” Sato held up a donut bag and jiggled it at his husband. “AKI! I’m going on a break!” Taka jumped from his chair and ran out the back door. “So why were you whining today? Problems with the new guys already?” Taka sighed and proceeded to tell Sato about Tomo and Leda’s concerns.

                “Those are sort of legit concerns, we overlook them because we know how Ruki and Die act…but to the new guys, it could be seen as a little intimidating.” Sato reached over and held Taka’s hand. “You’re a smart man…you’ll figure things out. Can I meet the new guys?”

                “Tomo, Leda…this is my husband Satochi…just call him Sato.” Taka was holding Sato’s hand. “Hey guys… ready for the DCR event? I can promise that it will be fun, so don’t worry. We’ve never had any deaths or dismemberments during a party…yet.” Taka knew his husband was trying to be funny, but the two men just nervously laughed. “I have to get going, I’ll be in the studio late, so don’t’ wait up for me.” Kissing Taka briefly, Sato waved and left the HBG. “He’s nice…you’re lucky Taka.” Tomo blushed as he confessed. “Yah, I am lucky…”

 

 

                “I need to see Sakurai…now.” Kyo was standing in front of Imai and Toll in the rehearsal studio. “He’s not here yet Kyo, would you like to wait for him?” Toll offered to get Kyo a cup of coffee, which he waved off. He sat and listened to Imai tune his guitar, Toll running through a drum riff. Next through the door was Hide and Yutaka, “Kyo? What do we owe this visit to?” Yutaka was certain he knew the answer. “I’m waiting for Sakurai, you might want to stick around.” Kyo snipped. Hide moved to sit next to the smaller man. “Will we need towels and bandages?” he deadpanned. “Perhaps, it depends on how he answers me.” Hide didn’t like this Kyo… this Kyo was dark and angry. Before Hide could say anything else, Sakurai Atsushi walked through the door, stopping dead when he saw Kyo sitting on the couch.

                “Kyo? Why are you here?” Sakurai tried to keep his voice even, not letting the smaller man judge his reaction. “I’m here to deliver a message…and a warning.” Sakurai shrugged, put his bag down then turned to face Kyo. “Deliver the message and the warning then leave, I have work to do.” Sakurai said arrogantly. “I was with Uta yesterday.” Kyo started with that announcement, watching Sakurai’s face start to tense. “Oh? How nice for you. What does that have to do with me?” _Stay calm, don’t let him know your stomach is flipping_.

                “Uta sent this message; He wants you to know that you’re physically killing him, he now wants to die…because you killed Teiji, he was almost successful but Davina found him in time. He wants his lover back, but since it is your fault that Teiji was murdered, now he wants to die so he can be with Teiji. His exact words were, ‘ _I fucking hate him…he killed my Teiji…he killed the only person that has ever loved me for me. He’s killing me now, I want to die, I want my Teiji back. Tell Sakurai Atsushi that he’s killing me, just as he killed Teiji’_.”

                With each word Sakurai Atsushi paled a little more, with emphasis on each word, Sakurai Atsushi’s heart broke a little more. “He calls you a monster, Sakurai. If you would have just let him have the flat, Teiji would still be alive, he blames Teiji’s death solely on you…and I have to agree with the boy. You are a monster Sakurai Atsushi, you’re a selfish insecure controlling manipulative man and I for one will never speak to or acknowledge you from this moment on. Have fun with your life Sakurai, remember that if Uta dies…his blood is on your hands.”  Kyo turned and walked away, slamming the door behind him.

                Sakurai was shaking violently, like a man pulled out of a frozen river, his hands were trembling so much he dropped his water bottle and fell to his knees. “Acchan!” Yutaka was there before the man hit the ground, catching Sakurai before he fell over. “Shit…Acchan! Hide, do something!” Hide was kneeling next to his fallen band mate, “Toll get a blanket or something, I think he’s going into shock! Imai, call for an ambulance!” “NO! NO AMBULANCE!” Sakurai shouted, “Leave me alone… just leave the room…NOW!” “Acchan… but you’re…” Sakurai shook his head and moaned, “Leave me…just go”

                The others looked at each other, “We’re leaving the room, but we’ll just be outside the door, I’m checking in on you in ten minutes.” Yutaka whispered to his friend. They left the room, Imai looking back at his fallen friend before closing the door. “I’m a monster…I killed Teiji…he’s right. It’s my fault…I’m killing him.” Sakurai had his face hidden in his hands, his fingers gripping his skull tightly, Kyo’s words ringing in his ears. If he would have just let the boy move into his own flat, none of this…NONE OF THIS! “Uta, my boy…how…please don’t die…I’ll do anything…don’t….” he whimpered.

                He laid on the floor for a good long time, he could hear the door opening assuming it was Yutaka looking in at him. He had nothing left…there would be no Uta back in his life, there would be nothing left for him. He lost Yoshiki to Hide, and now he had lost Uta to Teiji…he was once again competing with a dead man for another’s love. This time there would be no happy ending, there would be no magical reunion between lovers, there would be nothing more to his life with Uta…there was nothing left.

                Sakurai finally sat up, wiping his face with his sleeve…trying to stand on still shaking legs. He could feel Kyo’s eyes boring into his soul, the hatred and malice exuded from the smaller vocalist, he had lost Kyo as a peer and as a friend but he gained an enemy that would come hunting for him if Uta did die. “Shit…” he muttered to himself. The door opened a crack, “Can we come back in Acchan?” Yutaka asked softly. “Yes, please do…I’m not sure I can deal with this alone.” Yutaka rushed to his friend’s side, putting his arm around Sakurai. “Those were evil things that Kyo said, I’m sure Uta doesn’t really mean them…he’s just grief stricken right now…he’ll be okay.” Yutaka tried to promise that to Acchan, but the man just shrugged it off.

                “I’m sure Uta meant every word and in reality, he is correct.  It is my fault that Teiji is dead…I drove Uta away from me, he came close to dying yet again, I drove him further away and into Davina and Teiji’s arms. If I had only listened to the boy, if I hadn’t been so fucking controlling…that man would still be alive.” Sakurai knew it wasn’t so straight forward as his mind was claiming, but at the moment it was the only thing he had. “You need to call your therapist in California, Atsushi. You need to call him today…go home right now. I’m sure the doctor will not object to a call in the middle of the night, explain to him what just happened.” Imai had squatted down in front of Sakurai, placing his hand on his friend’s knee. “Call him Acchan” Sakurai got up slowly, picked up his bag and without another word he left the room.

 

                “Kyo…? What’s wrong…you’re scaring me” Mao was standing outside their bedroom, the door was locked and he knew Kyo was hiding. “Kyo…please let me in” Mao started shaking. Kyo unlocked the door, then walked away allowing Mao to enter the room. “What the hell is wrong? What happened today?” Mao hadn’t been home when Kyo left to confront Sakurai at their studio. Kyo was lying face down on their bed, unresponsive to Mao’s questions. Mao sat down on the side of the bed, slowly reaching out to his husband, stroking his hair. “Please…tell me what’s going on”, he pleaded.

                “I saw Sakurai today.” This didn’t really explain anything to Mao, “And?” Kyo hadn’t said anything on the way home from seeing Uta and Davina, he didn’t want Mao to worry about his best friend any more than he already was. Kyo finally turned over to look at his husband. “I had a message for him from Uta, I saw him and delivered the message.” Mao hesitated, should he ask what the message was? “Can you tell me what Uta said?” Kyo shook his head before Mao had finished speaking. “No, I can’t. Uta asked me not to.” This was a lie, but it was one that was meant to protect Mao’s already fragile state in relation to Uta.

                “Okay, then what happened at the studio when you saw Sakurai? Was it bad?” Mao knew better than to pry too much, Kyo would usually just shut down if he tried. “It was, but it needed to be said. The man’s a fucking monster, Uta hates him. That’s as much as I can say” Kyo rubbed his face roughly with his hands, sitting up he swung his legs over the side of the bed and placed his arm around Mao’s shoulders. “We just need to watch Uta, you know that already. Davina is still worried about him…she thinks he may try to harm himself.” Mao sighed deeply. “I wish I could convince him to at least start going out…even if it’s for lunch. He told me that if he wanted to spend the rest of his life at the manor and never leave, that was his choice and nothing I could say would make any difference at all.”

                “It’s only been a few months since Teiji… Uta still needs his space, he’s still grieving and so is Davina. You can be there for him, you can gently try to persuade him to maybe go to lunch or come here for dinner, but you must not push him…it will backfire in your face if you do.” Kyo kissed his husband softly. “He has us, eventually he will speak with the others, but until then we leave him alone.”

 

                Sakurai stumbled into the house dropping everything in the genkan…bracing himself on the walls as he weaved down the hallway, he stopped in front of the door. Turning the knob, he fell into the room, landing on his knees. He pulled himself onto the bed, grabbing the pillow he fell over, clutching it tightly to his chest. “Uta…what…how can I ever make this up to you… _I am_ a fucking monster” he whimpered into the pillow. Sakurai Atsushi had never felt this low in his life…to acknowledge that it was indeed his fault that another man was dead and the boy he loved saw him as a monster. He sobbed into the pillow for what felt like hours…mumbling to himself, going over what Kyo had told him and realizing it was true, all of it. He killed Teiji, as if he held the gun himself and if Uta died, his blood was on Sakurai’s hands, his heart and his soul. His sobbing slowed, his eyes grew heavy and without moving, Sakurai Atsushi slept.

 

                _He’s cold, the room is white and sterile it smells like disinfectant. There is a long metal table in front of him, a body under a sheet, he knows who it is, he wants to pull back the sheet to look upon the face of Teiji... his heart its pounding in his ears, his hand shaking as he reached for the sheet, his hand grasps the corner …he pulls it back…_

                “UTA!” Sakurai sat up quickly, his hand reaching out to the empty room, his breath ragged, his eyes muddied and swollen from crying. Sakurai wipes the sweat from his brow, running his hand through his hair…he was trembling. He laid back down on the bed, rubbing his face trying to clear the nightmare from his eyes. “I deserve everything that’s happening to me…everything” he muttered. After a few minutes, Sakurai decides to shower then to get out his phone and make that call. Sitting at his kitchen table, hair still wet and dripping, Sakurai had a cup of tea in front of him, as he dialed the phone.

                “ _Dr. Suzuki, Sakurai Atsushi. I need help_.”

                Hanging up the phone to the doctor, Sakurai went into the living room and sat down on his couch, his head full of questions with no true yes or no answer. Suzuki heard the fear in the man’s voice…the uncertainty of his future actions and how that would affect his life. Sakurai had offered a private jet to Dr. Suzuki up, delivering him straight to the musician’s door. “I need counseling for more than just one session Doctor, not to mention I’m not able to leave the country due to work with my band. The doctor declined the jet, “I’m going to call one of my associates that lives in Japan. His name is Yuya Maeta, and he works within the music industry and has dealt with Uta in the past, after his attack. You’d be much better off staying home than trying to do this over the phone. I will provide all your records and all the recordings of our sessions. He will be fully informed before he reaches out to you.”

                Sakurai agreed to speak with Maeta and he did recognize the name from the past, when Tatsu was in the hospital, he vaguely knew the doctor from other incidents in the industry. Before he hung up, Suzuki gave him a suggestion. “You should go stay with someone, one of your bandmates, a friend…do not stay alone in that large house of yours. Surround yourself with friends until Maeta contacts you.” Sakurai had not said anything, instead he got up and once again went into Uta’s room and collapsed on the bed, clutching Uta’s pillow and trying to breathe in the last remaining memories of his boy.

 

                “ _Sakurai Atsushi? Yes, of course I’ll help him…Uta? Oh god no, yes, I did hear about his lover’s death, it’s all over the industry and in the public. The connection? I was aware of a minimal connection but not at the level you’re telling me. No, not until I get the files and the recordings…yes straight to my email. I will let you know after our first session. You’re very welcome, Suzuki”_

 

                It was well past midnight when Sakurai woke…confused at first to where he was, then it all came flooding into his mind. Kyo. Uta. Teiji. Laying on his back with his arm thrown across his eyes, the nightmare that he had lived during the night. Sakurai could still see the dead body of Uta on the cold metal table in a morgue, but now there was another; Teiji…standing next to the table, tears pouring from his eyes, those eyes were filled with accusations and hate. “ _You killed the love of my life…just as you killed me. Uta and I were going to be married and now I’m in a small urn tucked away at the manor. Who’s next Sakurai Atsushi? Will you kill Davina? Will you go back and kill Taka?”_

                Hot tears burned his already swollen painful eyes, how there could be any tears remaining after the day he had, was beyond understanding. Getting off the bed, he left Uta’s room and went into his, moving to the bathroom to wash the grit out of his eyes. He changed into pajamas, stepping into his bunn…. he kicked them off before he could linger on the sight of the slippers on his feet. Walking down to the kitchen, Sakurai took out a bottle of vodka. “Just one….” Filling a shot glass, he quickly drank the burning liquid, coughing at the roughness on his throat.

                Sakurai put the glass in the sink and the bottle back in the cabinet, walking back down to his bedroom, he stopped at Uta’s room and retrieved the pillow. Walking to the bed he pulled the blanket back and slid under the covers, curling up on his side, the pillow clutched tightly to his chest, he was ready to fall into a senseless slumber.

 

                Sakurai Atsushi looked like hell… with very little restful sleep through out the night, he had been constantly plagued with various versions of the same nightmare. Rolling over he picked up his phone and checked the time, 8:13am. He noticed a missed call and a voicemail, “That’s going to have to wait a little while longer.” Sitting up and swinging his legs over the side of the bed, he raked his knotted hair through his hands, rubbed the snot out of his eyes from crying and walking into the bathroom to relive himself and have a hot shower.

                “ _Sakurai, this is Dr. Yuya Maeta. I’ve just received all of the files and recordings from Dr. Suzuki, I will try to call you later in the day to set up our first appointment. If you need anything please don’t hesitate to call me_.”

                “First appointment…great. I get to start from scratch, at least I’m in my own home.” Sakurai muttered as he moved around the kitchen making breakfast. He heard the door chime and sighed, “Now what?” Walking barefoot to the door, “Morning Acchan, I couldn’t help myself…you scared me to death yesterday!” Yutaka pushed past his friend. “Come on in, Yutaka” Sakurai closed the door.

                “Just you this morning? No Hide or Imai to yell at me?” Sakurai started to make some tea for his friend. “No, I told them to shut the fuck up” This answer surprised Sakurai. “Why? What did they want to say to me? That I deserve what I’m getting?” Yutaka sighed, “No, more like can we get you back into therapy before you destroy yourself.” Sakurai snorted, “I’ve already made that call, Suzuki has referred me to an associate of his, here in the city. Dr. Maeta will be calling me sometime in the next few days, Suzuki sent all of my files to him.” Yutaka was wearing a pensive smile, “I recognize the name, Dr. Maeta has been around the music industry for quite some time, he has helped Koichi and Shinya both after their attacks. I think he’s a good choice for you.”

                “What do I do, ‘taka? Everything Kyo said is true…if I hadn’t gone ballistic over a stupid flat, Teiji would be alive today.” Yutaka knew not to argue with the man, he had agreed to himself that he would let Atsushi wallow in self pity for the moment, not that he believed what he was saying to be true. “Do you need me to do anything for you, Acchan?” The man shook his head, “No…I’ll take today off only because I haven’t slept well, but I will be back in the studio tomorrow morning. We need to move forward with our schedule as planned.” Yutaka was happy that Atsushi had decided to not lock himself in his house, working would be good for him, “Okay, then I will get going, I will tell the others that we’ll be back in the studio tomorrow. Acchan, please just have something to eat and go back to bed, don’t try to do anything more than that today.”  With a hug and a kiss on the cheek, Yutaka went home, leaving Atsushi to walk down the hall to his bedroom…that was his intention at least, until he came to the door where he hesitated for a step. “No, don’t do it, it will make things worse than they already are.” He listened to himself and went into his bedroom and into his bed, hoping for no visitors while he slept.


	12. Chapter 12

“Dr. Maeta? Sakurai Atsushi” Sakurai bowed lightly. “Please, have a seat Sakurai-san.” Maeta waited for Sakurai to initiate the honorifics or lack of them. “Please, Atsushi is fine Doctor.” He was nervous, he hated meeting new people who knew more about him than he did of them, which was the case for Dr. Maeta, having read Sakurai’s entire file.

                “I’m just going to start, no need for us to get into any formalities. What event caused you to call Dr. Suzuki?” Maeta knew the answer, but in true therapist form, he needed the patient to express himself.

                “Kyo came to see me at the studio to deliver a message.” Sakurai assumed Maeta knew Kyo, most everyone knew the name at the very least.

                “What was the message?”

                “That Uta has correctly blamed me for Teiji’s death. That he’s trying to die, that I’m killing him myself. He hates me and thinks I’m a monster, which he is correct… I am a monster.” Sakurai lowered his eyes to his hands in his lap.

                “Why are you keeping Uta’s things in your home?” The sudden switch in direction caught Sakurai off guard.

                “What?”

                “Why do you still have Uta’s belongings in your home?” Maeta pushed.

                “I can’t part with any of it, I always have hope that he will come home to me” Sakurai was almost whispering.

                “You know now that he will not return, are you going to throw the remainder of his things out? Clean slate so to speak?”

                “No…I’ll keep the room as it is.” Sakurai’s tears were pushing to be released.

                “Atsushi, that’s not healthy behavior, there is no reason for you to keep the items, Uta will not be returning to you.” Maeta notes Sakurai’s delusional thought process.

                “Did you lie to Yoshiki when you told him you didn’t love Uta any longer?”

                “No…maybe…I don’t know” This confused Sakurai, going from Uta to Yoshiki in one minute.

                “Were you going to go back to him in California after your concerts?” Maeta guess the answer.

                “Yes, but that’s when he started screaming at me that I still love Uta! Then I threw…” Sakurai didn’t finish.

                “You threw what?”

                “I threw his relationship with Hide in his face, that he was acting the same when Hide came between us.” Sakurai’s tears started to slowly escape.

                “So Uta isn’t just some boy you like to fuck…am I right?” Maeta knew he had to use what Sakurai had told Suzuki verbatim.

                Sakurai gasped, his head snapped up, “What did you just say?” he snarled at Maeta.

                “You’re in love with Uta, you wouldn’t admit it to Suzuki, you told him that Uta was just some boy you liked to fuck, that’s not the case is it? You’re still in love with the young man, you’re already scheming on how to get him back in your life. Tell me I’m wrong.” Maeta leaned forward, staring intently at Sakurai.

                “No, that’s not true, you’re wrong. Uta hates me now, he hates me and says I’m killing him, just like I killed Teiji…he’s right you know. This is all my fault.” Sakurai slumped back into his chair. He didn’t have it in him to fight anymore.

                “I need to see you again at the end of the week. I’m giving you homework; I want you to list the positive and negative aspects of your relationships, Uta, Yoshiki or whomever. You also need to clean out and remove Uta’s things from that bedroom. You will never come to terms with any of your feelings with those things hidden in plain sight.”  Sakurai nodded to pacify the doctor but he had absolutely no intentions on throwing out any of Uta’s belongings. They made an appointment for later in the week and Sakurai left Maeta’s office, angry, sad and frustrated.    

 

                He walked into the genkan and toed off his shoes. Moving to the kitchen he grabbed a bottle of water and made his way down the hall…not to his room but to Uta’s. He was drained emotionally and physically and he needed a nap. He knew he would get no rest if he slept in his own room, the only place he felt even slightly at peace, was on Uta’s bed surrounded by Uta’s things. Today was a little different, he rummaged through the dresser that had held Uta’s clothing, hoping to find something that would carry a heavy scent of the boy. Finding a pajama top, he covered his face and breathed in deeply…yes, it still smelled like Uta. Crawling onto the bed, he wrapped the shirt in a small ball shape, clutching it tightly to his chest, breathing in his boy’s scent and closed his eyes.

 

                “Pleeeassseeeee!” Mao whined and pleaded with Uta. “Bring Davina with you, just please say you’ll come!” Mao had finally gotten Uta to come over for dinner with he and Kyo, now he was badgering his best friend to come to the DCR Christmas party. “Mao, stop it… leave Uta alone. If he doesn’t want to go to the party then he doesn’t want to go! Stop it.” Kyo warned. “Uta, if you want to go the party that’s great. Don’t let Mao guilt you into doing something you’re not ready for.” Kyo said softly.

                “You’re not helping!” Mao snapped at his husband. “I’m keeping him from walking out on you… just stop it Mao.” Kyo argued. Uta watched the two men go back and forth, arguing over him. “Both of you stop it, please. Mao…I’ll think about it, but I’d want to bring Davina with me” Turning to Kyo, “Do you thing DCR management would have a problem with that?” Kyo smirked, “Nope, too bad if they do…I’ll have you there as MY guests, DCR doesn’t have a choice. I may invite Madame F and Isshi as well.” Kyo truly hoped that Uta and Davina would agree to go, Uta was making progress and the party would be a good opportunity for him to come back into living a normal life.

                “How do you want to deal with the announcement that you’re home? You can’t just show up at the party and yell ‘surprise!’, we should give everyone a heads up.” Kyo didn’t want to push Uta on this, but it would make things simpler if everyone knew in advance. “It’s fine if everyone knows, I’m not worried about that anymore. And you’re right, I don’t want to make a scene when we walk in.” Kyo breathed a little easier at that point, he would contact Shinya and Kai so they could pre-warn everyone. “I’ll tell everyone tomorrow at the meeting, that way I don’t have to make a bunch of phone calls.” Mao couldn’t wait to share the news, he was so excited he was squirming in his chair.

Davina had hinted that she wanted to go to the Fetish Club to see her friends but didn’t want to go unattended, Madame F had offered Ormond’s services and Isshi had also offered Ruimaru to attend to her. Both Davina and Uta were trying to return to a normal life and were succeeding for the most part, both having bad and good days. Today had been a good day for Uta, leaving the manor to have dinner with Mao and Kyo, gossiping about the two new crew members at the HBG, especially how Taka hired Leda.

                “Leda is soo submissive, he always looks down when he’s talking to you. Tomo is okay, a bit quiet but he’s super nice.” Mao and Uta were sitting on the couch while Kyo was making dinner. “Aki and Tora are the same, loud and obnoxious mostly, Leda seems to like Aki the most which is weird.” Uta giggled, “Not if you think about how quiet Aki was before he met Tora.” Kyo had his back to the two men, listening in as he cooked, a smile on his lips. It felt good to hear Uta’s laugh and giggles once again, Davina had told Kyo that Uta was starting to live, that she no longer feared him trying to kill himself.

                 “How’s Davina?” Kyo asked from the kitchen, “She’s doing well I guess. I think she misses her friends from the club although Madame F and Ormond are always coming by for visits.” Uta replied. “I guess I understand about missing her friends but I think it’s going to be too difficult to go to the clubs…the memories and all that.” Uta didn’t say that he was worried that she would run into Sakurai, the single reason he would not attend her.

                Kyo didn’t want to ask the obvious, if Davina had considered taking on a new pet, figuring the woman would be gun shy and not want to let anyone into her heart. “I’m sure she’ll go eventually…probably with Ormond or Ruimaru attending her.” Mao sat up, “Ruimaru? Who’s that?” Uta explained the situation, mentioning that Ruimaru was recruited at the same time as Setsuna, which caused Mao to turn red in embarrassment. “It’s oaky Mao, Ruimaru is sweet and super cute, he’s totally devoted to Isshi-san.”

                As they sat together at the table eating dinner, the conversation consisted of gossip, tour dates, band members and their antics… anything other than Teiji. “Ruki’s been asking about you, Uta.” Mao wouldn’t make eye contact with his friend. “It’s the first thing he asks when he see’s me. There are a lot of others as well, Shinya, Kai…everyone basically wants to know how you are.” Hearing this, Uta’s heart skipped a beat, “But they don’t really know me… well Kai, Shinya and Ruki do, but the others?”

                “Everyone knows who you are Uta, from the attack…to Sakurai’s idiotic behavior, they all know what happened with Teiji. There are those that belong to both communities, didn’t you know that?” Kyo covered Uta’s hand with is. “Hyde and Kaz…those are the two most obvious of them all. There are those at the clubs that know who you are, what happened. The clubs how have a more cautious aura, people aren’t as carefree as they were before.” This gave Uta an insight to just how many people were affected by Teiji’s murder…not just he and Davina. The people around both of them, people that they didn’t know, the industry people that Davina didn’t know…all of them were affected by the tragedy.

                As Kyo and Mao were telling him this, Uta decided that he was going to talk to Davina when he got home, he now felt that he owed the people that worried about him, something tangible that they could feel, hear or see. Mao noticed that Uta was distracted, “What’s going through that pretty head of yours, Uta?” The man smiled, “You’ll see. I need to talk to a few people before I say anything.” Mao sat back in his chair with a huff. “It better not be something crazy, I don’t need anymore crazy in my life and neither do you!”

 

                “Acchan are you sure this is the best way to do this? Why will you not take Doctor Maeta’s advice and just get rid of Uta’s things? I can call Davina and have the things picked up.” Yutaka was questioning Sakurai’s choice on how to deal with his issue and Uta’s room. Yutaka, Hide and Sakurai were in the kitchen, listening to the noises coming from the hallway. “This is how I want to deal with the problem, once he’s done, you’ll get the key…the only key.” Sakurai had spent the night in Uta’s room, the last night he would spend there, he decided that he would just lock the bedroom up.

                “Sir? I’m done, would you like to check the work?” The locksmith came into the kitchen. “Yes, thank you.” Sakurai followed the man back to the bedroom door, a newly installed double deadbolt on the door. “The same key will unlock both bolts, but there’s no way anyone is going to get into that room, unless they take a sledge hammer and a chain saw to the door itself” explained the locksmith as he handed the key to Sakurai.  “Thank you very much for your work, please show yourself out.” The locksmith bowed and picked up his toolbox and left the house.

                “Acchan…really?” Hide sighed and shook his head. “Yes, Hide…really. Now if you’ll excuse me for a moment, I will meet you in the kitchen.” Sakurai stepped into the room and closed the door. “This is it my love…I will be alone now, there will be no new lovers in my bed, no new boys to love, only you.” Sakurai laid on the bed face down, breathing in the last lingering scent of Uta, breathing it in deeply and committing it to memory. After a good ten minutes, the man got up off the bed, took one last look around and left the room, locking both deadbolts.

                Returning to the kitchen, he sat down at the table and slid the key across to Yutaka. “No matter what I say, how much I beg…do not return this key to me. The only way I will ever go back into that room is if Uta comes back to me and we know that’s not happening. I will leave a clause in my personal estate planning on what to do with the room once I am dead.” At the word dead Yutaka gasped, “Dead? Why the HELL are you talking about that now? Are you planning to die before any of us?” Hide reached over to caress his lover’s arm, patting it. “No, I don’t plan on it, but then Teiji didn’t plan on it either, did he?” Sakurai snapped. “Just do as I say Yutaka…if you can’t agree to this I’ll ask someone else.”  Yutaka backed down, not liking the Atsushi he saw sitting before him. “Fine”

 

                Uta sat at Davina’s feet as she lay on her fainting couch, “If Kyo can get the management to agree, then yes, I will go to the DCR party with you. I wonder if we could get Madame F and Isshi to attend. I’d feel much better with more of us around you.” Uta had explained to Davina what Mao and Kyo had said about the commonality of the two communities. “I’ve known Hyde almost as long as I’ve known Kyo… he and Kaz are a cute couple, a bit unorthodox in their relationship as they do work together.” Uta giggled, “Unorthodox? Davina… you do realize that you’re making a joke on top of a joke” Davina sat up and reached over, smacking Uta in the back of the head. “Hey!”

                “Silly boy…you said you wanted to talk to me about something else?” Davina was curious, Uta had come home in a better mood than she had seen him in since before… “I want to discuss something with you, but we need to use the front parlor, this is a business venture.” Davina raised an eyebrow, “Business venture?” Uta nodded. “Alright, I’ll meet you there in a moment.” Uta got up and kissed Davina on the cheek.

                Uta was sitting in front of the large desk when Davina entered the parlor, wearing her glasses and carrying her leather binder. “I’ve asked Nagaharu in to witness, even though it’s just between us” As she spoke his name, the man appeared. “What are you proposing, Uta?” The young man closed his eyes for a moment, taking a deep breath he stared, “First, I know you’ve been thinking about selling the flats…I’m going to ask you not to do that right now.” Davina’s interest was piqued, “Go on…” Uta leaned forward from his chair. “I want to do something in Teiji’s name, I heard some things that got me thinking.”

                “What did you hear and from whom?” Davina was ready to deny or explain anything Uta had to say. “When I was with Kyo and Mao, they both explained that there are a lot of people who care what happens to both of us from both the communities. I don’t know who these people are for the most part, you know some, more than I do.” Davina nodded, “Continue”

                Uta’s mind was running quickly, the ideas had started to flood his brain while he was still at Kyo and Mao’s home.  “My plan has several steps that I think we need to go over, coordinate between us until the plan is 100% confirmed, then we find someone that can help us execute the plans. I want to use the flats as a sort of half-way house for young people that are struggling with living on the streets or in dumpy flats…like I was. I want the flats to be affordable housing for young kids to help them get back on their feet. I want to call it something like Teiji’s House. What do you think?” There was an eagerness in Uta’s eyes that Davina hadn’t seen in a long time.

                Uta heard Nagaharu shifting behind him, but he kept his eyes on Davina. The woman didn’t say anything at first, then removed her glasses. “I think it’s the most brilliant and lovely idea I’ve ever heard of! Teiji would be so proud of you!” Now the woman started to cry…covering her eyes with her hands. “Davina…don’t cry!” Uta jumped up and came around the desk, sitting on Davina’s lap and pulling her head into his chest.

                “Please Mistress, don’t cry…you’ll make me cry too!” Uta sniffed. “I’m sorry, but Uta this is such a wonderful idea, the perfect way to honor Teiji…he would be so pleased. Yes…I think we should move forward with this idea. It keeps Teiji’s memory alive and helps young people, like he helped you…and me as well.” Davina raised her hand to stroke Uta’s cheek, the boy bending down for a kiss…not a lover’s kiss, but more than a friend…both knowing that neither of them could replace Teiji in their hearts. As Nagaharu watched the couple, he couldn’t help but smile, a tiny tear escaping the corner of his eye. “Teiji my friend, you’d be so proud of both of them, they love you and want to show the world how special you were… you are” as he turned and walked from the room.

               

                “Wait…how long has he been home?” Taka’s mouth was the only one working, as everyone else’s were hanging open due to Mao giving them the news of Uta’s return. “A few weeks but listen guys…he’s still super fragile. The first day I saw him he told me he wanted to die, to be with Teiji. Davina said there’s been two separate times that he’s tried to drown himself.” They all sat on the patio, processing the information Mao had just given them. “How is Davina?” Taka asked softly. “She’s a little better than Uta, they both have good and bad days. They’ve turned one of bedrooms into kind of a shrine and when Uta is having a melt-down, he goes into the room and sleeps on a bed that’s covered in Teiji’s clothes.”

                Aki groaned, “Uta…” he whispered to himself, Tora putting his arm around Aki’s shoulders. Leda and Tomo didn’t say anything, they sat quietly watching their co-workers deal with the news. “Is he coming back to work?” Koichi asked hopefully. “I’m going to say no but he could change his mind. He has agreed to come to the DCR party, only he’s coming with Davina.” Tora’s face brightened a little. “That’s something then…at least he’s going to come and see us!”

                “He asked if Madame F and Isshi-san could attend as well, with their pets. I believe Uta just wants to be surrounded while he’s at the party, the others would act as sort of a buffer from everyone, he just doesn’t want to be swarmed.” Everyone had an opinion, and everyone voiced it. “Do we want to tell anyone else that he’s home? Should we tell Tatsu and Sato?” Mao nodded, “Uta only wanted me to tell you guys at first, and no one else, but after thinking about it, he thought it may cause more of a distraction if he and Davina were just to walk in, so he agreed to letting us tell the guys. Uta’s still worried about Sakurai, even though he gave Kyo a message from him. Don’t ask…Kyo wouldn’t tell me what the message was, but I’m assuming it was something a long the line of ‘fuck off and die’.”

                “Okay then, now that we know that Uta will be at the party, we’re going to need to make some plans.” Taka stood up. “Since Koichi and I will be on the patio, we will be watching Uta and whomever he’s with. Aki, Tora…you guys are going to have to act as a buffer along with Davina and whomever she brings with her. I know Kyo will as well. Mao, I want you working somewhere between the patio and the counters, stop any sort of nasty gossip you may hear. I don’t want Uta upset at all. Tomo and Leda, you’ll get your breaks from Tora and Aki, just watch yourself around Ruki and Die, although I think Ruki will want to be near Uta.”

                They went through the shift duties for the party, making sure that the timing of breaks and anything else would already be in place. They knew they had a lot of prep work to do ahead of time, so Taka turned everyone loose. “I need you all back here at 6pm tomorrow night. Let’s make sure that Uta and Davina enjoy themselves, I want no rampages, I want no Sakurai problems, I want no drunken Die hitting on anyone. Once everyone is here, I’m going to tell Yukke and Miya to talk to Kai and Shinya, have them keep their boys under control.” With nothing more, the meeting broke up and they all went their separate ways.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm on the way home from Japan, I should have a new chapter up by the end of the week...and a possible new fic to post. Thanks to all for being patient.

 

                “Are you nervous?” Tomo and Leda were standing at the front counters, waiting for Taka to open. “A little, I mean shit…these are like famous people!” Leda wasn’t sure how he would be able to look any of the customers in the eye, let alone take a drink order. “Koichi and Mao said they would be helping for the first hour, maybe you can do the drinks, that way you won’t have to talk to anyone.” Tomo had come to like Leda rather quickly, he himself was a bit on the quiet side, a little shy and not very brave, so he found a kindred soul in Leda.

                “I’m opening the covers guys… let’s try to have fun with this!” Taka announced from the front of the building. The line was long and the drinks poured fast, Koichi and Mao manning the registers while Tomo and Leda made the drinks. Familiar faces started to show up, Mao teasing Kai about wanting three drinks “One is for me, the other two are for Yukke!” Koichi sneaking a kiss from Tatsu over the counter “No smooching on the job Koichi!” Mao smacked his friend in the shoulder. “Um, sorry but you kissed Kyo…so I’m allowed to kiss Tatsu.” That argument went back and forth until Die and Toshiya came to the window.

                “Hey Die…Hi Toshiya, how many drinks tonight?” Mao liked Die, even after all the failed attempts by Die to date the young man. “Just one apiece for the both of us.” Die answered, then he glanced over Mao’s shoulder. “New guys?” Die tipped his chin towards Tomo and Leda. “Yep, only a few weeks, this is their first event…play nice Die please?” Mao whined. “I’ll play nice, I promise. I haven’t asked you out yet, have I?” Toshiya smacked Die in the back of the head “He’s married, you dumb ass…you want Kyo to kick your ass for flirting with his husband? Oh my god, you have a death wish.”

                Mao waved them away as Miya and Sato walked up. “Hi guys, the usual?” he asked. “Yep, going to start slow tonight!” Sato laughed, “Don’t want Taka to have to hold my hair when we get home.” Koichi laughed, “You never get that drunk Sato…don’t start now!” The general good natured banter went on until the line started to die down. “You think you guys can handle the counters now? We really need to get onto the patio” Tomo waved Mao and Koichi off, “We’ll be fine, go ahead.”

                “Is Uta really coming tonight?” Shinya asked Kyo. “From what I understand, yes, he is, with Davina, Madame F and another dominant…Isshi, they will be bringing their pets as well.” Taka had shoved two tables together, wanting to have enough people with them to act as a buffer for Uta and Davina. He was hoping there would be no scenes, he couldn’t think of anyone that would start one, unless Sakurai showed up.

                Everyone was clock watching, waiting for the moment Uta and Davina would arrive. Mao was shifting uneasily in his chair, watching the front entrance of the patio, Kyo whispering in his ear to calm down. Everyone was relaxed, conversations stippled with laugher, but the tone of the party changed; Madame F and Ormond walked into the entrance. Madame F glanced around, looking to see who had already arrived, Kyo walking up to her. “Madame F, Ormond.” Kyo bowed lightly.

                “Davina is right behind us, as is Isshi. Where do you have us sitting Kyo?” Madame F had already spoken to Kyo earlier in the day, making several requests, one being the joining of two tables against the wall, a spot where Uta and Davina could easily be defended if necessary. Kyo offered his arm to the woman and led them both to the table, “I’ll be right back, please make yourself comfortable. Mao could you get Madame F a drink please?” Mao nodded, he was always surprised with the change in attitude of his husband when he was around the dominant woman, but he was proud that Kyo wouldn’t betray his friends from the other community, by not acknowledging them.  The collective murmur (a positive one) moved through the crowd quickly, everyone craning their necks to see who had entered… was it Uta?

                Kyo came back into the patio area, Davina on his arm and Uta at his side, clinging to the smaller man’s arm. The voices rose, someone shouted out ‘welcome home Uta’, the boy blushing and hiding his face in Kyo’s shoulder. “I’m right behind you Uta-kun, don’t worry.” Ruimaru whispered into Uta’s ear, placing a comforting hand on the young man’s shoulder.

                Before anyone could react, a very recognizable voice shouted “UTA-KUN!!” Ruki came barreling through the crowd and launched himself at Uta, taking them both the ground. “UTA…UTA!!!” Ruki sobbed. “I’m so glad your home I love you and I missed you and you can never leave again because then I would hate you but then I could never hate you OHH UTA!” Ruki’s rambling tirade ended with the man sobbing into Uta’s neck, while Kyo was trying to pry Ruki off of the boy.

                “RUKI! You twit! Let him get up! KAI HELP ME!” Kyo was shouting, people were laughing, and Kai and Aoi came over to help pull Ruki off Uta. “RUKI!” Kai shouted at his vocalist. “Ru…  come on…let Uta stand up for fucks sake!” Aoi grunted as he grabbed the smaller man by the waist, hoisting him up.  The trio battled for a few more seconds before Ruki decided to let go of Uta, wiping his eyes on his sleeve. “Uta are you okay? He didn’t hurt you, did he?” Kai asked helping Uta up as Aoi held a struggling Ruki.

                “No, I’m fine I think.” As he got up and rubbed his ass. “Uta…welcome home.” Kai hugged the man quickly before taking Ruki by the collar and leading him back to their table. “Glad you’re home Uta” Aoi said as he waved and walked away. “Uta, my love, are you sure you’re uninjured?” Davina had sat through the incident, unfazed by Ruki’s outburst, she had actually expected much worse from the small vocalist. “I’m fine, Ruki’s just … well Ruki. I was expecting something like that from him.”

                Isshi and Ruimaru watched the Ruki Rampage from afar, Ruimaru giggling hysterically at the fact that ‘Gazette Ruki’ just threw himself on someone. “So much for being a big-headed celebrity.” Isshi was amused as he watched Uta and Ruki together. “Let’s get a drink my angel”. He took Ruimaru’s hand, leading him to the front of the building. Walking up to the counters, Isshi stopped, his breath catching in his throat. “Hi, what can I get you tonight, Sir?” Leda stumbled over his words, “I’d like two high balls please, boy.”

                Isshi threw this sentence at Leda, watching for a reaction. His gut was roiling, this was him. “Sir? He’s pretty isn’t he?” Ruimaru stood on his tip toes and whispered to Isshi. The dominant smiled, “Yes he is, my angel.” Leda slid the drinks to Isshi, then looked down at the ground. “Thank you, Sir” the boy emphasized the word ‘Sir’, Isshi knew then for certain. Isshi handed Ruimaru a drink, picking up the boy’s hand again. “Sir, he’s really cute…can we maybe get to know him a little better?” Ruimaru said eagerly. “Patience my angel, we have only just seen the boy. Let me ask some questions first, then we’ll see about having a new playmate.”

                Returning to the table to sit near Davina, Ruimaru chose to sit next to Uta. “This is fun! So many famous people…do you know all of them Uta-kun?” the submissive boy asked. “Not all of them personally, but a few. How is life with Isshi-san…are you happy Ruimaru?” Uta knew the answer but wanted to deflect the questions away from him. “Oh god yes! Sir is perfect in every way, he knows just how to correct me and he rewards me often.” A nice rosy blush crept into Ruimaru’s cheeks. Uta leaned over and kissed the younger man on the cheek softly. “I’m happy for you…truly happy.” Looking into Uta’s eyes, Ruimaru could see the infinite sadness that would remain in his friend’s eyes, and his soul wept for Uta. Reaching over he picked up Uta’s hand and held it tightly in his, rubbing his thumb over the man’s fingers, occasionally squeezing it.

                “Are you okay Leda, you look a little pale, did someone say something to you?” Taka was checking in on the boys, getting ready for them to take their first break. “The man…the dominant with the beautiful boy, who is he?” Leda asked. “That is Isshi-san and Ruimaru, they are friends and associates of Davina and Madame F, why do you ask?” Taka was certain that Leda had caught Isshi’s eye. “He ordered a drink from me, he called me ‘boy’, I almost couldn’t speak after that.”

                “From what I’ve been told, Isshi-san is very loving to his pets, he is not a strict dominant in the sense of duties, but he is not to be disobeyed. Ruimaru is his first pet in quite some time, his previous pet burned him badly. Davina hand picked Ruimaru for Isshi-san.” Leda was blushing furiously while Taka explained Isshi’s relationship with Ruimaru. “Are you interested in him as a dominant, Leda? If you are I can present you properly”. Leda’s head snapped up, “No! Not…not yet. I um…” Taka reached over and patted the boy on the shoulder, “It’s fine, just let me know if you change your mind.”

 

                Taka returned to the patio area, only to see a large group of people surrounding the table where Davina and Uta were sitting. “Crap…” he groaned as he walked over, ready to tell everyone to leave, but what he was faced with surprised him. Die was kneeling next to Uta…behind the table and talking to the boy, occasionally looking up and gesturing to the others, Taka moved forward to listen.

                “…we want our Uta back. We want you whole again…I know it’s going to suck like shit for a long time, we’re all hurting because you’re hurting…you too Davina. I didn’t know Teddy…but what I’ve heard about the man…we could have gone drinking together and had a lot of fun.” Several people snickered and others groaned, Uta just giggled.  “Kyo knows you the best…he’s been a fucker since that day…let me tell you, he’s been going between wanting to curl up in a ball and cry, to hitting things.” Die rubbed his shoulder as in protest. Die then looked over at Mao.

                “Mao… sorry dude, but you’ve been a real bitch…but I totally understand why. It’s hard to see your best friend suffer…it sucks so much ass that I don’t blame you for it, we’ve all been hurting.” Die was starting to tear up, “But…I don’t even really know most of you…” Uta said as he looked up at everyone that had crowded around the table. “I don’t understand…none of you knew Teiji… uh Teddy, why do you…” Before he could finish, Toshiya, who had snuck up behind Uta, placed his hand over Uta’s mouth. “Uta-kun that doesn’t matter. If you loved him…we all know he loved you and Davina beyond the moon…and you’re hurting due to all this…we’re hurting, it doesn’t matter if we’ve met you or Teddy or Davina…you’re part of our twisted community, we’re all linked”

                “I guess what I’m saying is… we have your back…in everything.” A murmur of acknowledgement and words of encouragement were heard. After Die stood up, he cupped Uta’s face in his hands, gently kissing the boy on the forehead, then moving to Davina, he wiggled his eyebrows that earned him a light slap and a sexy kiss from the Mistress. “Are you sure I can’t tempt you to come home with us Daisuke” A few wolf whistles and gasps rose from the crowd. “We can talk about that later Davina.” Die whispered.

                The party shifted into a more cheerful mood, with people stopping by to introduce themselves to Uta and Davina, offering support and compassion, making sure that the couple knew how to reach them in case they needed anything. Uta leaned over at one point to whisper in Davina’s ear, “This will be nice when I’m calling for donations for the new project!” Davina threw her head back and laughed, Madame F and Isshi gaping at her. “Davina my dear… are you well?” Madame F asked. “Oh, my darling Uta just made my heart burst is all.” She caressed Uta’s cheek and kissed him softly. “I do love you, Uta”.

               

                Koichi was getting ready to go and give Leda his break when Isshi stopped him, “Koichi-kun, could you please have that beautiful submissive boy come to speak to me?” Koichi smiled, “Yes, Isshi-san.” Koichi winked and bowed. “This is perfect!” he whispered. “Leda, I’m here for your break, and I have a request.” Leda turned and walked to where Koichi was standing just inside the office. “The gentleman you served earlier, his name is Isshi-san, he would like to speak with you.” Leda turned bright red, “He…he wants to speak with me? What about?” Koichi shrugged, “It’s not my place to question a dominant, it will be fine.” Koichi turned and walked to the counter to help a guest.

                “Shit…” Leda mumbled to himself.  He walked around towards the front of the building, scanning the patio area for Isshi and Ruimaru. He caught a flash of yellow hair, and a giggle when he made eye contact with Ruimaru. “Over here!” The young man waved and called out. “Patience my angel” Isshi reprimanded, Ruimaru calming instantly.

                “You wanted to speak with me, Sir?” Leda had his eyes cast down.

                “What is your name boy?” Isshi was conducting an interview, to gage Leda’s reactions to questions.

                “Leda, Sir”

                “Do you have a dominant, boy?” Isshi didn’t use Leda’s name…not quite yet.

                Leda shook his head, “No Sir, I just moved here from Osaka”

                Ruimaru was giggling, he wanted oh so badly to kiss Leda.

                “Boy, do you want a dominant, to be contracted?” This was the last step.

                “Yes Sir.” His insides were jelly, his knees shaking and he was sure that Isshi could see his fear.

                “Male or female, Leda-kun?” There, that set the tone.

                “Whomever will have me, Sir” Is he asking me? Leda couldn’t believe he would be this lucky, after what everyone had told him about Isshi-san.

                Ruimaru whispers something to Isshi, who smiled and nodded.

                “Leda-kun, this is not the appropriate environment to conduct a thorough interview, here is my card. If you are interested in speaking with me further, please call.”

                “Come on, I’ll walk you back, Leda-kun” Ruimaru jumped up and grabbed Leda by the hand, leading him towards the back door of the HBG. “Leda-kun, Isshi-san is a wonderful man, he is never violent…he treats you with respect and love.” Leda looked up at Ruimaru, “Is he a good master then? Will he want to keep me for himself?”  Ruimaru shrugged, “I’m not sure, we do have a dear friend who lost her personal pet and was Uta’s lover…I’m sure you know what I’m talking about” Leda nodded, Taka had told him before he was hired to work at the HBG.

                Ruimaru edged closer to Leda, “Leda-kun… can I kiss you please? You’re unbelievably sexy, we could have so much fun together, you and I with Isshi-san.” Leda was confused, he nodded his head as Ruimaru moved into Leda’s body, holding the taller boy around the waist, licking his lips before moving into the kiss. He moaned at the taste, slid his hand down a little lower to gently squeeze Leda’s ass as the boy gasped. The kiss was a tease…a little hint of what Leda could expect if he chose to come to Isshi-san. The kiss only lasted a few seconds but it was long enough for Leda to whine when Ruimaru pulled away. “Oh, you’re soo delicious! I hope you want to come to our house, Isshi would love to play with you…and I want you too.” Ruimaru leaned up for another quick but seriously hot kiss, then smiled and walked back to the table, leaving Leda light headed.

                “My angel’s heart has been captured by another?” Isshi teased Ruimaru as kissed his angel, wanting a taste of the other boy. “Never…my heart belongs only to you, but he is very cute, he tastes soo good, and I snuck a squeeze of his ass…it’s so tiny! Can we play with him please Sir?” Isshi chuckled, “My angel wants a boy toy? We will see”  

                Isshi wasn’t the only one to see Leda, Madame F watched the exchange between the boy and Isshi. Glancing at Davina, she saw that the woman still only had eyes for Uta, but that would change in the coming months. Uta could not be her all, he could not replace or fill the void in her heart that Teiji had left. No, that would take a different type of submissive.

                Davina had watched Ormond that night, knowing the man desperately wanted to speak with her. “Madame F, may I take a minute of Ormond’s time please?” Davina needed to let the man speak to her. “Yes my dear,” Madame F raised a finger and Ormond moved next to Davina. “Come with me Ormond” The tall man followed Davina to a quiet spot near the tower. He bowed deeply, his eyes on the ground.

                “Ormond, look at me.” The man did as he was told. “Speak freely to me, Ormond. Ask me or tell me anything you’d like.” Ormond looked at Davina for several long seconds before he spoke. “I…I want to be with you Mistress, I want to fill the void that Teddy has left…but I can’t leave my Mistress, she is my world. I don’t know what to do Ma’am…I love you as Teiji’s Mistress, I love Uta as Teiji’s boy…how do I resolve these feelings Davina…tell me what to do!”

                Normally Davina would have reprimanded Ormond for using her first name, but this situation didn’t call for that. She stepped up to the man, “I can’t tell you what to do, Ormond. You can’t fill the void, you must not love me as you love your own Mistress. Teiji would not want you leaving Madame F for me…you know that as truth. Do not worry about us too much, we are healing slowly and I’d rather have you be there for me when I call and not leave Madame F alone.” Davina kissed Ormond, then taking his arm they walked back to the tables.

                “Ruki… what did I say about that?” Kai growled at his vocalist. “I’m behaving Kai, I haven’t chased anyone tonight, doesn’t mean I can’t look does it?” Kai humpfed and turned back to speaking to Uruha about an upcoming event. Ruki excused himself from the table and went in search of Taka…quietly. He knocked on the back door of the HBG, “May I speak to Taka please?” Leda had answered the door. “Um, yes…wait here please.”  Leda was shaking…it was Ruki… Gazette Ruki.

                “Hey Ruki, what’s up?” Taka thought it odd that the man would approach him at the back door. “Could you tell me the boy’s name… the one with the dark blonde hair.” Taka turned and stifled a giggle. “That would be Tomo, why do you ask?” He knew why Ruki was asking, it was just so different from the man’s usually approach. “Would you tell him that I’d like to speak with him on his next break please?” Ruki smiled and walked away from the door. “Who the hell was that?” Taka laughed, as he walked up to the front. “Tomo, Ruki would like to speak to you when you go on your break…which is now. I’ll cover for you.”

                Tomo froze...shit! He’s going to grab my ass! “Uh, okay…can you come with me?” Tomo’s voice quivered. “Ruki’s is behaving tonight and he’s sitting with Kai, it will be fine.” Taka shoved the man out the back door. Tomo took a deep breath and walked out to the patio, looking for the Gazette table. Ruki stood up and waved, Tomo walking like he was being sent to death.

                “Hi, I’m Ruki…” Ruki bowed, “Um, hi…Tomo” The boy was terrified. “Can you sit with us for a moment, I’d like to talk to you.” Kai, Aoi, Reita and Uruha were watching Ruki carefully, “So, I’m sure you’ve been told wild stories about me and my um…well let’s leave it at that.” Tomo just nodded. “What I would like to do is ask you for your phone number and give you mine. Maybe we could go for coffee sometime?”

                The other members of the Gazette’s mouths were hanging open, this wasn’t Ruki. “Um, sure…I’d like that.” Tomo and Ruki exchanged phone numbers, Ruki gave the boy a quick hug, a kiss on the cheek and sat back down, watching as the boy went back to work.

                “WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU AND WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH RUKI!” Aoi screamed at his vocalist. Everyone at the party turned and looked at the table. “Aoi, sshh, don’t be so rude.” Ruki scolded his bandmate. Uruha stood up and moved to stand in front of Ruki, grabbing the man by the shoulders, shaking him violently “WHAT. DID. YOU. DO. TO. RUKI!” Kai was laughing so hard, he almost fell over out of his chair, “Uru…really? You guys act like this is something new.” “IT IS NEW!” All three of them shouted at once. Ruki started to pout, “Gee, thanks guys for your support.”

 

                The party was winding down, considered a success by all, no violence, no Rampage and a lot of love and support for Uta, with several people stopping at the table to say good-bye and remind Uta and Davina to contact them if they needed anything. Isshi and Ruimaru made their way out, but not before stopping to speak with Leda once again. “I would enjoy speaking to you more Leda-kun…my angel is quite taken with you, you tasted divine on his lips…please consider calling me.”  Leda gulped and nodded.

                Davina and Uta were exhausted, glad to be riding home with Madame F and Ormond. “This was a rather nice evening, Davina. I’m glad we decided to accompany you and Uta. These people are very fresh and quite exciting.” Davina chuckled, she knew just how exciting the music community could be.

 

                Isshi rolled off of Ruimaru…leaving the boy whining. “My dear angel, you must give me time to recover, you naughty boy.” Isshi was panting, wiping the sweat off of his face, Ruimaru getting up quickly and going for a warm wet cloth to clean up the sexy mess they’ve just made. “Sir…” Ruimaru was wiping his tummy off, then carefully stroking the stickiness from Isshi’s cock. “Hmm?” Isshi enjoyed Ruimaru’s ministrations after they were done playing. “The boy tonight, Leda…” Isshi smiled, “What about him, my angel?” Ruimaru went back to the bathroom to drop the wash cloth in the hamper, running quickly out to the kitchen to grab the water bottles that were chilling in the fridge, this was his routine.

                “He looked scared Sir…like someone was going to hurt him…did you see that?” Ruimaru got back into the bed, snuggling up close to Isshi’s side, nuzzling the man’s hair. “He looked nervous, I’m not sure he was scared. Why do you ask? Has he caught your eye?” Ruimaru’s eyes were slowly closing, “Mmm, yes…he’s cute and he tastes wonderful…can we keep him?” Now this surprised Isshi, “Angel, do you want me to take another pet?” Ruimaru shook his head, “No, not for us…well maybe for a little while if I’m allowed to play with him. Do you think he’d be suitable for Mistress? She looked lonely tonight even surrounded by all those people”

                The thought had crossed his mind, although Leda was a totally different pet, he was soft and feminine, unlike Teddy who was very masculine. “Let’s see if he calls us, my love…” He peered down at his beautiful boy, the young man fast asleep with is cute little mouth barely open. Reaching down to cover them with a light blanket, Ruimaru mumbled something in his sleep, throwing his arm across Isshi’s chest. “If we could find someone for Davina, that would make her half as happy as we are…” Isshi’s thoughts trailed off as sleep overcame him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This ends the first part of this series. I'm hoping that my 'children' only have two parts in mind, but I can never tell with them.  
> 


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